It’s a simple question yet one all too often overlooked. I found myself looking in the mirror the other day and thought it would be like any other day. Well; it wasn’t. It reminded of years ago when I was challenged to sit in front of a mirror and just stare at myself to see what God sees. That’s a challenge all right; with a life changing outcome!
I ask you again- what are you investing in you? I took a long look not at the Eva Mendez mole that I have that people tend to comment on, not on the grey hair here or there that no one but me sees; but just a long look. It caused me to step back for a moment and pause.
How about you? Do you spend far too much time looking but not seeing? Perhaps now is the time to look at your investment and reflect on what your return on it actually is. You may be surprised.
What I saw has caused much change in my life. It’s always a challenge to go for radical change although if you don’t where will you be? You can’t do what you have always done and then not expect to get what you have always gotten. It just doesn’t work like that.
What did I see? I saw areas that need different investment for larger return.
1- I saw I was investing or sowing more in others than they were in me. I reflected on the relationships in my life where I gave more than I was receiving in return. I need to invest more in me and others who are not the sucker branches where I am better able to bring ripe fruit into my life.It’s not a selfish thing but reflecting on me and where I am to where I want to go and grow.
2- I saw the physical effects that Dallas has had on me and well; all the people I have met who too have moved from other healthy and fit cities. I didn’t beat myself up over what I saw but rather gravitated toward a lifestyle of one that will produce healthy results for lasting living and lifelong impact.
3- I saw an investment in a career that I dreamed of that isn’t quite the reality as I believe most people experience. Remember the days when McDonald’s was good? Sure you know what I am talking about? When you are able to see it for what you are you can make the change. I have better boundaries, hours; and results in the end.
4- I saw that life will suck the life out of you if you are not actively investing in yourself. I don’t mean the purchase of a new car, more clothes; or material things. I mean investing in you. The person that you are. There will always be more debt for a vehicle, more clothes that will be outdated in a few months; more tweets to post about it all and that isn’t investing in you. That is nothing but the trap of society to keep you from the right focus for actual living. Take a step back and look. Step back and see.
It’s all about choice. Choice to see. Choice to pay attention. Choice to change. Choice to choose. You may want to get on board and do something now before it’s too late. You would hate to not invest in the one thing that can change your life and then have to tell that to others what you never did.
Maybe you have been there for a visit; or perhaps you still live there. The land of “I was’ is a haunted place that keeps people trapped. People there have difficult ever leaving because “I Was” brings comfort. It’s familiar. It’s a boasting point. It’s what always was and has become what is; even though in reality it is not.
It is a trap that keeps the most brilliant in need of a mental makeover. So I ask: how brilliant are you? How ready are you to move to a new place?
You see you may think you are; ready to move but know that it isn’t easy. It requires looking forward. It requires letting go of the time when you were the most popular girl or boy in school. It requires you realizing that you are not a size 0 and that you don’t have 2% body fat. It requires you getting the reality check that you aren’t 25 and can’t binge drink or dance on the bar all night. It requires you to get over the fact that you were abused as a kid. You are no different than the 240million of the rest us that were abused too. It requires you making the choice to mentally catch up to yourself to recognize that the land of ‘I Was’ is no longer. Nope. It is gone. Now is the land of ‘I Am’ waiting should you be so strong.
I too had to leave the Land of ‘I Was’; else I would have died. I had all the proverbial symptoms of entrapment to a slow death; slithering with each thought, word; and action. I was destitute in my own thinking. I was living what I knew in the Land of ‘I Was’ because it was after all; what I knew.
I now know better. I live in the beautiful land of ‘I Am’. It brings much life. It brings many things that the former can not ever bring and so I share with you a few so that you too can see what you can grasp if only you take the step.
In the Land of ‘I Was’ I was lost, a victim, abused hurt, unforgiving, bound, resentful, broke, friendless; trapped in the deception of what I didn’t know or couldn’t possibly understand all based upon the past.
In the Land of ‘I Am’ I realize I am a victor, prosperous, joyful, loving, a friend, compassionate, redeemed; and who I was created to be all based upon my present and future.
You see; living in the past serves no purpose to anyone; not even yourself. Living in the present prepares you for your future. Wouldn’t you rather be here today going forward than attempting to live in a yesterday that’s gone? I know I sure do!
If you have ever been in the online dating arena maybe you’ve experienced it. In your in-box is s message telling you that you are a *(&&&*(() weirdo for not responding to an email quick enough, that you are prude for not meeting for sex; or that because you are a Christian not wanting to date a non-Christian it goes awry.
What do you do? Do you allow it? Defend yourself? Report it to the dating site? All of the above?
A few things to think about and steps to follow:
1-Report it to the dating site if warranted. You may have to search the site for the ‘help’ link as every dating site has a help section with a link to send your email. You can share the contents of the email and the username but do be aware that there are privacy policies in place to protect everyone so they may not be able to inform the sender that his or her behavior is not appropriate or abusive. You may also want to save a copy of the email in your personal files in case you need to get the police involved. You only need to file the complaint with the dating site if you are threatened so be prudent in this decision. If someone is just a jerk that is different than a threat upon your life.
2- Let it go. Challenging? Yes. If someone sends you a personal attack do not respond. Why? Engagement is fuel for the fire. Just like puppies; any attention is attention. Your response will only fuel the fire and if the person is a narcissist or has full blown NPD he or she will only have to continue to debate, position himself or herself to be right; have the last work and dominate you. Let it go and move on to someone who respects you.
3. Character concern. People reveal who they are in what they write. If the person believes it’s acceptable to personally attack you for what you believe or won’t do; it’s a huge red flag. If a person suggests you hide behind your Christianity because you do not want to debate doctrine; then what does that really say? You and your opinion are not respected, you have no value; and that the person is not interested in anything other than proving his or her point. What would happen if you were to ever meet? If you ever had a disagreement? If someone calls you names like pompous and challenges what you believe, tells you that while you are educated you really are not or that you evade truth because you don’t share in the same beliefs; that character is cause for concern to be around. If you are in pursuit of someone to love and be loved by would that person who says such things be a wise choice for companionship or marriage? There is never a reason to condemn someone and you need to recognize that it won’t change if you were to meet’ regardless of what the pictures look like.
4- Know your worth. You do not ever have to tolerate someone dis-respecting you. Ever. You have too much value and too much to give to someone who deserves is. If someone sends you an email that is critical, rude, mean, negative; or name calling then don’t tolerate it. There is never a reason to let anyone diminish who you are; especially someone who is hiding behind a computer screen and shows complete lack of class for who they are and for you.
Bottom line is that online dating may have benefits; it doesn’t mean that you have to give your time to those not worthy of it. There are many predators out there who have the sole purpose of causing pain. Sad but true. Focus on your end result goal. If someone does not measure up to what you want; it’s no big deal. Not everyone is a match for everyone. You have absolutely no reason to defend what you believe, want or who you are. Who you are my friend, is enough for someone who is looking exactly for you.
Want to continue to conversation. Check me out at www.facebook.com/1julieblair
It’s incredible that there are so many who push the ‘feminine’ agenda and all about the power of women unless it’s the likes of Sara Palin or Maria Kang; or those who are prettier than they are. Why ladies; can we all not come together to celebrate the essence of women instead of hating each other? Don’t we get enough of this from television commercials, men, religion; and everything else? It’s a worldwide issue and we together have the power to make it stop. It doesn’t matter if you are in Australia, Saudi Arabia, Canada or Tokyo it’s all the same,
The latest story of of the 32-year-old Maria Kang who is a fitness model and former beauty pageant contestant-oh and military wife and mother of 3. She posted a picture wearing workout attire with her children asking ‘What’s Your Excuse?’ The backlash she has received is enormous! The question is ‘why do so many women care what other women are doing’? Why are you giving so much time hating one woman when you could be loving yourself?
For women who want to or say they want to embrace each other; stop the bickering. Stop the backbiting. Stop focusing on what other women are doing. Stop comparing and blaming everyone else for your body image issues. Just stop it.
Women need to look at women for who they are. Maria Kang is a military wife, she is a mother of 3; and she is judged for what she looks like. If you feel bad about yourself after looking at models or beauty queens; then stop looking at it. If you know eating fries isn’t healthy; then stop. It’s that simple.
So long as women judge women for being too big or small; for being too pretty or ugly we will never advance. We will never be friends. We will never be in business together. We will never get past the small-mindedness of talking and gossiping about people to the level of speaking about ideas and ventures.
Ladies let’s get past what we think other women should be doing or looking like and start focusing on what we individually can and should be doing for the best change in our lives. Let’s stop the misogyny and celebrate women together. Don’t you agree?
The best way to get something different in life is to take the steps. It’s not that hard; once you get your mind in order.
Here are a few ideas to help you get started:
1- Think about what you are thinking about. How much time do you spend thinking about terrible the U.S. economy is, the disasters here or there, the Saints first loss of the season, the cost of everything; and all the other stuff that is just plain negative. Get away from it to get that positive mindset as you can’t live without it!
2- Look at what you are looking at. Are the images of skinny models wearing you down? How about vehicles or houses that you can’t afford? People on facebook living life and traveling? Regardless if what you are looking at is it not manifesting positive and good things in your life; why give your eyes to see it? Once you see it its imbedded so why bother? Don’t you need the time to do something else more productive; like live?
3- Listen to who you are listening to. Who is telling you that you aren’t good enough? Tall enough? Pretty enough? Wealthy enough? If you feed your mind garbage it will crave it. If those around you are negative and complaining then surround yourself with people who aren’t. There will always be someone selling you the lie that you are never good enough. Shut it down.
4- Taste what you are actually eating. If you actually stop long enough to taste what you are putting in your mouth- what does it taste like? Do you know? Coca Cola was just busted for advertising that sugar alternatives in their products are safe. “Our use of high-quality, low- and no-calorie sweeteners, including aspartame, allows us to give people great-tasting options they can feel good about.” Sure because a knockoff of anything is always better than the original. If you want to taste the good in what you are eating and drinking; then perhaps eating and drinking good things would be a great place to start. Oh and If you can pronounce them and their ingredients that’s even better!
Regardless of where you are or what you are doing change starts with you. If you are sick and tired of being sick and tired then change it. Don’t spend your life talking about it; as no one cares about what you talk about. They will only care when you are up and making the change that they wish they could have made.
Dating is a time to get to know someone else. It’s a time for enjoying the company of someone and determining whether that person is someone you would want to learn more about and get to know. The catch is that in our society of selfishness, self focusedness and selfies it’s become more difficult to get away of the ‘I’ focus. If you are the center of your world and have no pets, no kids and no plants; or anything besides yourself it’s a tough lesson to learn. Some things that may cause you from getting past the first date may be some of the ‘I’ items that may be getting in your way. These include:
1- Focus too much on your education. Sure you went to Princeton but so what? What else is there?
2- Focus on all the places you have traveled to. It’s nice you have traveled the world but what does that have to do with the person listening?
3- Focus on all the name dropping of all the famous people you know. What does you knowing famous people have to do with anything?
4- Focus on the titles you have had in your career. Your title may only imply you are more interested in titles than developing who you are without them.
5- Focus on all the stuff you have collected and car you drive. It’s nice you have toys and shoes but what else is there beyond spending money on things that simply depreciate?
If you are out to meet someone else yet spend more time talking about yourself all it reveals is that you are:
1- Trying to prove something.
2- Bragging.
3- Egotistical
4- Insecure
5- Not interested in the person you are with or getting to know that person.
You see it’s one thing to share who you are but yet if you spend the entire time selling yourself as to why you are so wonderful yet forget to ask a single question about the person you are there to get to then what is there? How possible is it to get to know someone else if you only share how wonderful you are? What really can you expect if you leave without knowing anything about the person you were just with?
It can be a challenge to get to know someone so just ask yourself how much of what you talk about is you focused compared on others focus? Getting away from what you think is going to sell you to simply sharing who you are will get you much further than you think. I challenge you today to ask yourself, ‘Who am I?’ instead of ‘What am I?’ and go from there. I’m curious to know that beyond what you have. Aren’t you?
There are three types of people in this world. It doesn’t take much to identify which you are; and of course which you want to be.
Let’s examine:
1- Those who make things happen: These are the early risers who recognize life is short and needs to be lived. These are those who don’t procrastinate, don’t hold back; and don’t let opportunity slide by. They are opportunistic, creative, assertive and visionaries. Think John Maxwell Albert Einstein, or even Phil Robertson.
2- Those who watch things happen: These are the people who tend to be more methodical although to a fault. Life is to be lived; and with this group more time spent watching things happen and less time making things happen. Some symptoms of this are analysis paralysis, indecisiveness, fear of failure or success, self-esteem issues and more. Sure there are those who may argue the point but most likely if they were trying to they would be in the category of making things happen so it’s a moot point.
3- Those who wonder what happened. It happens so quick to those who aren’t paying attention. Life goes by, the kids graduate college; and here this group of people are scratching their heads wondering what happened. It’s a shame because there is so much the world is missing from them and if only they would get it; the world could and would be a better place. Their symptoms include lack of direction, vision and purpose, fear of achieving, approval seeking, self-doubt, procrastination and others.
Which are you? Do you see yourself in more than one category or not one you want to be in? Regardless of where you are; your life is waiting for you? Go live it. Start today and make it happen in the way that only you can!
All images belong to their various owners.
It’s sport season all around. Whether you are into the NFL, MLB, or college football there is something out there for everyone who loves a game. The talk about statistics, the play Marlin’s Adeiny Hechavarria made last night against the Phillies and just winning makes for great conversation. Through it all there are people in life winning?
When we look around society as a whole who is winning? And winning what? Furthermore; is winning everything? Charlie Sheen may have his answer but is it really the real answer?
When you think of winning what does it mean to you? Is it beating your competitors every time? Or is something bigger? Perhaps you have not ever thought about it before. Two people that know much about winning in sports are Tony Dungee and John Wooden. What is great about Tony Dungee is just his presence and how he treated his players. Never did he yell and still produced results.
John Wooden is a known winner in that he coached UCLA basketball team to 10 NCAA championships in his 12 years of coaching; with seven of them in a row. He also posted records for undefeated seasons and record straight wins of 88 games in a row. That is unheard of in sports! What’s the secret? What is it that brings some to the winning while others not so much?
The answer simply would be self development and improvement. You see; with the right focus in the right place the right results will be attained. If the right focus in the wrong place is evident the right results can’t be attained. If the wrong focus is in the wrong place then be default nothing of what is wanted will be attained.
Where do you fall in? Are you focusing on winning at all cost? Are you focusing on the Jones’s and what they have instead of what you already have that they don’t? Are you focusing on being better than everyone else instead of focusing on refining and improving you?
I learned a long time ago that the more time I spend focusing on the things outside of me the less time I am spending improving myself. Through that not only have I lost time and gotten distracted; but I most certainly am not winning!
It’s ironic that both men and woman say the same thing about each other: ‘We just don’t understand them”. This would make sense since men are not women and women are not men. Sure there are some that say men are from Mars and women from Venus but that would mean you would have to actually go there to know this; and how many men would take that journey? In order to get it you have to get beyond yourself and of course we go go back to where it all started with Adam and Eve; but that isn’t the examination of this article today. Perhaps another time.
To help men understand women and grasp where the oh so crazy ideas are coming from it will be explained in simple terms; not because men are stupid but because simplicity is best. Here we go:
1- Women take what men say literally. What does this mean? Well gents; if you tell a woman something like, ‘you are beautiful’ or ‘I will be home in about an hour’ that is what she is working with. If you say something like, ‘We’ll go on a road trip to Austin. You will love it’ the woman will listen to the action of what you said. If you tell her you are going to call then guess that? She is expecting a phone call. Otherwise; why would you say it? Note if you are a liar then we need not say more but again- who would tell the truth about that?
If you compliment her, then kiss her at the end of the date and tell her you will call her- and then don’t you have just done more damage than you know. It’s a triple whammie! Not only now are you the liar, but why would you kiss her if you didn’t like and why would you say you would call if you have no intention of doing so? See guys; what this does is mess it up for the next guy who comes along.
Just as I wrote to woman that their behavior sets the stage for those who follow and the same thing here. If you don’t follow through and give her the wrong impression then she is going to wonder what is so wrong with her and what she did wrong. Now she may have done nothing wrong which is why you complimented her, kissed her and said you would call but that isn’t it. She is going to internalize that she did something wrong because you didn’t follow up. She is left not knowing a single thing other than it was a big farce. Then when the next man comes along; she most likely hasn’t forgotten what the last one did and now with you she is more on guard than she ever was. By you being honest you will save yourself, the men who come after you; and he ladies as well.
You may ask ‘how do I get around saying I will call when I know I won’t’? Well; don’t tell her that you will. Just tell her you had a nice time and leave it at that. This way; when she calls her girl friends a couple days later to complain that ‘you didn’t call’ her friends will ask ‘did he say he would call?’ and she can say ‘No. He didn’t.’ While she may be hurt at least the truth would be out instead of her having the statement ‘he said he would call’ and ‘he just proved he’s a liar’ to work with.
I know and have heard from some men that honesty is not the best policy here but let me just tell you from personal experience: I would much prefer the truth than a lie. I once went on a fabulous 3 hour lunch followed by a spontaneous movie with a man and it was awesome! Every single thing about it was better than any date in the previous 9 years and then nothing. No call, nothing. I was left not knowing anything. To have not been told he would call would have been much easier to swallow than hearing he would and not knowing why he didn’t. Take it from me; women may not like the fact you don’t call but at least you were honest and women can respect that. You wouldn’t be a jerk you would just be a man who didn’t call. Do you see the difference?
2- Compliments mean something. When a man compliments a woman it’s a beautiful thing. In case you haven’t noticed; women go out of their way to look good for you. Some even starve themselves or enlarge their chest just to feel better about themselves so that you guys will take note. Short skirts, high high heels, makeup; need I say more. Yes in this instance much of it all about you. (We won’t talk about how some women do it for other women in this post.) When you compliment a woman she hears it and it is affirming; but now if do nothing to follow it it then it’s a big blow to her ego. Let me explain: if you go out with a woman and tell her how beautiful she is then why wouldn’t you want to go out with her? If you tell her that ‘she is the perfect package’ then what is the issue that you don’t want to continue to go out with her? Do you see how this ties in to #1.
3- Over-complimenting is creepy. Giving a compliment is one thing but over-complimenting is something else. Sure it’s nice to hear ‘You are beautiful’ ‘I love your mind’ ‘I love your curves’ and so on but if all you do is give compliments one after another after another after…. you will leave her wondering what is wrong with you. She also will become more reserved because you will come off as a smooth salesman who just says the right things because he thinks it’s what a woman wants to hear as opposed to it being genuine. If you use compliments to get them back; that too will be a trap because she may be as smooth in that area as you are. She may give them in other ways and if you listen not only with your ears but your eyes too you will get much more.
4- Telling women you enjoy touching them in a first date is scary. If it’s a first date and you are unsure what she thinks of you; don’t tell her that touching her makes you feel good. You have just freaked her out! If you then couple it with ‘my love language is touch’ then now you are just sly. You are using The 5 Love Languages to justify getting what you want from her and that guys; does not make it ok. What she hears is ‘I get off on touching you’ which is extremely uncomfortable. It also tells her that you are more interested in how ‘you’ feel than how she does and you are now selfish and only interested in yourself. A big red flag! Now in other situations where you already know her that can be great but on a first date she is thinking she needs to take a shower to get the filth off.
5- Talking about the type of women you date tells more than you realize. Everyone has a past. Period. There is no way around this unless you are 12; and even some out there have major stories. Talking about women you have gone out with is one thing; but if you share things like, ‘oh this doctor I went out with’ or ‘that model I went out with had the longest legs’ then guess what? Good for you! If they were so great why are you not with them now? What is your point in sharing that with a woman? If you tell her you have or do date married women- then what does that say about you? There are some things that need not be shared in the beginning as it is only intel women will use to size you up. It would be similar to the woman you are trying to impress sharing with you that her last boyfriends were billionaires. Can you compete with that? No more than she can thinks she can compete with the long model legs. You still don’t want to hear it any more than she does. Also take note that she would be focusing on the type of women as in title and looks while you would be focusing on the money factor so why bring in something unnecessary. She isn’t going to want to get naked any time soon if all she is now thinking is that you want out with a model. The time is about each of you and not other people.
6- Women work within time perimeters. This is a tricky one and if you get this it will help you much. Women work within time constructs and most men don’t get that. Yes most women don’t get that men have no time line which yes is an issue for everyone. You see; women do work within time frames and for great reasons. It’s typically women who manage the household, make 80% of the decisions, go to work, take care of the kids; and pick up your dry cleaning and do your laundry while making sure dinner is ready. If there were no time frame of anything what would get done? Women need time to get ready for a date with you which again; time factor. It isn’t about putting you in a box but rather them having something to work with. Things need to be done in a certain time frame for women and that is because women plan more than men. It’s not a negative or positive just something to help you understand why women are time focused. If you say you will be home an an hour; she is expecting you home in an hour. If you want to know what she is doing in that hour? Getting the last of her work done, running two errands, freshening up, cleaning up; and perhaps preparing dinner or something else for you. You not showing up is infuriating because she could have done the other ‘3’ errands she needed to but didn’t, continued working on another project; and prepared something different than what she originally had planned based upon the time you gave her. Do you see it now?
7- Titles and labels aren’t traps. When a woman asks what is it that you are doing together and what it ‘is’ it doesn’t mean she is trying to trap you. It’s that she just wants to know. Some men think that women are so devious in their thinking that women just spend all day thinking of how they can trap a man they like into giving them a title. Why would women do that? Don’t say because they are crazy because women could say the same thing! Women work more on definites than abstracts. Giving something a definition doesn’t mean your life is over! If you think this then perhaps you should not be going out with her, or her, or her; or her or her. If you drive a car you have no issue calling it that so if you are dating a woman who happens to ask if you are just dating or exclusive don’t freak out. If you happen to date the ones that do then possibly it’s something to look into. She doesn’t want to marry you tomorrow. You see; gone are the days where women ‘need’ a man to have an identity. You may not know it or not but women do have their own social security numbers now. If they have identity in Christ; then rest in that too.
8- Pay attention to her body language. This is huge gents. If you start paying attention to her body language you will get it. If you ask her ‘honey what’s wrong’ and she says nothing but won’t look at you- it’s a clue. 93% of communication daily is nonverbal. The cues and clues are all there but if you are too busy focusing on the fact she talks too much you will miss everything she is telling you; and what a shame that would be! If you want a woman who doesn’t talk- then go date a man. Who knows what you may be missing out on by not listening and paying attention to the woman you are with?? If you move in close to her on a first date and she moves away it’s a clue. Don’t go in closer as you will only then push her further away and your second date will never happen; and your first is ending sooner than you may want. Women need time to absorb information. This is why women window shop every store of the mall; they gather information. You men; can walk in and buy and be done in 30 seconds. If you meet a woman and try it your way going in for the kill so quick you will end up dead in the water! Women are always communicating and if you pay attention to it you will get much more than you realize. I challenge you to start today!
9- Her wanting to be married doesn’t mean to you. There are always things women should not talk about; so says men and ‘some’ dating coaches. Here is the deal on this one though: just because a woman wants to be married some day really doesn’t have anything to do with you. If you tell her you want a sports car should she run because she is going to think that you are expecting it from her? When you hear what she wants understand that it may or may not have anything to do with you. If you take the time to listen to the rest of what she has to say instead of freaking out; you will know much more and not have to order that extra scotch. Yes it’s clear that most men hear marriage and they run because they can’t imagine themselves married or that they aren’t sure if they would be in position to marry her- and on it goes but relax. She may not even be into you and you into her so why run after 30 seconds?
10- Her wanting kids doesn’t mean with you. This is a tricky one because like with marriage; it’s been said that this is also something else that women shouldn’t talk about. Now that is fine and I’m not saying to start the first date with ‘I want to be married and have kids- with you’ as that is a big red flag. On the other hand; knowing this information can be to your advantage. You may not want kids but perhaps your best friend does. Set her up with your best friend and when they get married you will be the hero! Again; just because a woman wants kids means nothing more than this. She has no idea if you would be that person any more than you know if you would want to be that person! Now yes there are those women who at first thought believe you are their savior; and you need to be on watch for this and ask yourself why you are in that position in the first place.
11- Sex means something to women. Sex may just mean sex to men but for women it’s different. Yes we all know that women create intimacy through talking (clue guys) and men through sex. Here is the thing: if you try to skip talking to her and move straight to sex without passing go, collecting 200 or anything else you are not getting it. Every time you have sex with a woman you are creating new soul ties. Those soul ties last and getting yourself entangled with a bunch of women sexually is a big trap. Sure it may just be ‘sex’ for you but for those women there is the emotional connection and when they have sex it does have much meaning behind it. If you are not interested in that woman in an intimate way; don’t use her for sex because you can. She doesn’t deserve it any more than you do a woman freaking out after the fact. Best to protect yourself and not engage. Sure that can be a challenge but there are consequences and what man wants their rabbit boiled?
11- It isn’t always about you. I know this is tough. After all you are a man. You are a good man. You are attractive. You are intelligent. You are a handyman at home. You are a high income earner. You are strong. You are charming. You are witty. Why wouldn’t it be about you? Well; it just isn’t. There are times in life when it is not about you and has nothing to do with you. It took me a long time to get that revelation that it wasn’t about me. It was huge! Once I realized that when a man says he will call and doesn’t that it wasn’t about me. I couldn’t figure that out; just being honest. Once it hit me that I was wasting time allowing myself to be hurt over some man that didn’t want to interact with me for a reason I didn’t know I was free! Him not calling had nothing to do with me- but I was sure it had ‘everything’ to do with me! In your case; it isn’t always about you either. Internalizing it and making it about you just keeps you the center of everything. To this I say; get over yourself! You will be glad you did. Now I know many of you reading this may argue and say ‘it is about me. I’m always in the doghouse’ and bla bla but then ask yourself what it is that you are doing to get and keep you there. I can’t answer that one in specifics as it could be a myriad of things. Not only this; with women you really have no idea so you have to be the investigator and solve that one for you.
So you see; there is a lot to understand. Women aren’t as complicated as you may think. It’s just that it takes time to get to know them and put down the remote or turn off the motorcycle to pay more attention and you will get there. The hope is that this insight will help maneuver through your dating and mating world to get the results that you are looking for. My best guess is that you want less drama, a healthy or healthier relationship with more sex; and a life with happiness. You can get it all if you just open your eyes a little more.