Where Forgiveness Begins
Forgiveness is something that impacts every single living person; regardless of anything. It doesn’t matter socioeconomic status, age, gender, marital status; nothing matters. Forgiveness impacts. Where forgiveness begins too has impact. The question is where does forgiveness begin?
Forgiveness begins in the mind. You see; forgiveness is a choice. Where do you make any choice in your day? Your mind. Sure you may feel something in your heart but regardless of what you ‘feel’ you still make the choice in your mind. The choice to purchase the fabulous pumps, eat this or that; exercise or not exercise all begin in the mind. Adam and Eve were faced with a choice to be obedient and eat from the tree. They didn’t have to make that choice; but they did. They made the choice in their mind. They knew what they should do but again; they made a choice. The wrong choice. And that was conceived in their minds.
So what is in your mind? How do you make decisions? What is the level of forgiveness that you want to achieve in your life? What is the choice that you are going to make when it comes to forgiveness?Are you going to allow how you ‘feel’ be what you live? Are your emotions ruling you? It’s not like most people want to forgive the pain that others caused; but know that it is the strong who forgive. Are you strong? Make the choice to be strong and let your mind be the residing factor of that. After all; it is where forgiveness begins.
Forgiveness is a lifestyle; just as much so is unforgiveness. Creating a lifestyle of forgiveness is doable. In fact for Believers it is a command to live a lifestyle of forgiveness. When Jesus was asked by Peter how many times one should forgive He simply replied, ‘Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’ Matthew 18:22. Therefore; living a lifestyle of a Believer is there and available for you. Yes you! So how do you get there?
1. Recognize that you have the choice to forgive. The choice to forgive is yours. The choice to not forgive is also yours. When choosing a lifestyle that you want that brings the most peace it is a choice. You have the power to choose and making the choice is the first step to living your life empowered and moving in the right direction for your life.
2. Accept that people make mistakes. People let people down; it is part of life. When we focus on what others do we misunderstand that they are not perfect. Only Jesus was and is perfect and when that level of expectation is placed on others the mistakes they make reign control. When you understand and receive the revelation that people are not perfect and do not allow what they do to control you; you will be in better position to live in freedom and forgiveness of them for their mistakes.
3. Accept yourself. Accepting yourself is part of a lifestyle of forgiveness. Regardless of where you are or what you have done; self acceptance is a major component of living a lifestyle of forgiveness. When you accept your imperfections and mistakes; peace can enter.
The lifestyle of forgiveness is one that requires daily maintenance. Life happens. It’s what you do and how you handle it that matters. The choice ultimately is up to you. Forgiveness or unforgiveness is a lifestyle and the choice of what you choose is yours.
The past is over yet people for some reason enjoy living there. Forgiving the past is hard. It’s hard to let go of how great you were, how popular you were; or even how tiny you were or muscly you were. It’s hard to forgive it. It’s hard to look forward though when you haven’t forgiven your past. It has brought you to where you are today so be thankful for what it is. It’s over.
When you make the choice to let go of the past you will live in freedom. Three main reasons to forgive the past are simple:
1- It served its purpose. The past came and went; like that Gucci handbag that you once thought was cool. It too served its purpose. The past is no longer and so forgive it for being perhaps not the best. Forgive and say ‘thank you’ and move on. You are better off moving toward your future without your past! At least I know I am!
2- It isn’t where you are going. Unless you are going backward then your past is not where you are going. You are moving forward and your past is not. This is unless you continue to live in. Many people choose to live on Last Year or Last Decade Lane by why? You will never see where you are going if you spend more time looking back. One only need to be reminded of Lot’s wife who turned to look back. You don’t want to be a pillar of salt now do you? Then don’t look back to what isn’t part of your future. It’s not worth it!
3- It will keep you in bondage. Bondage and baggage are two twins to get rid of; and quickly! Your past has come and gone and you trying to hold on to it will only keep you living it- repeatedly. When you make the choice to get rid of it and to be free and forgive it you will truly be moving on toward the greatness that is within you- especially if you are a Believer that greatest is in you!
Holding on to your past hinders your future. Until you forgive your past and let it die and then die to self; your life won’t be what you truly want it to be. It can’t. You are in your own way. And you my dear friend are worth more. Your future is worth more than your past. You are worth more at this very moment; more than you realize. So let it go. Forgive. Let it die. And then say welcome to your future you fabulous you!
The new year brings many resolutions. Lose weight, be nice; clean out the clutter and the list goes on. The one resolution that should be part of your new lifestyle of the new year is simply this: forgive. Make a life of forgiveness your new years resolution. It’s that simple. Just do it!
Why? If you want healing then forgive. Healing comes through forgiveness. Restoration can come through forgiveness. Weight loss is spiritual terms comes through forgiveness. Broken hearts too are healed through forgiveness. In my case; my eye color changed through forgiveness. Blessings come through forgiveness.
If you are living in lack currently there is a reason and it isn’t because everyone else isn’t nice or giving to you. There is a reason. It may very well be that you are living in unforgiveness. Make today the day and this moment the moment that you seek Him to know the truth; ‘ is there any unforgiveness in my heart Lord?’ And then don’t forget about bitterness, resentment and anger as those also cause havoc on the life of a believer.
Regardless of what someone else has done to you; you are stronger forgiving than you are unforgiving. Don’t let the mistakes of other keep you living last year. Start the new year fresh and forgiving! It will change your life and what better way to start the first day than that!
The holidays bring cheer for many; however, there are those that detest them and for good reason. That was me. Holiday forgiveness was something that I definitely was in need of. I had the wrong perspective, attitude and heart toward them. I was hurt and my hurt kept hurting me. Is this you? Is it time to see the holidays through other lenses? Do you need some simple holiday forgiveness to set you free?
Let me share. The holidays are a time for family; sure we can agree. When you don’t have that you can focus on that and be down as most people tend to get. For many years I was down. I was out. I was bloody pathetic. I also worked in the mall and hated all those happy families buying all those gifts. I hated it all. I loathed Christmas. I’m just being honest. I was alone and I let everyone know my pain just seeking an ounce of pity; which just revealed how utterly pitiful I really was. I saw what I didn’t have and that became my focus. Are you letting it become yours? It will if you let it.
As the years went by I became accustomed to being alone on the holidays. I started watching people with their families and then it hit me; so many are faking it! I saw it. As I saw that I was shocked as to how many people started sharing their stories of the holidays and how blessed I was to be alone! Who would have thought being alone could be a blessing? The more stories I heard the more I saw them different. The more drowning in sorrows the others were that I hadn’t seen before. If you are alone have no fear- there are wonderful things about being alone on the holidays! Just ask one person shuffling through the mall or the grocery store and look at the exasperation covering their faces and you will see. It will take less than a minute.
The most ironic thing was that after being alone I met my biological family. I was introduced to entirely new traditions with an entirely new family; that was my own family. Live through that! They are amazing people without a doubt it was just a transition going from one family and their traditions, to just me and my own; to something entirely different with other people. But such is life. Holiday forgiveness.
As I started studying the Bible and the real story of Christmas I experienced yet another change. The truth opened my eyes to what people are blinded by. The tree, the lights, the gifts, the time of year Jesus was born compared to what is celebrated. Christmas then became something I had no interest in celebrating. Why would I? It’s not even Biblical but shhh….. don’t tell anyone. Or perhaps you already know. I reflected back on the first time a Jejhovah Witness told me that he was just lucky I didn’t have a baseball bat as I really did just want to hit him; but that is how religion blinds people from the truth. It bound me. But the best news is that Jesus didn’t die so that I could have a religion! Then I learned something else that was surprising! Did you know that Christmas used to be outlawed in America? Yes. It was considered an introduction to gluttony therefore it was outlawed. I started seeing Christmas and the celebration entirely different. If you do your own research you may too. Again; holiday forgiveness.
And today marks yet another holiday season where I am not making 9 different types of candy and 15 different kinds of cookies for 150 people. It marks another year where I am not frantically freaking out over what to buy someone who won’t even appreciate it. It marks another year where I am able to celebrate the day in peace and quiet and not live in debt or expectation of being what others believe I should be because they haven’t yet done their research. And I must say there is freedom in that. Holiday forgiveness.
So if you are feeling lonely or down and out; let it go. Forgive those who have passed on in your life for not being there to celebrate with you. Forgive yourself for trying to live up to expectations of those who aren’t even enjoying what they are trying to live up to. Forgive the stores for manipulating you into buying into all the shopping. Forgive your religion for continuing to perpetuate a lie that has kept you in bondage. Holiday forgiveness.
Celebrate the holiday season as one. One person you are with an impact. One person you are with a mission. One person you are with all the time in the world to celebrate a day without any interruptions with Jesus because most are too busy celebrating church. One person you are who has the power to create and mold your special day to be whatever you want. One person you are to get that jump start on your next dreams and goals. One person you are to see that one day out of the year that people freak out over is not worth it. One person you are with the ability to a blessing to those who need you. One person you to celebrate holiday forgiveness.
There are stories about forgiveness. There are stories of unforgiveness. And then there is this. The story of a woman who attempted to kill her daughter. That is a story. The story of unforgiveness toward self is the part of the story that most don’t want to talk about. Kelli Stapleton can’t forgive herself for trying to kill her autistic daughter. Can you? If you were in her shoes what would you do?
Imagine for a moment your child. You love your child and as any parent experiences; there are days when you really just want to probably rip their heads off; or is that just your spouse? Probably both at some points! Of course it’s not literal just figuratively but handing the reality of the truth of the attempt is something most can’t grasp.
This is where forgiveness comes in to play. Forgiveness is probably the hardest thing in life for people to face; the hardest to overcome. Forgiving people is one thing; and forgiving oneself is entirely different. So how do you do it? How do you come to a place of reconciliation internally?
1. Understand that forgiveness is a process.
2. Understand that forgiveness is part of healing.
3. Understand that each journey to and through forgiveness is unique for the individual.
4. Understand that forgiveness is for you.
People are not perfect. This should not be a surprise. Yes we all make mistakes and when we self judge we will never be free. If we hold unforgiveness toward others; we will never be free. This is not to minimize the mistakes that people make but rather to share that the journey to and through forgiveness is just that. A journey. It is coming to a place of recognizing that all fall short of the glory and this is why we need a savior. We cannot do it alone. We simply can’t. In the case of Kelli Stapleton my prayer is that she doesn’t allow unforgivevness to kill her as that would mean more lives are lost. And that my dear friends; would be too many for any of us to be witness to. So on this day; start accepting yourself. Accept the flaws and all. And then attempt to grasp this: there has never been a moment in your life that you have not been loved.
Unforgiveness kills. It is a silent killer with more unknown symptoms than people know or recognize. Hidden beneath unforgiveness; however, is where the root lies. It is there growing and expanding and deepening its roots like nothing anyone ever sees. It binds and kills like a serpent seeking its prey. The real root of unforgiveness not dealt with and removed destroys. Knowing what it is will help you overcome and be victorious.
What is the real root of unforgiveness you ask? What is it that destroys more than heart disease; that spreads quicker than heart disease. What is it that devastates lives in unimaginable ways? It is merely focus of self. There is nothing more destructive than self-focused. It keeps one breeding all the symptoms of all things negative. Love does not exist. How can it?
The trap of being self-focused is that there is no life beyond self. All existence and acceptance of others does not exist. Love and forgiveness toward others are not comprehended. They cannot be for self is what reigns.
Should it be any wonder why Jesus dying on the cross cried out, ‘Forgive them Father for they know not what they do?’ He saw what most could not see. So I ask you: what do you see about yourself? Are you holding on to your unforgiveness because someone hurt you? Are you being so self-centered that you can’t actually understand that people are not perfect? That people make mistakes? And that you dear friend; are no different?
It took me a long time to grasp that. I held on to unforgiveness for far too long. What I learned was that my self-centeredness not only kept me focused on self; but it kept me living in the victim mentality all the while being unforgiving. Once I got over myself I was able to breathe. I was able to live in freedom in Christ. I was able to see, accept and love people right where they are. Does it mean I or they are perfect? Of course not! But what it does mean is that getting over oneself will change the course of your life and those whom you come into contact with.
If you truly want to go forward to the real life that was created for you; make today the day that you do it. Forgiveness will help you heal and get overself; but too know that you have to get over yourself in order to truly forgive. Are you ready to lay down what other people have done so that you can be free? I was on that day ending 2006 and starting 2007. I know the challenge and difficulty of it; and I know the rewards of crossing over.
It is there for you. It really is. If you want freedom but are stuck and need help call me. I get it. I know what it’s like and I am here to help you. You, your life and your future are far too precious to be left behind. Sometimes we just need someone to give us a hand up so that we can grow and go. I know I did and still do! If you do know that I am here and that you are not alone. You never have been.
When you look around society what do you see? Riots? Killings? Murders for nothing? Infidelity? Perversion at it’s highest extent? Abortion? All of it? To which then the question is: how do you forgive the unforgivable? And furthermore; what makes it unforgivable in the first place?
The most difficult part of forgiveness is getting to a place of breaking self away from what the act was that needs to be forgiven. People are ignorant. None are immune. Not even you. What someone did to you hurt. No one is doubting that. It hurt. There is pain. The length of time you allow that pain to be in your heart, soul and mind is all on you. Let us not forget too what you too have done to others may be deemed unforgivable. But is it really?
What has been done to you and what you have done to someone else can be forgiven. It can be! Jesus came to set the captives free. This means ‘you’ too! It doesn’t matter if you are were a stripper, addicted to pornography, cheater, murderer; or even terrorist. There is forgiveness and the most unforgivable act can be forgiven. All you have to do is get to a place of receiving it. Jeffrey Dahmer even received forgiveness!
When we judge ourselves we miss the point. When we judge others we miss the point. The time spent in unforgiveness keeps you seeing the outcome of forgiveness. It keeps you living in bondage and turmoil; and not living in freedom and your true calling. It’s time to break free. It’s time to stand up and forgive. It’s time to stop the riots in Ferguson! It’s time to stop the war against the Ukrainians! It’s time to stop to persecution of the Jewish people! It’s time to forgive and start the healing process.
It all starts with you. It starts right now with you seeing that the most unforgivable in your mind is just in your mind. Let it go. Forgive. Simply forgive. Change your life. Forgive. Change your family. Forgive. Change your community. Forgive. Change your nation. Forgive. Just do it. Forgive the unforgivable and let your strength shine. Do it today!
The American lifestyle is one of hurriedness, more products to sustain the ‘I-Life’; eating along the way to making more money. Should it be no wonder why unforigveness and forgiveness aren’t commonly talked about? Who has time for it? But yet; if not talked about what changes will you know of that come after forgiving? Now it’s not to say that those in Israel, Ukraine; or anywhere else in Europe or around the world are any more or less forgiving than Americans; however, a lifestyle of not stopping keeps one from seeing the bigger picture?
So what does happen when one forgives? Does anything change? Of course! There are many things that change after a person forgives. Three things that change when you make the choice to forgive are:
1- Your heart changes. Unforgiveness roots itself in your heart and when that unforgiveness is gone; there is a release. A release for your heart to feel new experiences; to love.
2- Your perspective changes. Nothing is as it was once you forgive. When I forgave my biological mother I learned that she suffered many terrible things in her life. It changed my perspective toward her. I was able to accept her right where she was; regardless of the mistakes she had made. How many people in your life would you see different do you think? You don’t know unless you make the choice to forgive!
3- Your physical body changes. When your body is filled with negative thoughts and spiritual poison; it reacts to it. Dr. Caroline Leaf, who is a cognitive neuroscientist has found that what’s in the mind impacts the body and when choice are made for better or worse; it manifests itself physically. When I made the choice to forgive all those who caused me much pain not only did my voice change but my eye color too. It is not possible to deal with internal issues and not see the outer reflection of them. The opposite is true.
Forgiveness is the one thing that will free you internally. It will change you, your life and those around you. It will soften your heart to see the beauty in others. It will change your perspective to see that perhaps in all of your correctness; you were still wrong. It will change your body so that people see the light that is within you. It will do amazing things if you only you make the choice to forgive. It’s that simple. Forgive. Do it today.
Did you know there are over 30 symptoms of unforgiveness found in the Bible? Yep! And I bet there is more I just stopped searching at 30. So the question is: How many symptoms of unforgiveness do you have? ‘None’ you say? How do you know if you don’t know what they are? This is the trap of unforgiveness. It keeps people deceived and in that deception they know not what they do. And that my dear friends was me. I thought I forgave. I thought I knew what it was for I heard in church but yet in all that ignorance I knew nothing and was deceived. Don’t be deceived.
Three not talked about symptoms of unforgiveness that people exhibit are:
1. Victim mentality. People who are unforgiving focus more on themselves and what happened to them. ‘This person did this to me’ and bla bla. Everyone around the world has done something to someone so whatever someone did to you of course hurts; but if you make it your choice to live in that victim mentality it is a sure sign of unforgiveness. You cannot be a victim and victor at the same time. Choosing to be a victim is the lifestyle of the unforgiver. How do I know? Been there done that. My biological mother abandoned me and my life’s platform was living as that child victim adult. I was no use to His Kingdom with that mindset and mentality. And neither are you.
2. Limited thinking. When someone is unforgiving the only focus really is on self. What others have done to cause pain; not much else enters the mind. There could not be any possibility that the other person made a mistake. The person could not have a reason for doing what he or she did. Not to this person. After I forgave my biological mother for the abandonment I learned that our case worker was buying and selling babies on the Canadian Black Market and that he gave her an ultimatum: sell me to her for 10k or never see me again. Everything changed once I learned that. How could it not right? But it proves the point that when there is unforgiveness the thinking is limited which if you back to #1 the unforgiver lives in the victim mentality where there is no fruit or freedom.
3. Intolerant. An unforgiving heart is not tolerant of much. The unforgiving person’s heart is hard and it’s hard to reason with someone with a hardened heart. One only need to look at any terrorist and see that right? The height of intolerance is incredible; along with those who have their agendas for required tolerance all based upon their intolerance-which is based upon their own level of unforgiveness. Those who are unforgiving cannot possibly be tolerant of others because that would mean accepting another position and seeing that others are not the hate mongrels that they have built them up to be. You only need to go back to # 1 and 2 to see how much unforgiveness plays with the mind and keeps people in bondage.
Of course there are numerous other symptoms like the basics that everyone knows but why? Why talk about what everyone knows yet does nothing with. If you want true freedom in your life forgive. If you are not living your life in abundance perhaps there is unforgiveness there. Most likely there is. I know in my life there was- and in abundance! So then the next question is: what are you going to do about? What are you waiting for? Are you going to forgive; or continue to deceive yourself? Choose life. Choose death. What will it be?