Single people are funny. They just are. Married people are too but not in the way single people are. Single people want to be married yet in order to even get to the status of dating someone that person must meet their criteria list of 1,000 items that simply are not attainable. Oh- you have too many stubbles on your face- can’t do that. Nope. It’s not like he couldn’t just shave right ladies?
If you are single and want to date and then marry someone are you living with too many expectations of that person you don’t even know? Have you placed so many perimeters on the person that regardless of what changes may occur in that person you have just disregarded him or her? I can tell you from experience- stop. Just stop now. Forgive yourself for thinking that someone else is going to be just like you and that you are so much better than all the others because quite frankly; everyone who is single is really in the same boat. So what makes you so high and mighty that you can demand and command all the things from someone that really don’t even exist or matter in the first place? Don’t you want someone who will love you for who you are- then why would you not get yourself in position to do the same? You can’t be the ‘I want you to love me just the way I am; muffin top and all- but honey before I love you I need to see more hair and a six-pack’ and expect that will garner you anything of quality.
See; if you want to date someone just like you go date yourself. Period. You will have a ball and no one to argue with or blame. What a perfect life of bliss you will enjoy all by yourself. Have fun in the nursing home!
On the other hand; if you actually want to branch out and meet and date that wonderful person open your mind. Open your heart. Recognize that while that person isn’t 6’1″ that 6’0″ is ok; especially if either height is still taller than you are. Open your mind to see that while someone may not be where ‘you’ think he or she should be; perhaps that person was just waiting for you to go on that journey there with you. Open your mind that relationships are a journey and when you don’t see that you miss what it’s about.
Forgive yourself for being so closed minded because folks; the last thing you would want to do is spend your life judging everyone for not being what you think when in reality; all those people you judged found someone wonderful and left you standing alone. Judge that.
I love the phrase ‘accident forgiveness.’ It’s all over the television and of course applies to those unwanted car accidents people find themselves in. But does accident forgiveness apply to other areas of life? One would think that ‘yes’ it does; but does it?
The whole concept of accident forgiveness is quite fascinating really. Isn’t most of what we need forgiveness for an accident of some sort? You may want to argue that people really do know what they are doing; although I challenge that. It was Jesus dying on the cross that said ‘Forgive them father for they know not what they’ve done.’ Sometimes we just give people too much credit and then wonder why the results are the way they are.
Perhaps it really is true that accident forgiveness is needed more often than we think; especially if you have never been in a car accident. I remember years ago preparing to go through the Holland Tunnel in Jersey and dropping the change before handing it to the clerk. I was absolutely mortified and as I kept apologizing my friend simply said, ‘no need to apologize’ and I couldn’t figure out he was so calm when I was freaking out! While a simple example it’s one that truly gave me perspective about how dysfunctional my childhood really was; but more importantly how many examples we can all come up with to demonstrate just how much we need forgiveness for our accidents on a daily basis.
What accidents have you witnessed daily? What acts of ignorance do you need forgiveness for? I have to admit that in my life I witness many accidents of those around me that I need to always be forgiving of. It’s of course a challenge as I am no different than you dear reader. I go through the same challenges of forgiveness as you. I have to constantly remind myself that forgiveness is a process and that as much as I need it for my accidents I need to also give. Who knew that accidents and forgiveness what such a give and take!?
As you go about today; celebrate the accidents for they are opportunities. They are opportunities to extend grace. They are opportunities to extend mercy. They are opportunities to demonstrate forgiveness. And isn’t that what we all truly need to give an receive?
The past is gone. It’s passed. Whether it’s five minutes ago, five days ago, five weeks or months or years ago; the past is gone. You can either be thankful or remorseful; but whatever you are about it does not change the fact that it is gone. It is time to forgive it or yourself for continuing to allow it to become your present and the future you live.
You see; we all have a past. There are many things about the past that change our lives and the changes that we allow those things to make is up to each of us. What are you doing with your past? What seriously are you doing with it? It requires an introspective look because forgiveness of it is required for freedom in future. The last thing you want to ever do is allow something from times ago to become what you see and live now.
If you are still looking at your life through the rear view mirror ask yourself why. What is it about your past that you think will bring you what you are truly seeking? What can it possibly bring? It can’t bring back that skinny figure. Nope. It can’t bring back the popularity you once had. It can’t bring back those who have passed on. It can’t bring back what once was. It just can’t.
What the past can bring if you let it is unforgiveness, bitterness, bad memories, judgment, shame, guilt, sadness, fear of success and failure; and a life you don’t want. If you don’t lay it down it will become and so will you; something that you don’t want to ever become. It will consume you if you are not walking toward your future free of the disease of unforgiveness.
How do I know? Personal experience. I was the kid who looked like a boy until 10th grade. I was the kid with the weight problem; I couldn’t gain it. I was the kid beat up by my adoptive parents and then was then bullied in school. I was the homeless kid at age 15 who was called a band fag because I played clarinet. I was the smart geeky kid who wasn’t popular. I was the hurt one who only knew how to carry that and that my friends; is what I did. And that is how I know the consequences.
I’ve learned many more lessons that I care to admit and I share them with you so that you can get around the mountain in less than 40 years. If I can help you at any moment live in freedom of forgiveness my days work is finished. How am I doing? Are you there yet? Just know that forgiveness is there. It’s for you. Your future is waiting. Forgive the past and run; don’t walk to the glorious future waiting to hug you!
Most people don’t pay much attention to unforgiveness; not in the church or out. It’s mentioned here and there but it’s not the main course; nope not unforgiveness. Yet it’s a bigger worldwide killer than any other disease on the planet. Unforgiveness steals your joy and life in ways you can’t imagine.
Unforgiveness keeps you impatient. Most unforgiving people are impatient. They just are. They want everything done at the time they want, in the way they want; and of course ‘now’. There is no ability to see any other perspective because well; there isn’t one. It is only one person’s timeline of people not doing what they need to for that one person who just proves continuously to have no tolerance for others. There is no joy in impatience for the unforgiver or those around the unforgiver. Now of course it’s not to say all patient people are forgivers; but those who are impatient typically aren’t as forgiving and have no joy.
Unforgiveness keeps you self- focused. It gets tiring because focused on self all the time. I had to learn that lesson the hard way. Those who are unforgiving are self-focused for a variety of reasons and through that; there cannot be any joy. When you get tired of yourself; where else is there to focus? Yes everyone alive has been hurt and experienced pain but it’s only when we forgive that we are able to see life from the perspective of the person that we believe hurt us. In the case of my biological mother; I hated her for most of my life because she abandoned. After we met I learned that she didn’t show up to our final parental meeting because the case worker gave her an ultimatum: sell me to him for 10k or never see your daughter again. Which would you choose? She said no, he changed our appointment and that was it! It was later learned he was buying and selling babies on the Canadian black market. When we are self focused and unforgiving we miss out on seeing and learning from others the real truth and it can cost us. It stole my joy for decades.
Unforgiveness keeps you isolated. Unforgiving people tend to be bitter, resentful; and a few other things too. It’s hard to be around those who complain, are negative and flat out miserable. That’s what unforgiveness does! It keeps you where you are which is living in the past. Those harboring unforgiveness will find themselves isolated because people living and experiencing life are filled with joy and your unforgiveness will keep you isolated from all the good things because good people know better than to surround themselves with negative nonsense.
Unforgiveness will wreck havoc on your life if you are not careful. With over 30 symptoms it creeps in unknowingly because it’s sly. Most people don’t study unforgiveness on their own and they just believe that lip service works; when in reality they still have all the symptoms. I’ve been there; I’ve seen all too often. If you find that on this day you have no joy, peace, or excitement in your life just ask yourself who you need to forgive. And then go get your joy back!
Life is hard. People cheat, lie and steal; all when you least expect it. Unforgiveness creeps in without even a scent. Next thing you know; your unforgiving life has caught up with you.
Three ways that unforgiveness separates you are quite simple really.
1) Unforgiveness keeps you living as a victim. Everyone has experienced pain, loss, frustration, theft, lies; so what makes you any different than the rest of us? The longer you keep portraying yourself as a victim the longer you are going to stay stuck in a lifestyle that breeds loneliness, bitterness; and all of the rest of the cousins.
2) Unforgiveness keeps you focused on yourself. Unforgiveness is a trap. Those who are unforgiving focus on themselves and the pain that they are still reeling from, haven’t gotten over; and are yet to want to release. Sure it’s hard in a a narcissistic society that we live in; but getting over self is the most wonderful and freeing thing you can do! There are people that need and if you are too busy focused on you that means none of those people in need are being served.
3) Unforgiveness keeps you focused on your past. We all have a past. Unforgiveness keeps you focused there, living there; and wanting to build a future there. There is no future in focusing on the past. There just isn’t. The past has served the present for your future. Until you grasp this; you are dead in the mud!
Overall; it’s a mindset and a heart condition. I understand the process of forgiveness as my life to this point has been one big hurdle. Unforgiveness stole much from me and once that revelation hit; my life changed. I now have a relationship with my biological mother after 28 years, I have a wonderful life; and am even blessed with a weekly television show- all about forgiveness! (www.julieblair.com) It is wonderful to weigh less and see the future. It’s there for you too- just make it a point to forgive and then of course-repeat. Daily.
It’s something written about and talked about everywhere. No I’m not talking about not sex; not today. I’m talking about money money money. The focus on money. The acquisition of money is everywhere. And in the end; people are broke. People are miserable.
A friend of mine shared with me a business conference where the attendees paid $500 for entrance to the event to listen to speakers who simply used their presentations to pitch them to think they needed to spend more money; because $500 wasn’t enough right? The money trap is everywhere. There is always someone somewhere wanting your money. Do you see it? Or do you just accept it’s life and give it freely?
If you are one who fell into the money trap it’s time to forgive. Forgive the system as it’s certainly set up for you to fail in the big scheme of things. Forgive yourself for falling into the money trap that you need a new ipod-every 6 months. Forgive yourself for falling into the trap that another new BMW lease will make you cool. Forgive yourself for trying to acquire wealth to impress women who still won’t be happy with all you have or have to offer. Forgive yourself for believing the lie that bigger breasts will get you a husband. Forgive the trap you fell into that got you to spend money you didn’t even need to in order to live a life you most likely aren’t loving!
Forgive yourself for falling into the trap of believing that the more money you have the more of a man or woman you will be. That is a lie! The money in your bank account does not make you who you are. You may disagree yet it is written that it’s harder for a rich man to get into heaven. Shock right? Money doesn’t make you what you are- it just makes you more of what you already are!
Look in the mirror and reflect on who you are, where you are; and where you are going. Are you truly willing to sacrifice family, time; and your life to get money or more of it? In reality it’s not the money that people want- it’s the idea of the power it will get them and in the end those with more money still have issues. Those with real wealth recognize that it isn’t about proving to others that they are worthy because they grasp that their value isn’t based upon dollar signs. Do you see this?
Our society is filled with advertisements all to suck what you have earned right from your wallet; and without you even seeing it. And if you aren’t seeing it you won’t see it because it’s all set up to make you not see your money leave. Start using cash and you will have more money. Studies reveal that those who use debit cards spend 20% more on a monthly basis. Don’t fall into the trap of money because in the end it will enslave you. If you are already enslaved; there is hope! Forgive it and yourself and get free. There is nothing more freeing than being free of money and all it’s trappings!
Forgive our youth for what they do not know.
Forgive them for what think they not so.
Forgive them for their wandering ways.
Forgive for not working the days.
Forgive them for the entitlements they think
Forgive them living on the brink.
Forgive them for not wanting to work
Forgive them for expecting the perk
Forgive them for now knowing what they should
Forgive them for not doing more than they could.
Forgive them for growing up this way
Forgive yourself and celebrate the youth today.
Fathers are incredible men. They are leaders, providers, guides, teachers, comforters, supporters, CEO’s, caretakers, funny, serious, goofy, hard-working, strong, hairy, determined men who deserve much more than they have been given. Look around at the fathers you see and if yours isn’t what you think he should be; then forgive him and yourself for judging him because who are you?
See; without a father you would not even be here. Let’s get that straight. Yes we know it’s women who give birth because men cry when they get splinters. Bla Bla. But let’s face it; without men where would we be? The ‘Founding Fathers’ weren’t women now were they? Um….. don’t think so.
We need to stop pretending men don’t exist and that they are unnecessary. They are not! We all know women can bring home the bacon and fry in it a pan- all without men. And that proves what? The more we remove fathers the more we all suffer and aren’t you tired of suffering?
So now on this day to come we need to step up and thank fathers for being who they are. We need to also forgive them. Forgive them for what you ask?
1. Not stepping up as they should. Why? Because 43% of US children live without their father [US Department of Census]. Need I say more.
2. We need to forgive fathers for allowing women to take away their manhood. Yes that’s a tough one but do it anyway. Mothers; we also forgive you for thinking that it was your place to take away the manhood of a father; regardless of who or where he is.
3. We need to forgive fathers for not being there. Fatherless boys and girls are: twice as likely to drop out of high school; twice as likely to end up in jail; four times more likely to need help for emotional or behavioral problems. [US D.H.H.S. news release, March 26, 1999] Yes I am aware that the courts are more in favor of women, which is why fathers need forgiveness because that father may have tried his best and you just didn’t know it because you were too busy being unforgiving. Not only this; if your father died too soon forgive him. Yes it’s a tragedy without a doubt and your forgiveness is about your healing and your future.
4. We need to forgive our fathers for not being what we expect them to be. Every one of us has an image of what a father should be. When that father doesn’t measure up; we hold it against him. It’s not his fault he couldn’t measure up to something he didn’t know existed. Forgiveness will heal your heart and change that relationship.
5. Forgive yourself if you have a father you have not honored. You may not think you got all that you deserved from your father and you are probably right; but hey at least you have one. I know I have one since I am alive but I’ve never met him. I had to forgive that man for not even being around at any part of my life. Once I did; every single thing changed.
Fathers are wonderful men that need desperately to be celebrated. They need not be pushed into silent suffering any longer. On this Fathers’ Day truly reflect on the father you have, the father you are; and even the father you want to be. While he may not be perfect remember; you aren’t either but don’t let it stop you from trying.
I would like to know who created normal in society. What makes one person more normal than another? What’s the normal scale? Are you normal if you drive a BMW and like football? Or are you just normal because you are a uniquely created individual and because all of us are different we are all normal? If you have rejected yourself for not being what you thought you should be; forgive yourself. I went through it too.
You see; there is nothing normal about me. I had to get to a place of recognizing this and accepting it. Those that know me best know this. I lived in a foster home, adoptive home, numerous other homes and even a homeless shelter by age 15. That is not normal. I looked like a boy until 9th grade. I was asked out by girls who thought I was a boy. Not normal.
I’ve had dinner with the Detroit Red Wings and sat in owners box seats at the Stanley Cup finals even though I am not even a Red Wings fan. My former client list of professional athletes is not normal. I find that west coast swing dancing and scuba diving are two of the easiest things I have done. And that; apparently is not normal.
My normal is low maintenance but most don’t believe that. I wear skirts because I can’t find shorts that fit. I wear heels because flats hurt my feet. I really do only wash my hair every four day because I can’t be bothered to do it daily. It looks best on day 4. My norm is put together style in less than 30 minutes with bargain clothes as I don’t spend full price on anything. Why would I? I am not the norm. And you probably are not either so forgive yourself for trying to be.
I was beat up by my parents and bullied in high school. I learned how to fight and how to break noses in one simple move. That too is probably not normal. I was called a band fag for playing clarinet in marching band. I raced motorcycles and shot rifles as a kid. I dated the honor society and chess team boys in high school. That was not normal.
I’ve been given cars as gifts. That’s not normal. I’ve had more sets of parents and have suffered more loss than most ever will in their entire lives and that is not normal.
I even host a television show and there is nothing normal about that. I will drive a mile out of the way for a Pepsi because I don’t like Coke. I will not eat before I spend money on bad food and I actually love playing the game spoons. I love having people over to cook mass quantities of pasta with fresh ingredients from scratch. That’s not normal so I’ve been told.
My norm is my norm. I had to forgive society for trying to mold me into something I wasn’t. I had to forgive the church for trying to mold me into looking like what a Christian is supposed to look like. You know; quiet while wearing flats. I had to forgive myself for trying to be normal in a society that isn’t even normal itself. I had to forgive myself for not just celebrating me in the image I was created in. And if you haven’t yet done so; do it. You will find that you are more normal than anyone would ever honestly share with you.
Summertime is almost here and with it comes shopping for that perfect bathing suit; as if there is such a thing. None never really fit all of what a woman’s needs are. There are those that just let the fat hang out here and there while providing lopsided coverage for this and that. It’s just so treacherous it makes you want to just eat a hot fudge triple sundae with three scoops, two cherries, some caramel and brownie with nuts infused with espresso. And that is where we need forgiveness folks.
See; the fat trap is there for everyone to fall into. I say it’s a trap because well; it is. There is so much focus on this diet, that diet; this new seed and that new drink that it’s beyond confusing. You can try this and it may not work for you yet your best friend lost 30 lbs and you just want to call her *(&*&*( but you know that’s not nice. After all it’s not really her fault.
So what do you do? You forgive. Hugh? Yep. You forgive yourself for a myriad of things:
1- Forgive yourself for not being the size you used to be. None of us are.
2- Forgive yourself for comparing yourself to others. You never know what is going on with others so don’t let that trap you.
3- Forgive yourself for what you did to get yourself where you are. There isn’t much in society that will set you up for success. Forgive yourself so you don’t feel worse as that only gives you more problems in the end to overcome. Say it with me: ‘I forgive myself for what I have done to myself. I am triumphant and can overcome those brownies, pizza and sitting.’ You are a conqueror you just may need a little reminding is all.
4- Forgive yourself for not eating foods that are living that you can pronounce. Much of the fat trap comes from non-foods. Eat living foods and you will feel alive and live longer. It will change your life in ways you can’t imagine!
We are all a work in progress and when this reality sinks in; it will change your life. You have the power to overcome the fat; where ever it is. For me; it was showing up on places I had no idea even existed! Seriously; do you have elbow fat? What is that? While it was a long journey to not be mastered by fat I am excited to share with you that I can walk by a table full of desserts and not even be tempted. And guess what? You can too!
You can do it; I know you can. It only takes you making the choice to forgive yourself so that you are free to reign supreme in your life. Make today the day the day that you are the master of you and that no brownie or cupcake with fat controls you. After all; that’s the best treat you deserve that won’t settle on your waistline.