What it Means to Forgive
Have you ever thought about what something means to you? What does your spouse mean to you? How about your children? Your education? Your career? Your i-life perhaps? In the midst of all of these things we may see much; but what does it mean to forgive? In reflection of forgiveness when I looked at my life I started pondering what it has meant to forgive. As such; there is much.
Now I have a full teaching on what is forgiveness (https://julieblair.com/product/what-is-forgiveness-julie-blair/) but what it means to forgive is different. Forgiveness in Hebrew is two words: Nasa and Salah which together mean a pardon of iniquity.
What it means to forgive is that first you are ready for change. Nothing will change toward the direction you want if you are not ready for it. No Olympic athlete gets to the Olympics without first being prepared. When you are ready to forgive you and your life will drastically changed. I can attest to this as I have an entire ministry based upon forgiveness; and it wasn’t my plan before I forgave I can tell you that!
To forgive means that you are ready to let go of the pain and hurt. This can be quite challenging although beyond therapeutic I may add. To be honest I had no idea the depths of my soul that had been overtaken by unforgiveness. I didn’t know the amount of bitterness, sadness; and pure helplessness that owned me. I wasn’t until I purged the pain that I was able to see and be released in the name of Jesus.
To forgive means that you are ready to repent and be obedient to God’s Word. This too I had no clue about! Sad really since I sat in church every Sunday but yet was a miserable mess. I’ve since learned that where I go in my relationship with God is up to me. There is no such thing as forgiveness without repentance as Acts 3:19 is very clear: ‘Repent and seek forgiveness, so that times of refreshing may come.’ (NIV) Forgiveness too is a command so therefore by default; not being forgiving is not being obedient. To forgive means that you are mentally and spiritually; and emotionally prepared to do what God’s Word commands. Remember that it is obedience that is better than sacrifice. Yeah; I didn’t know that one either.
To forgive means that you are ready to grow in Christ. See; there was so much about unforgiveness and forgiveness I didn’t know. I didn’t get the fact that forgiveness wasn’t about anyone but me and the Lord. I thought it was just go tell someone ‘I forgive you’ and that was it. Well; I did that for decades and then learned how much of a lie that was! It also didn’t work because I still harbored unforgiveness which kept me disobedient. Go figure. I get now that when I forgive; it is my surrendering of myself to the Lord in obedience and guess what? He works on my behalf! He healed me! He restored me! It was Him who justified and righted all the wrongs done to me. He avenged me. I didn’t have to go and fight my battles. As a result; my relationship with Christ changed. It grew and I grew. I didn’t know going into it though that it would be so much. I had no idea.
And finally; to forgive means that you are no longer a victim. There may be many terrible things that have occurred in your life; but you aren’t the victim once you forgive. I’ve been through it all: abandoned at age 3, foster home for 2 years, abusive adoptive parents, homeless shelter- all by age 15! I know divorce, infidelity, molestation and more. And I know that through forgiveness I am healed and not a victim. You aren’t either. When you forgive all of it is removed. You are not who you were to allow what once was to be what is.
Forgiveness in Christ is the pathway to your future. Apart from Him you can do nothing so it reads in John 15:5. When you too recognize that forgiveness will heal your hurt, right your wrongs; and bring beauty for ashes you will never be the same. Forgiveness may mean something more or different to you; but let it mean that you are progressing. Let it mean that you are being changed in magnificent ways. Let it mean that your light is shining like never before!
Share with me how it’s changed you. I would like to know. Why? Because I care. Because He cares.
For more about forgiveness watch Living in Forgiveness on Tuesdays at 9:30 on the UANetwork. Starting in September it will be Monday-Friday at 9:30pm. To watch previous episodes follow here: http://uanetwork.tv/uanon-demand/living-forgiveness-julie-blair/
There is much talk lately about identity theft and for good reason.What’s sad is that as much as it’s talked about; unless it happens to you there doesn’t appear to be much concern. What’s worse is that when it comes to identity in Christ; it appears even less are concerned. It’s a shame because without forgiveness in Christ there is no pure identity. And without that; people perish. Isn’t it time you got your true identity back?
When we go to the beginning we can see that it was all laid out accordingly; but because of free will people have the choice to grow closer to God; or depart from Him. Before Adam made the choice to be misled by his wife Eve; he had a clear identity and plan. It’s clear in Genesis 2:15-18. “The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. 16 And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; 17 but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.” 18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (NIV)
God gave Adam his identity and purpose; He created Him with one and the same is for you too. Obviously God and Adam had a relationship as well which is truly no different than people today; except many choose to forsake God through rebellion. They take what little identity they think they have created to go live a life they think is unto God yet know Him not. God knew Adam and Adam knew God. The plan was for Adam to take care of the garden and expand God’s Kingdom with his lovely wife Eve. What is your purpose? What are you doing to protect your identity in Christ?
While we know that Adam’s sin was putting his wife before obedience to God, that Adam was told to protect all that was in the garden; and that Eve was deceived. What we must recognize is that through the choice to sin; identity was lost. Period. When you make the choice to turn away from God to live your life your way; you lose out and in more ways than you can possibly imagine. Nothing was the same for Adam or Eve. It couldn’t be. Nothing will be the same for you either unless you choose the path of forgiveness in Christ to get your real identity.
Your identity in Christ is really all you have. Period. Outside of that you have and are nothing. Period. Sure you may have a nice title at work; but so what? Who cares? At the end of the day does it define you? And if it does what happens when you lose the job and title? Then do you allow the title of ‘unemployed’ define you? If your identity is found in the beautiful car you flaunt yourself in for everyone to see; why are you thinking so lowly of yourself that that is all you are worth is a car that depreciates every mile you drive? If your identity is created by sleeping with men with hoping they will love you knowing otherwise I want you to know that beyond it all there is something so much bigger in your identity!
You are worth so much more than you have settled for. I know this to be true because I have lived through the pain of not knowing. It wasn’t until I truly understood forgiveness, how to forgive, and what it even is that I started to have an identity. You see; unforgiveness separates you from God. It brings distance between you and Jesus. But once you make the choice to overcome you will have life and to the full. Acts 3:19 is clear: “Repent and seek forgiveness, so that times of refreshing may come.” (NIV) Your identity is part of the refreshing package!
As you forgive and truly seek the Lord for your identity in Him; your life will change. It has to! You will never be the same- in Jesus Name. The things of the past will no longer have the impact they once did. The people who used you, abused you; and reused you will have no power to harm you. They can’t. Those who stole from you will never be able to do because you know who you are in Christ.
The things that you gave away to get what you never could will be a thing of the past. You and your identity will be treasured in ways that could only come from Him. God’s Word is clear that He will never leave you or forsake you; and isn’t it time that you stop forsaking Him? It’s beyond time! It is time now for forgiveness to reign, for your identity to be restored and the real you to stand up for the assignment that He has waiting for you. That is what it is time for!
There is so much focus on forgiving and forgiveness which obviously is wonderful; but what about life after? What is life after forgiveness like? What should it be like? Most don’t ever get to a place of recognition of what it should be and that is a problem. Life after forgiveness is as much a process as forgiveness itself. Let’s explore!
1. Life after forgiveness is not the same as life with unforigveness. Everything is different when you lived as an unforgiver. Everything. The way you saw life and behaved in your relationships was based upon who you were at that time. As you forgave you changed. Therefore; nothing will be the same. Relish in that!
2. Life after forgiveness means relationships will change. Because you are are not who you used to be; your relationships can’t follow suit. Some may get better while others may dissolve. As a result of this; being aware of the changes that are coming into your life may take some time. Forgiveness and the entire process is healing. Remember you are the one who changed in your choice to forgive and as a result of you choosing to change; everything in your world will change too. For me personally; the larger things I had to forgive others for meant they were no longer in my life. There simply was no need. Some relationships had run their courses and I moved past what they could offer. It’s nothing against anyone; it simply was more about the changes that occurred in my life. I needed to move forward and some of my relationships simply would not be in alignment with that. In the case of a marriage situation; everything is forgivable. It is moreso a matter of whether or not we choose to get to a place in our hearts to forgive and then desire to continue to change in the relationship for it to grow in a healthy way.
3. Life after forgiveness will reflect the changes of you, who you are, and who you are becoming. After forgiveness nothing in you or your life will be as it once was nor will it be as it currently is. Don’t be alarmed by this! Your growth is what changes you. Now of course people who don’t forgive also grow- just not in the same way. When you forgive your life will reflect the positive growth in who you are based upon the choice to forgive but also through the act of forgiveness itself. You will never be the same. Because you aren’t the same; your life and the impact it has on others won’t either. This is probably the biggest testimony of life change through forgiveness. Who you become is reflected in the forgiveness you give.
My life changed after I forgave. Every single thing in my life changed. My eyes opened, my relationship with Christ deepened; my ministry was birthed. I was forever changed. It wasn’t until some time later that I started seeing all of what occurred through forgiveness and there are still days when I see just how much my life changed. Rest assured the one thing I can share with you is that you and your life will never be the same; but if you don’t forgive you won’t know. So today is the day to make sure you forgive so you can truly live!
If you want radical change in your life forgive. Sure sure you may think although it’s true. Growing up I heard much about forgive but never knew what it was. When I became a Christian I heard more but never heard how. What good does it do to be told to do something that you don’t know how to do or even understand why or the benefits? At least that was how my mind worked at the time.
What I understand now is not only what forgive is, but how to forgive, the why and the after effects. It’s become my lifestyle and in some ways my life. I am absolutely changed by the message of forgiveness and you can be to. So how does it change you?
Forgiveness changes your heart. Unforgiveness and forgiveness alike are conditions of the heart; whether good or bad it’s up to you. The more I forgave the less my heart hurt. Sure people would do things that hurt but the pain and internal bondage wasn’t able to have the impact upon me that it once did. My heart was healed of all the pain from my past and I became able to live free and love others in freedom too. My heart wasn’t fearful of the ‘what if’s’ that used to bind me.
Forgiveness changes your relationships. I never knew the impact that my unforgiveness had on my life. I didn’t know that in the Bible bitterness was spiritual poison; even though I read the Bible. I never saw it. I couldn’t see that so long I was living in unforgiveness that it impacted my relationships to the point where I wasn’t able to give freely. Now this would make sense as you can’t give what you don’t have so think about what you are giving. Is it what you truly want to give to others? If not change it. My relationships were able to grow to a certain point; but no further. All of the symptoms related to unforgiveness kept me living in self-preservation mode to where my relationships were inhibited. I encourage you today to forgive as your relationships will forever be changed. My relationship with my biological mother changed after I forgave her. I no longer hated her; but rather saw her more in line with the way that Christ does.
Forgiveness changes the direction of your life. When you live in unforgiveness your life decisions will be based upon that. Every decision that yo make when being unforgiving is entirely different than when you are forgiving. How people are able to treat you, how you treat them; and the level of interaction with them changes. What you think and how you think changes. How you read and receive God’s Word changes. Your purpose and assignment for your life will become more clear. How else would I be able to share the great message of forgiveness had I not truly experienced it to the level that I have? It would not be possible for me to do and on national television! God created you for something specific and it may very well be that your mess will become your message that will be your message; and once you live life in forgiveness it will become so clear that even a fence post would get it. Your life will never be the same. Get ready I say to you today!
Forgiveness was the biggest game changer in my life. I have shared in the past my eye color and voice changed which is true; but it’s so much more than that. It is every single aspect and component of every single part of my life changed. It opened my eyes to seeing people more in line with God’s Word. It opened my heart to becoming more accepting. It opened my eyes to seeing more than I ever could before. Nothing in my life is as it was nor will be as it is in this very moment and the very same would be for you too. How do I know? Because I know God’s Word, His message, and that it never returns void. I know that your heart will be forever changed and as it is; so will you. And my dear friend; you are worthy of that.
Forgiveness heals. It brings much power into the life of those who choose it. I never knew the healing power of forgiveness until a few years ago. I heard the message ‘forgive’ as far back as I can remember; but what it meant and what it meant after were things I never knew or understood. Understanding the healing power of forgiveness is truly something you cannot understand or experience until you take the step to forgive.
So what is the healing power of forgiveness? How does forgiveness give you power? In so many ways but for today I shall share just 3.
1. It heals your physical body. There are many diseases linked to unforgiveness. Many people will say unforgiveness is a cancer when in reality it’s a heart disease. It’s spreads like cancer but impacts the heart first after the mind. Harvard revealed results from a study in 2009 that arthritis is linked to unforgiveness. This would be correct; especially if the person too has bitterness which is spiritual poison as stated in Hebrews 12:15. Arthritis connected to unforgiveness and bitterness will rot the bones and by forgiving you can be healed. There are other ailments too linked to unforgiveness including hypertension, heart palpitations and many others. Recently, Pastor Aquilla Nash shared her testimony that when she forgave she no longer had osteoarthritis. My personal story is that my eye color and my voice both changed when I dealt with my issue of unforgiveness. This would make sense because of the amount of spiritual baggage that I allowed to weight me down. I like to say that ‘forgiveness is the greatest weight loss and cheapest face lift’! I didn’t have to live life so stressed and in angst impatient all the time. It is wonderful I must say!
2. It changes your perception. When there is unforgiveness evident in a person’s life; their perception is distorted. There is no power in living anything in distortion. It’s like a drunk person trying to walk a straight line. Sure in their mind they are straight yet everyone else sees the truth. Romans 12: 2 is very clear to be renewed by the transforming of the mind and through forgiveness your mind will change which leads to a change in perception. No longer will you be a victim of events, circumstances or people of the past. For me personally yes I was a victim but I also lived as one. When I learned the truth from my biological mother and how she was given an ultimatum to either sell me to the case worker for 10k or never see me again what I thought of her changed. My perception of what actually occurred was very different from what I believed it to be for so many decades. Unforgivess keeps you seeing only one vantage point and that as a result leaves you powerless. Forgiveness gives you power like never before.
3. It puts you in control. I never understood this until I understood this. Once I forgave I realized some time later that what other people had done to me no longer had an effect. I was free! I was free from the bondage of not only what they did; but the impact and influence too. You see; when you are living in unforgiveness others are in control. They are in control because you allow them to be. What they did, how they did it; when they did it and all the other things that come along with it keep them in the position of control. Now; they may not even know it and that doesn’t matter in the big scheme of things because it isn’t about them. It’s about you and when you remove all the unforgiveness and its cousins you are in essence being in charge of your life without any interference from anyone or anything from the past or even the current. You will be in proper position to see that you have the power. You do. When nothing from anyone is in your life you are in control. And I say control in such a way that it isn’t domination or ego of ‘edging God out’ but rather living without the infection of unforgiveness.
Forgivess gives you peace. It heals you physically, spiritually, mentally and even relationally. It gives you power to be the change that you want for yourself but for others to live the lives that we were created to live. Forgiveness paves the way when there isn’t even a road that is known to be paved. If you want to see radical results and everflowing change and power come to you then forgive. Make it a lifestyle. Make it one today.
With the rise of bullying in schools and children’s lives; one may think the media may have more sense than to get involved in the fat shaming and bullying but apparently none are immune. When will forgiveness reign? When will we as a society stop focusing on what other people do and do not look like according to our own personal standards? When will the media start being a part of the solution instead of the problem?
The body image issues facing women are some that do not go away. If women are too skinny they are shamed. If they gain weight they are shamed. The double standard of what women are able to look like is becoming more bi-polar and at record pace. I remember being bullied as a kid because of my weight; being too little than what most thought it should be. And now the most recent act of fat shaming is against Kelly Clarkson who recently gave birth. Comments made about her were to the effect she should eat less pizza. It would be fun to just see any man carry a baby to term and then give birth- and then try to get that figure back! And then we wonder why young girls are starving themselves and committing suicide because of weight issues. Or perhaps we just don’t talk about that any more because it might be too offensive right?
Until we all stop focusing on what others look like and are or are not doing to focus on our own selves; we will continue to have problems. With the advancements of technology making it so easy to be mean doesn’t mean that we have to take advantage of. What it means is that we can all take into consideration that we are accountable for our actions, behaviors, and thoughts. Matthew 12:36 makes it clear: ‘But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken.’
The words you speak come from somewhere; most likely your heart and mind. What you allow to enter is what you breed. You can look around and if you pay close attention; you will see. It is that evident. When you see the worst in others and judge and comment on it it reveals more about you than it does the other people.
Ask yourself what you are breeding and make the necessary changes. If you haven’t been what you should be; forgive yourself and move on. There is still time to be a blessing to those who may be struggling with their appearance. There is still time for you to recognize that you probably have areas of improvement in your life as we all do. And if you are in a public position; remember that you are held to a higher standard whether you like it or not. You have the power to the part of the change in others that will change their lives. Why not focus on something more important than how much someone else weighs? Why not focus on the life that God has for you and get in line in that direction to be used for a much better purpose than putting others down. When we all live in that direction and remember that forgiveness changes lives; our hearts and lives will change as will the foundation for future generations. And isn’t that a much better use of time?
Forgiveness is a lifestyle; just as much so is unforgiveness. Creating a lifestyle of forgiveness is doable. In fact for Believers it is a command to live a lifestyle of forgiveness. When Jesus was asked by Peter how many times one should forgive He simply replied, ‘Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’ Matthew 18:22. Therefore; living a lifestyle of a Believer is there and available for you. Yes you! So how do you get there?
1. Recognize that you have the choice to forgive. The choice to forgive is yours. The choice to not forgive is also yours. When choosing a lifestyle that you want that brings the most peace it is a choice. You have the power to choose and making the choice is the first step to living your life empowered and moving in the right direction for your life.
2. Accept that people make mistakes. People let people down; it is part of life. When we focus on what others do we misunderstand that they are not perfect. Only Jesus was and is perfect and when that level of expectation is placed on others the mistakes they make reign control. When you understand and receive the revelation that people are not perfect and do not allow what they do to control you; you will be in better position to live in freedom and forgiveness of them for their mistakes.
3. Accept yourself. Accepting yourself is part of a lifestyle of forgiveness. Regardless of where you are or what you have done; self acceptance is a major component of living a lifestyle of forgiveness. When you accept your imperfections and mistakes; peace can enter.
The lifestyle of forgiveness is one that requires daily maintenance. Life happens. It’s what you do and how you handle it that matters. The choice ultimately is up to you. Forgiveness or unforgiveness is a lifestyle and the choice of what you choose is yours.
Life is hard. People cheat, lie and steal; all when you least expect it. Unforgiveness creeps in without even a scent. Next thing you know; your unforgiving life has caught up with you.
Three ways that unforgiveness separates you are quite simple really.
1) Unforgiveness keeps you living as a victim. Everyone has experienced pain, loss, frustration, theft, lies; so what makes you any different than the rest of us? The longer you keep portraying yourself as a victim the longer you are going to stay stuck in a lifestyle that breeds loneliness, bitterness; and all of the rest of the cousins.
2) Unforgiveness keeps you focused on yourself. Unforgiveness is a trap. Those who are unforgiving focus on themselves and the pain that they are still reeling from, haven’t gotten over; and are yet to want to release. Sure it’s hard in a a narcissistic society that we live in; but getting over self is the most wonderful and freeing thing you can do! There are people that need and if you are too busy focused on you that means none of those people in need are being served.
3) Unforgiveness keeps you focused on your past. We all have a past. Unforgiveness keeps you focused there, living there; and wanting to build a future there. There is no future in focusing on the past. There just isn’t. The past has served the present for your future. Until you grasp this; you are dead in the mud!
Overall; it’s a mindset and a heart condition. I understand the process of forgiveness as my life to this point has been one big hurdle. Unforgiveness stole much from me and once that revelation hit; my life changed. I now have a relationship with my biological mother after 28 years, I have a wonderful life; and am even blessed with a weekly television show- all about forgiveness! (www.julieblair.com) It is wonderful to weigh less and see the future. It’s there for you too- just make it a point to forgive and then of course-repeat. Daily.
Sure we hear all the messages about people who forgave and how strong they are; but this takes the cake. Yesterday it was released that a woman in Ohio’s medical records were posted on Facebook. Now not just any medical records. Nope. Her STD diagnosis was posted to facebook by Cincinnati’s UC Medical Center for the world to see.
An image of the diagnosis of was included in the post and as a result the woman is suing. The lawsuit claims employees at the University of Cincinnati Medical Center posted the woman’s syphilis diagnosis, which included personal identifying information, on a page for the closed group “Team No Hoes,” reports reveal. The posting included derogatory comments about the woman, calling her a “hoe” and a “slut,” her attorney said.
The group that it was posted to has over 2,000 people in it that now know all her personal business.
The question is: could you forgive? Could you forgive the hospital for blabbing your STD? Could you forgive Facebook for allowing it to be posted? Could you forgive the person who gave you the STD in the first place? Could you forgive the people who have judged you all the while keeping their own STD’s quiet? Could you forgive yourself for trusting the doctors in the first place? Could you forgive the employee who deemed you invisible and unworthy and thought nothing of ruining your life?
Could you? Perhaps after you get a cool check for 10 million? But even then would you ever be able to forgive?
It’s hard to not get caught up in the focus of what society deems beautiful. Magazines airbush every blemish that may actually be beauty marks, Hollywood glamorizes unhealthy weight and waistlines; and after reading style magazines for less than 2 minutes 30% of women in a recent poll felt worse about themselves.
How you escape it all? How do you get beyond what all the images, advertisements; and lies are to see the truth? A few things to help are:
1- Recognize it’s a lie. It’s a lie to believe you are not beautiful. It’s a lie to believe that you need to be anything more than you are. Remember that if companies advertised that you were beautiful ‘without’ their products they would not be in business.
2- Stop comparing. The more society brings us comparing ourselves to one another; the more feeling of insecurity creep in. Comparing yourself to others will in the end; not get you closer to be the real you that you were created to be. Celebrate yourself and know that what you see in others may not even be real.
3. Accept yourself. See; the beauty industry is about creating a beauty that ‘they’ define. How real is it? How true to you is it? You are beautiful and there is nothing about you that should not be celebrated; cellulite and all. Years ago I was challenged to do something that changed my self perception and my life. I was challenged to sit in front of mirror and simply stare at myself for 15 minutes. I first laughed until I sat there and started staring. At first I noticed all the things that would make sense; the blemishes. Then I sat longer and started seeing the beauty; the creation of me that God made. I saw my mole that I used to try to wash off in a different way. I saw my eyebrows different and was thankful that I even had them. I saw the different colors of brown in my eyes that I never saw before. I saw something new. How about you? Will you take the challenge?
As we go through life and live in a materialistic and outward appearance focused society; it’s time to get back to the basics and accept the beauty that we are all graced with. It’s time to stop looking at others and seeing what we are not as a result. It’s time to get to the reality of what we are and celebrate that. It’s time that we reocgnize it’s much more beautiful to be healthy in our own skin.