Spiritual abuse is rampant; except people don’t talk about. Those who abuse continue to do so and those abused continue to keep silent. It’s hard to come out shout ‘Hey! I was spiritually abused. I’m socially awkward, have been isolated for a decade and haven’t a clue what I am doing’ so most who have been abused hide in silence. And things continue on as though nothing happened. It’s similar to rape in that a violation occurred in the most inner parts of a person and most of the time the perpetrator gets no sentence.
Forgiveness of self in spiritual abuse situations is vital to forward progression. There is no way to move on without first forgiving the spiritual abuser as I wrote in my previous blog ‘Forgiveness in Spiritual Abuse: Forgiving the Abuser’. The next step toward freedom is:
Forgive yourself. When reality hits of that spiritual abuse has occurred; it’s more eye opening that most realize. It’s the shock of ‘how did I let this happen’ to ‘what will others think?’ to ‘am I crazy?’ and ending with the ‘how do I go forward?’ and many other things that are a part of that journey.
It is extremely difficult to let go of the mistake that the person made to get to that place; however, those who are spiritual abusers are good at it and you blaming yourself won’t do any good. In fact it will only create more hardship so it’s best to recognize it and forgive yourself and as soon as possible. The longer you wait the harder it is because the more revelation you will experience about what really took place.
Before you go down the road of shame, guilt, condemnation; and self-loathing know that your friends who love you are still there loving you and that in fact; they have been loving you the entire time. They are still there and they have never left you. They were on their journey with you although in a different way. They see through their eyes and my friends; have been waiting for the day when your eyes were open to seeing the truth. Sometimes it takes some longer than others; which is why we need people in our lives of all walks of life.
Forgiving yourself for getting into a spiritually abusive relationship is no different than forgiving yourself for having an abortion or an act of infidelity. All require forgiveness and the great news is that there is forgiveness and freedom waiting for you. As you go forward forgive yourself for:
1. Allowing yourself to get in that situation in the first place
2. Not recognizing it sooner.
3. Not standing up for yourself during that time.
4. Not paying attention to the red flags that really were there.
5. Not listening to those in your life who saw the signs and warned you.
And anything else that caused you to get yourself there. It’s one of those things that while you may wish you weren’t there; you were and now you aren’t- and that’s the best news of all.
As with anything in life; the quicker you realize that you are not perfect and that you make mistakes the easier it will get to forgive yourself. It may be humbling; but will end up being the most healing act and gift that you can give yourself. Get started now as your future is waiting.
Up next: Forgiveness in Spiritual Abuse: Know the Lessons
Spiritual abuse is something that people don’t talk about; especially in church. Forgiveness of spiritual abuse is what needs to be openly discussed because people need freedom in Christ. Church unfortunately does not equate to freedom for many.
It is amazing how many people leave the church because they have suffered spiritual abuse. It’s even worse to learn how many of those people want nothing to do with Jesus because of the spiritual abuse of the so called Christian leaders that they trusted their spiritual journey to. It’s hard to separate the two; although it should make people be glad to learn that even Jesus wasn’t thrilled with the religious folks of His day. Spiritual abuse is no laughing matter and if you have ever experienced it or know someone who has or is currently; these words are for you.
First and foremost there is freedom after spiritual abuse. If you have suffered spiritual abuse do not allow it or the abuser to have control over your future. Forgive. There is a call on your life and you matter. There is something in your future that no one can take away. To get free and live your God given life I begin with:
1. Forgive the abuser. It truly is a test of your strength and probably one of the hardest things to forgive someone for. The person that you trusted as a confident, spiritual mentor or adviser; or whatever you want to call took advantage of what you gave. It’s a hard thing to work through for anyone when the reality of what has been done to you sets in. This is why forgiveness is needed because otherwise your future and your life will suffer the consequences in ways you can’t deem possible.
Forgiveness will free you in any situation and unforgiveness will kill you as well; so working through forgiveness first will help you see that you have a future and that your past has not been wasted. It simply hasn’t. While you may have a harder time getting back what was stolen; the great news is that there is redemption in Christ. God is the redeemer of all things and through Him what has been stolen shall be returned to you. Just keep walking toward your future.
What you must understand is through forgiveness of the abuser you will be able to see that most people don’t know what they are doing. They just don’t. You probably didn’t know what you were doing when you got yourself into the situation of being abused in the first place! Remember forgiveness is not about the abuser; but rather you and your own journey. Those who are spiritual abusers for the most part are just doing what they know and or what they have been taught. Does that make it any easier? Of course not! You still lost your identity, the years of your life all the things that it probably should have been filled with; and much more that you don’t yet know.
When really looking at the abuser through the eyes of forgiveness; you will be able to see that that person too has lost much. What that person has lost may not be any concern of yours; but it doesn’t change the fact that most people who abuse were abused and your forgiveness toward that person may put you in the perfect position to not only free yourself but that person and all those who would come after to you that would otherwise be spiritually abused. It’s a journey of healing, reconciliation and forward progress toward the real life waiting for you.
Regardless of what has been done to you by whom; the first step is forgiving the spiritual abuser so that you can take the next step forward. You don’t want to miss more of your future by not starting there.
What’s next? Forgiveness in Spiritual Abuse: Forgiving Yourself
Hatred is an evil thing; it always has been and always will be. It never comes out in first place and it never brings peace. It brings with it its nasty cousins of anger, bitterness, resentment; and revenge.
The only way to combat it is with love. Love toward those who hate, love toward those who are bitter, resentful; unforgiving. Love is the only answer. Always. Love prevails.
Such is the case with Phil Robertson and Duck Dynasty. Those who hate Christians are not prevailing; they just aren’t. Those who think that siding with hate is the answer are not winning; they are merely showing their hand of intolerance of others with different opinions. They are showing their ignorance. Cracker Barrel is one who is proving their stance which is a shame. They are showing they are not acting very loving. Of course Phil Robertson has already come out stating he loves his neighbors although that seems to be overlooked. Oh the irony.
The result is being seen. Love wins. Duck Dynasty now has 2 offers on the table from other networks for their show. Daystar and Glenn BeckTv have stepped up to help against the wickedness we are seeing over a 67 year old man with an opinion. Interesting enough those who hate Phil Robertson’s opinion aren’t in danger of losing their jobs. Just watch and see the love prevail. Watch and see.
Hatred came against Chick-fil-A and guess what? Love prevailed. Chick-fil-A locations sold out of all their food before 12pm and still had lines of people coming for support. And even later that night numerous locations were vandalized by those who hate. Why? Why show your hatred through tearing people down? The most ironic thing of all: Chick-fil-A franchise still does almost 1 million more in business than it’s closest competitor McDonald’s. And they’re closed on Sundays!
It’s a lesson we all need to learn. Whether it’s hating those who are Christian, those who are gay, those who are short; or those who are geeks, or overweight it doesn’t matter. Hatred spreads like a cancer to destroy the lives of those who it comes into contact with. Why let it fill your soul? Why let it take over minute by minute? Why get on its bandwagon and show it to the world that it has control over you and just how fast you are dying?
Why not love instead? Why not understand that you are not the only one with an opinion. Why not let go of the fact that you are not the judge of the universe. None of us are. You are not the one who has any right to take away someone else’s opinion, shut down their business; or take away their employment. If no one is doing it to you on this day you should be celebrating; or watch out. Those who hate will come after you if you aren’t careful. I’m sure when it hits you would want someone to come out in love of support of you right? It’s a lesson of thinking about how we treat others and if we would want them to treat us the same way.
You see; I lived a life of hatred so I know what it’s like. It’s not enjoyable, restful or peaceful. It’s endless, relentless; and madness- all the time. It brings nothing good. It can’t. It simply cannot. We can see that with those who are attempting to destroy others in the name of a difference of opinion are not going to be well received in the end. It’s backfiring folks; it always does. When will the picture be clear? Hatred never wins.
God will bring judgement on those He sees fit when He sees it fit to do so. He always does. But in the meantime if each one of us does our part to recognize that loving our neighbor is the only way we will get much further. When we recognize that what we all are guilty of having opinions but we love anyway; we will prevail. When we recognize that we have to love ourselves in order to love others; it will be amazing what we can accomplish. It’s the recent events of tearing a family down that is only show us just how far we still have to go. Perhaps that should be the largest new years resolution people make. Love. Simple love.
The strength of a man is something to be appreciated; noticed. It is not something to diminish or reduce to yesterdays trash; yet that is appearing to be what is occurring all around us.
Take a look around. What do you see? Men being emasculate everywhere. Commercials from Jack in the Box show a woman pushing a baby carriage with two grown men wearing bonnets and holding rattles and Dairy Queen only prove the point. The Dairy Queen commercial shows young girl passes on an ice cream with her mom only to sit down and have the DQ employee give her an ice cream, telling her it’s from the young boy wearing “the donkey shirt.” She smiles at the boy and turns to her mom to say, “It’s like shooting fish in a barrel.”
Should it be any wonder why men don’t trust women? It takes strength for men to do nice things for women and there certainly is not anything wrong with men trusting women; yet commercials just strip it away and show men as nothing more than ignorant idiots who are like kleenex: soft, strong and disposable.
Schools are even in on the fun where some now don’t allow boys to have basketballs, footballs; or any other sporting ball on campus because they will get hurt. How can a boy build strength to become the man what women want?
See; this is not about blame. It is not about blaming women for taking away all the manhood that once existed. It is not that. It is the heart of men and the heart of women to stop the madness. Men were created with strength. They were created to conquer and blow stuff up. They were created to open jars and doors for women; and there is nothing wrong with this.
The issue is that love is lacking. Until it is recognized that men have value things won’t change. Until it is recognized that it is not ok to call men stupid, degrade them or disregard them things will not improve. How could they? Until the feminism of men is stopped it will certainly not benefit society. Women want to date and marry men, they want to love men and celebrate men for who and what they are and if society does nothing to stand up for men then who will?
It’s time that those who are men stand up; eat man food and wear man jeans. It’s time for those who claim they follow Jesus to act like He did. It’s time for those who say they love men to truly show it by letting them be. There is nothing more attractive than the strength of a man and being able to see that is something we don’t want to miss out on because without men; where would we be?
While it may seem like woman have made advances in being treated human; it’s clear that this really isn’t the case. Around the world women are still treated as second class citizens, paid less, demeaned to administrative roles in the church; and the list goes on. When will women be seen as the beautiful, intelligent, creative; and thriving people that they were created to be? What will it take for women to not be continually oppressed and suppressed on a global scale?
It’s everywhere in culture. Commercials make nothing more of women than scantily clad high priced hookers while others show just how much women hate each other. Television shows elevate women as being nothing more than a’trophy’ wife as that is all she is worth? Why is this acceptable? Why is it funny to see such filth at Meet the Millers and have women call themselves terrible names with audiences finding it funny? Why are not both women and men outraged at the treatment of it? Why is no one seeing it and not finding it funny?
Understand that this is not about blame. It is not about men beating women down. It simply is not. It is more about a change of heart to see the reality of where women are and continue to be; along with the fight they go through just to be recognized as something more than a sex object and cook.
Women are not correct in the battle either as there are those who are feminists who cry out for woman power yet use their platform to annihilate Sara Palin every chance they get; only because she is not like them. Both parties are guilty and something needs to change. Love needs to happen.
In Saudi Arabia women suffer. They suffer daily. They continue to experience injustice and in ways that American women could never imagine. The latest is the number of Saudi women who are fined for driving vehicles. There is a ban for women to be able to drive a car. “Police stopped six women driving in Riyadh, and fined them 300 riyals ($80) each,” said the capital’s police deputy spokesman, Colonel Fawaz al-Miman. While the monarchy is the only country in the world where women are barred from driving; it doesn’t mean that there aren’t other women in other countries who are not even considered worthy of anything.
The point overall is that women have value. Woman were not created as second class citizens. Women were not created to just lie on their backs for the benefit of men whenever they need their fix. Women were not created to have no mind, no thoughts; no opinions. They just weren’t.
It was women who traveled with Jesus. It was women who were there when the tomb was open. It was women who stood when there were no men. Perhaps looking at them through different eyes one will be better able to appreciate God’s creation and not mans’ destruction.
(mans’ destruction does not equate gender in the final sentence.)
I’m asking you! Sure it may be the economy that has you down; or a myriad of things that can be reasons but it still is a question for reflection.