Your Future Through Forgiveness
You have a future. Your future through forgiveness will be much different than what you ever could image at this very moment. How do I know? I am living it! I never thought that my life at this very moment through forgiveness would be what it is. Praise God! And I share this with you so that you too can live a real life that isn’t filled with the things of the past.
I was one who knew there was a call on my life; like most people. I didn’t know what it was. I didn’t know how to get to it; and I didn’t know what I didn’t know. And what I didn’t know what the one thing that had the most significant impact on my life. Forgiveness.
Forgiveness changes life. ‘Sure sure’ you may think but until you go through the full experience of forgiving you can’t quite know. Until you grasp the depth of what it is and how life changing it is you can’t know. It is no different than seeing pictures of the Eiffel Tower compared to being at the top of it or getting married in it. You can’t fully know something until you experience it.
What I have learned through forgiveness is this:
1- You are a new creation in Christ. You are never the same person. You can’t be because it is Him working in and through you and when we surrender to allowing that; we are never the same.
2- Your physical manifestations of unforgiveness are gone. When I sat in my room for 2 days dealing with ‘all’ of my unforgiveness my life changed. I knew that. What I didn’t know what that my voice changed and my eye color changed too. See; the pain and emotional turmoil we go through takes it toll. It manifests and when there is a release; the release is more than we can imagine at that current time or moment. It was huge for me!
3- Your future will come forward. When you make the choice to forgive your future; your real future can be revealed. Before I made the choice to forgive and before I understood ‘all’ of what it is and how it is life changing; I didn’t know. I didn’t know the magnitude of what good would come before me and to me. There is no way to know. When there is forgiveness in the way it blocks you from living out the fullness of what is intended for you.
I thought in the past I was living what I thought was a good life; until I started understanding what my life really was and what it was to be. Through forgiveness I was healed and could see what was really set aside for me. I could move toward life in freedom and toward purpose. Forgiveness paves the way . And it will for you too. Your life won’t be the same because you won’t be the same. Your future will be forever changed as mine was. And that is the best thing in the world.
Forgiveness is something that impacts every single living person; regardless of anything. It doesn’t matter socioeconomic status, age, gender, marital status; nothing matters. Forgiveness impacts. Where forgiveness begins too has impact. The question is where does forgiveness begin?
Forgiveness begins in the mind. You see; forgiveness is a choice. Where do you make any choice in your day? Your mind. Sure you may feel something in your heart but regardless of what you ‘feel’ you still make the choice in your mind. The choice to purchase the fabulous pumps, eat this or that; exercise or not exercise all begin in the mind. Adam and Eve were faced with a choice to be obedient and eat from the tree. They didn’t have to make that choice; but they did. They made the choice in their mind. They knew what they should do but again; they made a choice. The wrong choice. And that was conceived in their minds.
So what is in your mind? How do you make decisions? What is the level of forgiveness that you want to achieve in your life? What is the choice that you are going to make when it comes to forgiveness?Are you going to allow how you ‘feel’ be what you live? Are your emotions ruling you? It’s not like most people want to forgive the pain that others caused; but know that it is the strong who forgive. Are you strong? Make the choice to be strong and let your mind be the residing factor of that. After all; it is where forgiveness begins.
The enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy. There is no doubt there is a bounty for your life. Every day there is an attack in new ways and if you are not watchful; you will be the next victim. Unforgiveness is the trap that steals your life without your knowledge; without you even having a clue that your life is slipping you by.
So the question is: is unforgiveness defeating you? Do you even know? Here are the tell-tale signs that unforgiveness has a foothold in your life:
1. You are living in a victim mentality. Everyone has been hurt; and you are not exception. If you are living in that mentality of what others have done this is a clear sign. You can choose to be a victim or victor but rest assured being powerful and pitiful at the same time cannot work! When you make the choice to forgive; your life will change.
2. Bitterness Reigns. Many people are deceived into thinking they are not bitter; when in fact everyone around them can see it, hear it, and feel it. Bitterness is spiritual poison and will rot the bones. Heck; even Harvard completed a study in 2009 with findings that unforgiveness and bitterness is linked to arthritis. If you have arthritis perhaps there is someone you need to forgive. When you harbor bitterness you are ineffective because people just don’t like being around bitter people. If you don’t want to live defeated; simply forgive.
3. Missed Opportunities or blessings. When people harbor unforgiveness their lives are defeated and those they could and should be a blessing to miss out. If you are not living your life with all the opportunities and blessings that are there for you there is a reason. It isn’t just ‘luck’ or ‘misfortune’ as it just isn’t. There is a reason. In my life I wasn’t ministering to all the people that I was supposed to be for that exact reason. I was blocking myself from receiving blessings and being a blessing to others. Once I learned the impact of unforgiveness everything changed.
Very simply put; unforgiveness kills. It steals much more than you can imagine and with over 30 symptoms of unforgiveness you may find that this is why you are not living to your full potential. If you think you have ‘no’ unforgiveness pray about that. I was there too and it wasn’t until I learned the truth that I was set free. I thought just saying I forgive was all I needed to do until I learned that it’s not lip service; but more. And don’t you want more of everything good in your life? Of course! So make today the day that nothing more is stolen from your life. You will be glad you did.
It’s hard to know what goes through the mind of someone who committed suicide as each person and situation is different; along with the outcome. It changes the lives of the living in ways that one can’t truly explain. It just happens and for most; unexpected. Should there be forgiveness? And to whom? Forgiveness in suicide is something that proves challenging to overcome for the living. Through forgiveness; however, life will get better. While no longer the same; it does continue.
In the situation of Robin Williams; forgiveness is no different. No one truly knows what he was experiencing, how he felt; where he was or why he did what he did. There is only mere speculation. Nothing more. For those who too have been there forgiveness is needed in order to heal. What aspects of forgiveness are needed you ask?
Forgive the person for taking his or her life. What the person did, for whatever reason, still proves selfish on many levels. You are left with nothing. No answers, no understanding; and in some cases no warning, financial security, no mother or father for the children. Nope. You are left with nothing. Unforgiveness toward that person left not dealt with will breed future consequences. Of course it will take time to recover, heal, and begin the process of living again although it is doable.
Forgive yourself for not intervening. Of course there are the ‘if only’s’ that come to mind coupled with the ‘what if’s’ and in reality; there is nothing that you could have done because most likely if you could have – you would have. Those who have suffered great loss at the hands of suicide know this. You know that if there was something you could have done that you would have; all because you love that person. You know that you would have without a doubt put your life on hold for the benefit of that loved one. And after that fact doesn’t change anything. Not forgiving yourself for what you could have done that you didn’t do that you didn’t know needed done won’t bring someone back. It never will. Understanding and recognizing that regardless of what other people do; forgiving yourself is something you can’t not do. Harboring unforgiveness toward yourself will not free you. It will create more bondage and will keep you living in what someone else did that in reality; has nothing to do with you. Forgive and heal.
Suicide is tragic. There are no words to describe the level of emotions that one experiences as a result. There is no way to predict what people will do; or won’t do at any given time. The only thing that you can do is make the choice that regardless of what other people do; you will forgive. It is the best way to live and the biggest gift of life that you can give not only to others but to yourself.
Spiritual abuse is hard to walk out of. Nothing is as it was nor will be ever be what it is as this very moment. Life is different and so are you. The good news is that your future is bright. Let forgiveness reign so you can get to it!
If you spend your time focusing on what has been lost; you will only lose more. It is not possible to gain and go toward a future while focusing on loss at the same time. Your future is waiting for you. While it may be difficult to see in the beginning know it is true. You are still standing and that is what is most important. If you weren’t you would have no testimony right? But you are here. You are triumphant. You my friend, are a survivor and of much more than you can ever realize.
As you look toward your future know that those in your path and past are and have served a purpose. What those purposes are are different for each of us. The good news is that through forgiveness you can see the purpose and go toward what is waiting for you.
There is no time like the present to let the past be what it was which was a journey. There is no time like the present to stand tall in who you were truly created to be and go toward the leaps and bounds waiting for you. Perhaps it’s moving to a new state. Perhaps it’s changing careers. Perhaps it is walking away from Church and into relationship with Jesus who has walked with you through the entire ordeal. Perhaps it’s just time for you to stand alone and see life in a new light- and in a sparkling pair of Christian Louboutin pumps! Regardless of what you are about to do; the best news is that you are still standing to do it. And that is the best thing you can ask or hope for!
Lies are something of a fascination to me. It’s amazing how easily deceived people are by them; without even knowing it. They sweep in our lives and kill with such stealth moves leaving most of us paralyzed for life.
The other day I listened to an interview with singer songwriter Toni Braxton. She spoke much about her personal life; including the abortion she regretted.
Toni spoke about her family and the tough financial trials and the bankruptcy she went through. It was during that time that she got pregnant and couldn’t see herself raising a child when she was in the midst of financial fall. She talked about how much she regretted having an abortion and how selfish she now sees her choice.
What captured me was 1) she knew it was selfish, 2) her regret. Those two things speak volumes without a doubt. She continued that she later become pregnant and her child was born with autism. She believed the autism was punishment from God and that yes; she deserved it.
The entire story broke my heart! You see; there is forgiveness. There is freedom for abortion. Jesus died on the cross so that we could be forgiven our sins. And forgiveness knows no bounds. If you are like Toni; there is forgiveness for you. There is forgiveness for your selfish ways. All you have to do is ask. Do not be deceived into thinking that your choice to have an abortion isn’t forgivable. That my dear friend; is a lie.
I encourage you today to seek forgiveness because it will change your life. It will set you free. It will remove the chains of bondage. Let it all go! Let go of the shame, guilt, condemnation, self-loathing, regret; and all of rest of the cousins attached. There is no need to continue like Toni and live in shame as she said for the sins that she committed. There just isn’t. It’s a trap! Yes we all make mistakes there is no doubt although this sin is just as forgivable as all of the rest of them.
There is a future for your life regardless of whether or not you believe it just yet. There is hope too. You don’t have to live without it. You don’t have to continue to suffer in silence. You are valued. You are loved. You are forgiven. It’s just up to you to get it.
There is power in the tongue so reads Proverbs 18:21. The tongue can deliver life or death. By the words you speak you change lives; for the better or worse is up to you. By your tongue you can do more than you may think.
What is interesting is that universities are now getting involved in the message. What is offensive language is forever changing and if you are in a more mature generation or even if you were born before Atari you may recall that the term ‘Founding Fathers’. Well; universities have been on strike against those two words linked together for it is offensive to some. Who knows who the ‘some’ are although apparently there are those who find what those men did for the great Nation of America offensive and therefore; you may hear the term ‘pioneers’ instead.
What’s amazing is that through this change in speech at universities such as Duke; the right to free speech is also changing with it.
From personal experience professors at University of Phoenix are known to be highly encouraged and then reprimanded if action not taken to remove any and all references to the words Jesus, Christianity, Christian Church and Bible from their biographies. It’s a tricky thing when professors are required to share what they do outside of teaching a university class when the professors are not allowed to share it because they are afraid someone will be offended by what a professor does on his or her own time. I wonder if I had instead put ‘dancer with no clothes on for fun in the nighttime for extra spending money’ would have garnered the same results or if that would have just been viewed as ‘freedom of expression’. I digress.
The latest ‘Discouragement’ Campaign was recently launched at Duke to remove language that is oppressive to homosexuals and insults people. While a nice idea to not offend people although the overall campaign is missing the point.
Instead of focusing on not offending one segment of the population why not just bring the Proverb 18:21 in the lives of students not only at Duke but across universities and live by the words of Proverbs 18:21, ‘The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.’
When you speak words of live to others it changes them in positive ways. When we focus on segments of people we miss what we could and should be saying. In essence we remove the right to free speech.
Do we really need campaigns to remove our speech? Or do we just need to have a heart attitude filled with love and encouragement; one filled with uplifting others through our words? At what point will we grasp that what we need isn’t yet one more campaign for this or that but rather a changed heart? It isn’t about what we make it and until we see that; we will continue to use the wrong words for the wrong messages and will still get the same wrong results.
Life can be stressful and if you are not careful; it can be much more that! It can and does lead to heart attacks, alcoholism, arthritis and much more. Unless you do something about getting and keeping your peace your life won’t change. If you want change I challenge you take these simple steps for joy restoration:
10. Declutter– Having too much stuff around will only cause more stress because that stuff has to be taken care of. If you pay money to rent a storage facility; are you losing money paying to store stuff you won’t actually need? Decluttering will help you save time and money in the end while giving you peace of mind.
9. Plan your meals- When people get hungry they get agitated. Sure it may take time to actually plan your meals; however, the benefits are worth it. You will have more time in your day and won’t have to frantically try to figure out what to eat and then end up eating leftover potato salad with some Lucky Charms.
8. Eat foods you can pronounce- Eating living foods will change your life. If you can’t pronounce it it’s probably made my man and well; not really food but rather some variation of it. Living foods bring life to your bones and will decrease mood swings. In the Bible commanded His men to eat red meat before and after any battle because they needed the fuel to take care of business. A healthy eating lifestyle will bring peace without a doubt.
7- Take a walk for fresh air- There is nothing like fresh air; especially in the Rocky Mountains. A short walk outside can make all the difference. Take some time to see the flowers in bloom and smell the aroma of what surrounds you. It’s the greatest way to bring peace and guess what? It’s free.
6- Take a friend inventory- Reflect on the people in your life. How much fruit are they bringing? How much drama and trauma comes with them? One way to get peace is to get the drama out. Distance yourself from those who are not moving toward their futures as you are. The last thing you need is someone stealing your joy, time and your peace. You have too much to live for than to get caught in that trap!
5- Get and stay organized- Getting organized is one thing; staying that way is another! Consistency is key for the results you want. Deal with the root cause of your disorganization so that you can get and stay that way and in the end; have more peace. It’s been reported that people on average spend 7 minutes per day searching for their keys. If only they were organized! Get organized and get peace.
4- Change your attitude– Whether you think you can or can’t you are right. Attitude is everything and if you don’t have the right attitude it’s time for a change. Life is too short to have a bad attitude. Now is the time to get rid of that stinking thinking to get toward the bigger picture of what your life is about.
3- Live within your means– You don’t always need the latest phone, tablet, computer, shoes, car, purse, kitchen renovation. It’s all a lie to get you out of your means. Living within your means increases your peace as there is less stress and worry. It’s not like anyone cares whether or not you have the latest of anything so why live outside your means to prove something to people that don’t care? The only one living with the consequences of the means you choose to live in is you!
2-Know your purpose- You can’t land at a place you can’t identify. Not knowing your purpose or the call on your life is one of the worst things to damage your future. When you have that clear direction all the distractions will decrease because you won’t have time to get involved with things that are not for you.
1- Forgive- The biggest silent killer is unforgiveness. It will ruin your business and personal relationships as well as your life. I lived with an unforgiving heart for most of my life and it was a slow death. If there is anything you ever do for yourself it is forgive. You will be free to go forward living your life without the chains that bind. Everyone has been hurt in their lives so what makes you any different? Deal with it and move on!
It’s quite simple really to get peace. It’s a matter of how much you want it. Once you get it you will know not only how important it is; but also how important it is to keep it. Sure life is life and people are people; but you are the one responsible for the level of peace you have and today is the day to make your day filled with the peace that you need to live the life you were created for.
There is no one like you. Some of you may be thinking ‘no kidding’ but know it’s true in the best way possible. You are unique; you were created one of a kind. There is nothing that anyone can do exactly like you. You were created to be you and there is no other.
Sometimes in life we get so caught up in the frenzy of living that we don’t recognize what we actually bring to the world. Think about it. When was the last time you were truly recognized for who you are and the value of you and not what you have done for the benefit of a company’s profit.
So on this day the value that you bring is larger than you think. The value of your smile to someone thinking about taking his or her life. The value you bring to your family even when you say nothing at all. The value of your ideas that will be tomorrow’s life saver. The value of your heart that you have that is shown to the world shared even when you are sleeping. The value of friendship you offer to those in quiet places that only need someone as strong as you to be a friend. There is never anything that can take away the value of you; unless you beleive the lie and accept you have none.
You were wonderfully made. You were hand crafted for a special purpose with special meaning; and there is value in that. You are the head and not the tail and were created to live above and not below. You are a masterpiece; beautiful in every way. You are one of a kind and that my friend is invaluable.
Last night I delivered a webinar about communication to a group of women. Men were invited although none were in attendance which was a shame as the perception from men would have been nice. Anyway; the topic of texting came up.
What was of interest is the number of women; some single, some married who all shared that the hate texting and those who are dating were especially strong in their opinion of how much the men they go out with text. Interesting? Or normal? It depends on which gender you are I guess.
They asked how to combat the life of texting. Others wanted to know not specifically about texting; but how to have more face to face interactions with others. Well; it’s pretty simple. Set boundaries. Here are a few tips:
1- Recognize that you don’t have to accept what others expect. Just because someone sends you a text doesn’t mean 1) you have to reply that instant, 2) that you have to allow it at all. If you don’t want to respond right when it comes in; then understand that you do not have to. It’s really an invasion to whatever you are doing at that moment. If someone thinks it’s appropriate to text you at 11:30 at night; then explain to that person that you don’t accept texts that late. Remember you don’t have to allow what isn’t right for you to become your life.
2- Explain your expectations/wishes/desires about how you want communicate. For example; one lady shared that she gets texts and phone calls from friends all day and she’s working so she can’t respond. By simply letting people know you will respond during whatever hours and that you are working this hopefully will decrease those interruptions. Now; if it doesn’t then take the next step as you evaluate if those people are even respecting you in the first place.
When my biological mother and I started our relationship there were a lot of boundaries to establish. My mother would call and scream at the top of her lungs how much she wished she never moved to Dallas. She hated life and wanted to go back to Houston. This was a daily thing; and very taxing to say the least! We had to talk about what was and was not acceptable if we expected to go forward. Once we worked through the root issues we were able to progress and now have a healthy relationship.
3- You not establishing boundaries for you is your fault. If you don’t ever set boundaries for how others communicate with you; then you cannot complain about what you don’t like. You are enabling others to continue the pattern that they created and they will because why wouldn’t they? You will get what you get from others until you make the choice to communicate effectively with others what you need in your life.
There was a time with my biological mother where she treated me like her father treated her; as a servant. Instead of asking me for a drink at my home; she would hold her glass up simply say ‘more’. No please no ask. Just an order. Needless to say I was infuriated by how she was treating me. I started resenting her more than I had already hated her! Once I explained to her how I felt in how she was treating me our communication changed.
Overall; the manner in which we communicate has changed in recent years. No longer is it going over for tea in the afternoon; it’s an all day twitter fest, text fiesta; and everything else that is non-stop. Getting peace of mind comes with understanding what is and isn’t working for you; and then making the necessary changes to bring better communication and in the end; better relationships.