In case you aren’t aware; the enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy. Like a thief in the night you can lose your life- and without even knowing it. The enemy is so vast in his strategies but once you know them; you can defeat him and live in victory. How do I know? God’s Word reads so! And guess what? Regardless of what your mind may want to argue; God’s Word ‘never’ returns void. So what does this have to do with forgiveness? Forgiveness is an awesome spiritual weapon because it not only changes your life and adds years to it; it does the same for others. And what better way to defeat the enemy?
Apostle Paul made it clear in the book of Ephesians, ‘For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.’ (Ephesians 6:12) (NIV) So a couple of things are clear: 1) there is a battle, 2) it’s not an earthly battle. Ok great right? Now you are informed that there is a battle and that it’s not just picking up a knife or firearm and aiming it. Nope. It’s something much more.
The enemy will destroy you in every way possible if you are not careful. You must take every step to ensure that you choose life. In the end forgiveness is an awesome spiritual weapon for a few reasons:
1- You are choosing life. When you choose life you choose to live. Deuteronomy 30:19-20 doesn’t mince words: ‘This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live (20)and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. (NIV) When you make the choice to forgive you are choosing life; and there is nothing more that the enemy hates than those who choose life. I never knew just how many choices I made in my life that aligned with death. I truly didn’t. This was until I started reading the Bible on days other than Sunday. This wasn’t until I grasped the reality of what it means to choose life. This wasn’t until I truly understood that there is a war for my life. And guess what? There is one for yours too! You are that precious which is why the enemy wants to take you out. Choose life today!
2- You are being obedient to God’s Word. In Mark 11:26 we need to look no further to grasp the truth about what is written about forgiveness for it tells us: ‘But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.’ (KJB) While your level of obedience and forgiveness is your choice; when you choose to be obedient it goes against everything the enemy hopes for. See; so long as the enemy keeps you trapped in unforgiveness you are dead man walking. Look around and you will see just how many victims there are- and some probably right next to you!
3- You are free from bondage. The days we live in are not what they once were. There is no doubt about this. Times in America have changed and if you look closely you will see the destruction of Biblical marriage, the downfall of the economy, there is hate instead of love; and people’s hearts in pain. God’s Word; however, provides instruction in Ephesians 5:15-17, ‘Be very careful, then, how you live–not as unwise but as wise,making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.’ (NIV) When you live in forgiveness you are not trapped. You are free from the bondage that the enemy wants you to live in. You my dear friend are victorious!
This is just the start of how forgiveness is an awesome spiritual weapon. There are many other ways of course but this is just the beginning. To win the war means you are actively standing your ground and taking what is rightfully yours. You are making the choice to forgive with the knowing that so long as you are forgiving you are choosing life; and what better way than to defeat the enemy than that?
People are people. And people in the church are no different. Life changes when you get this revelation; at least it did for me. It’s a sad day when the truth is revealed. So then how do you handle it when you truly see the devastation caused by those in church leadership? How do you go forward when what you thought to be really wasn’t ever anything at all? How do you decipher truth from fiction? You forgive. Is it hard? Absolutely. But for your sanity, freedom and future you must forgive.
If you have ever attended a church and or been part of a church split you know the difficulty of it. If you have ever been spiritually abused you too know how hard it is to forgive. Those in leadership probably did things that you don’t even want to talk about. They probably stole years from your life and deceived you right there while praising the Lord Almighty singing and dancing. They probably did much more damage than you are even aware of. While it may take years to overcome you must forgive. Your life is too precious to live in the bondage of other people’s deception. When you put your trust in those in leadership roles and they fail you; things change. You must change too. What must you forgive?
1) You must forgive yourself putting more faith in man than God. It’s a weird thing to me how many people talk more about how wonderful their pastor is compared to what Jesus has done for them. ‘Oh my pastor says this, says that’ and on and on- but what does Jesus say? If you are relying more on man’s word than God it’s an issue. Ask yourself if you put your pastor or leader above God in the idolizing and then repent and seek forgiveness according to Acts 3:19. The Word is clear that you shall have no other gods. That includes the god of pastor.
2) You must forgive yourself for allowing their poison to put you in bondage. The bondage that others are allowed to put you in is by your doing. They will continue to pour into your life all things terrible so long as you allow them to. It doesn’t matter what they have done; your level of forgiveness is what is required and between you and the Lord. From personal experience; it was the leaders that taught me so much and then turned on me it hurt. I never imagined that they were just so hateful. Never. The worse thing about it was that they didn’t even hide it. Nope. I’m not sure if that is good or bad but it surely was out there without a doubt. It personally changed every single thing in my life and my prayer is that regardless of what they have done you no longer accept them to have that control. Those who like and thrive on control will continue to use it as a breeding ground. And their behavior is not a reflection of God. And your unforgiveness toward yourself or them won’t be either.
3) You must forgive them for their wicked, evil and vile ways. The wolf in sheep’s clothing is moving to and fro- do you see it? If you are not paying attention you won’t. If you are not careful to forgive and do it quick; they win. Their wickedness can destroy you if you are not careful. If they choose to live like Jezebel; let them. It’s not how you want to live! And in case you don’t know- Jezebel was mauled by dogs. Best to get them out of your system and move on toward more important things; like giving God the praise and glory that you are no longer being under that leadership and authority!
In many cities church is business. I remember moving to Dallas and everyone asking me ‘what church do you go to’ as though it was a status to say this one or that. It made me miss my old church in Denver that much more. I don’t follow church; I follow Jesus. It’s that simple. You see; it isn’t about being followers of leaders of churches to the point of elevating and worshiping them. It simply isn’t. It isn’t even about church if you get to the core of it. It’s about an intimate relationship with Christ and when you get away from that; things happen. And when they do; the damage is more than most can handle. When you walk straight with Christ and your brother in leadership falls; it’s forgiveness that is easier to fill your heart. Does it mean it’s easy? No just easier because you will have the Rock to stand on. When you are with Jesus you can rest in peace knowing that He will never leave you or forsake you. What better leader to have than that?
Forgiveness is a challenge for most people and with good reason. People hurt people and more often hurt people hurt people and being forgiving of that when it’s not deserved is not easy. Forgiveness is a process. Forgiving a psychopath is even more difficult! The good news is that it is doable as God’s Word tells us so.
The question of the sociopath brings in an entirely different level of forgiveness because of how the sociopath is known to maneuver through life. When you understand the traits of the sociopath then the picture of forgiveness will be more complete in the areas of what to forgive for your own sanity. Know there too is a difference between a psychopath and sociopath and today it’s about the sociopath. Remember that forgiveness is about you and is between you and God and that is what must remain the focus.
To understand the traits of the sociopath here are a few:
1) They are Manipulative and cunning. The underline goal for the sociopath is to deceive people of course without them knowing it. The underline purpose is power and control; of course without your knowledge.
2) They lie. And lie. And lie. And then lie about what they just lied about; and most likely right to your face. What makes it worse is that they believe their own lies; except you don’t really know which lie it is that they are believing because it’s all lies.
3) They feel no shame, guilt or remorse. Most people feel something when they do something wrong. Not the sociopath. There is no such thing. This is why forgiveness is challenging with them because most people want someone to acknowledge or feel something about causing pain. But for the sociopath there is no such emotion which leaves most victims in unforgiveness. This of course is until they recognize it.
4) They are intelligent. This is what makes them so dangerous. They are highly intelligent and most know it; which makes their manipulation that much more believable because they know what they are doing. The downfall though to many of them is that their pride of their intellect gets in the way. They tend to forget that other people too are intelligent and can see through their wicked and vile ways.
5) They dominate and control to win at all costs. Power and control are the foundational goals of the sociopath. Domination through manipulation, control through lies and winning above all. This is how they get it done. To someone who doesn’t understand this; they will be trapped in the web of the person and when they recognize it; it is harder to recover from.
In the end; forgiving the sociopath is challenging because what are you forgiving them for? Being a sociopath of course but also for all the rest of it too. See; when you break down the components of the sociopath into its components forgiving someone for all it changes the dynamics. It isn’t just about being a sociopath but also being a control freak, domineering, manipulator; and all the other things that come with being a sociopath. For the sociopath; forgiveness of self for each of the components would be something to consider because until each area is forgiven there will be an open doorway which can lead to further devastation.
The best news is that when you recognize someone truly is a sociopath and you forgive them; they no longer have any control of you or your life. They have no power as you took it. That is what hurts them the most. Now is it that you are out for blood. Of course not! You are out to live your life righteously and without the drama that comes with being around a sociopath. Not only this; you don’t have to worry about hearing lies or being manipulated by someone for their own self-propaganda agenda that really only has you as a pawn and not a person. You will be free and living in forgiveness and trust me; there is no better way to live!
There may be a time in your life when people come against you. If there is stand strong. People are people and always reveal their ways. The jealousy, envy, greed or just plain hate may come against you by those who you love or work with; or even those who hate what you stand for. Your religion or beliefs may cause hate but what you stand for is what is important. When they do come against you with nothing good in store the message for you is quite simple. Forgive. You must forgive.
You see; the important thing to remember is that what is in your heart is reflected outward. So ask yourself: what it is my heart? Revenge? Payback? Hatred? Don’t let it enter. Cast down those thoughts! Take them captive. You are worth more than the negative thoughts of what others have done to you.
Those who have anger and all things negative are revealing much about what is in their heart. Perhaps someone you work with is jealous of the promotion you just received. Forgive. If someone in your church has come against you for the favor that God has given you; forgive. If your ministry is growing at a faster rate than others and they don’t like it; forgive. Whatever it is against you forgive. Those that come against you have no clue to their ways; but the God almighty does! And God knows what your ways are too. Let them be in proper alignment with Him.
The only thing that should be your concern is your level of obedience to Christ. Period. What other people do is not of your concern. What other people say about you is not your concern. What other people attempt to do to you is not your concern. It really isn’t. The only concern is your obedience and forgiveness for it is the Truth that makes you free.
The Word tells us that the days are evil and the enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy. Knowing this- it should be so surprise when people truly show who and what they are. When they do; forgive. It isn’t about them anyway. It’s about you and your relationship with Him. And on this day make all things about you about the One who created you. And then you will see more of His glory in ways unimaginable.
People and society will always have an opinion; whether a good one or not is really not relevant. It’s moreso the fact that others think that they have your life figured out when in reality they can’t even function in their own lives.
American society will always try to change you by telling you what you ‘should’ do. The media does it and people don’t get it. There once was a time when the purpose of the media was to report the news; those days are gone. According to the Agenda Setting Theory it was tell people what to think about; now it’s what to think. Now the media just makes the news instead because people are proving incapable of making decisions for themselves. Perhaps you live in Ukraine or Israel and experience the same thing. It probably happens to us all.
And so it goes you have been deceived. You probably have been told what you should wear for the next season. Oh yes if you live in Italy it’s just your custom be so well dressed; whether you feel like it or not. You have been told what car you should drive; what neighborhood you should live in. You probably have been told that by now you should at least be married, if not already divorced with three kids you never wanted in the first place. Oh and you should have at least a BA or BS but in today’s world you really should think about getting that MBA if you expect to go anywhere in your career.
Yep. I heard it all. I heard all the should’s known to man. I dated the man who actually told me, ‘You should dress like her, talk like her, and wear your hair like her. Then you would be beautiful.’ You should have seen his face when I walked out and never looked back. And don’t tell me I should have; unless it was just to see the look on his face. But I already knew.
So it begs the question: are you living the life you should be living? Or are you living the life others think you should be living? It’s a tough question I know. I once was there. I had the Bible teacher tell me that at age 37 I should have a teenager because that is where I ‘should’ have been. There is a systematic order to how life goes you see. Yeah sure. I see the misery on the faces of all the people who followed what others said they should do. It goes the way it is supposed to go for each of us and it’s only until we stop the should’s that we can be free.
If you are trapped into living what others think stop. Forgive yourself and do it quick. God has a plan specifically for you. Jerermiah 29:11 makes it very clear: ‘For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’ Your plan is for you and you alone. If you don’t know it- get with God. Going to man to ask questions only God can answer makes no sense!
You don’t want to live for others who aren’t even living it out for themselves. That doesn’t even make sense. You are where you are and while it may not be where you want to be; you are the one to change that. No one else. Forgive yourself for falling into the trap that thinking the boring house in the suburbs will answer all your questions when in actuality you are miserable but just biting your tongue waiting to escape. Forgive yourself for not being true to who you were created to be. Life is short so don’t let another day go by where you think about what you should do instead of just doing it.
We all are where we are and the best part is that no one else can get you where you should be except for you. So today; where do you want to go? Where do you want to go that you know you should have gone back then? Write it down. Habakkuk 2 is clear ‘“Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets.’ Do it! There is nothing stopping you; no more could’s or should’s. Just you. Get out of your way, forgive, and get to where you are going! You can do it. How do I know? Because I did.
For more about forgiveness watch “Living in Forgiveness” on Saturdays in Dallas channels 27 & 47.2. NY & NY new channel 49.1 Stream live atwww.uanetwork.tvand watch previous episodes here: http://uanetwork.tv/uanon-demand/living-forgiveness-julie-blair/
In the realm of unforgiveness and its symptoms most people know the basics: resentment, bitterness and or anger but did you know there are almost 40 symptoms of unforgiveness? Yes! And I’m sure there are more I just need to dig deeper in the Word to find them.
Judgment is one symptom that keeps people in bondage and not in a good way. I’m not certain there is actually a good bondage but I digress. Sure one may be able to judge the good apples from the bad at the grocery store; however, the focus in that particular judgment is finding the best apple therefore the focus isn’t on the negative component of judgment in the manner in which it is a symptom for discussion. We know in John 7:24 it tells us, ‘Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.’ Judging the good apple isn’t just about the color.
So how does incorrect judgment operate in the life of an unforgiver? In 3 ways:
1. It keeps you biased. When someone is unforgiving there is a reason. Getting to the real reason is another blog altogether but for this one unforgiveness keeps the unforgiver only able to see people and situations from their own vantage point. The judgment comes in to play for the fact that those involved are not able to be judged fairly because of what is internally occurring in the heart of the unforgiver. Case in point: before I forgave my biological mother for abandoning me I hated her. (just being honest) I judged her for what she did to me because I was the victim; the child. I was not able or ready to hear or receive the truth of the situation because I was in judgment mode. She was a fat liar in my eyes. Once I forgave her my heart opened to hear the truth. What was the truth? That she was given an ultimatum to sell me to the case worker for 10k or he would change our appointment times so that we would not ever see each other. He during the early 70’s was buying and selling babies on the Canadian black market. Learning that changed everything! My judgment linked to unforgiveness kept me not knowing that and living in it. When you judge you show where you are and most of the time you really don’t even know what you are judging or how because of the bias that unforgiveness brings to your life. Oh and let’s not forget that the Word tells us to honor thy mother and father and I wasn’t doing that. One more strike against me! And now she co-hosts “Living in Forgiveness” the first Saturday of every month. Praise God!
2. It stunts your growth. If you claim to be a believer or follower of Christ and you allow unforgiveness to reign; you stunt your growth. You are blocking God from blessing you, you are not a blessing, you cannot be forgiven according to God’s Word in Matthew 6:14: ‘For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.’ If you are unforgiving then what does your future look like? For me; it looked as bleak as my past! Perhaps you are simply reliving your past daily instead of living your future presently. If yes; it’s time to truly dig in and deal with unforgiveness and all of its symptoms. Not only this; if you just simply believe ‘I forgave’ because you said it 20 years ago but are still judgmental toward others with a critical spirit; then there is another clue. That’s your free fruit cup with lunch today! If you want to be used to to the full by God the best way to is removing internal clutter.
3. It serves as a distraction. Judgment and unforgiveness are both distractions. Period. When people allow judgment in their hearts where is their focus? On everyone and everything else right? I recently shared about the judgment againt the pastor for asking for financial assistance in the purchase of a new jet to replace the one he already has and the amount of judgment upon that man is incredible! It’s incredible how many people have time to judge what others are or are not doing according to what they think personally yet have not enough time to read the Bible daily. How does that even work?
Judgment keeps people off track and off focus. It keeps people moving in the wrong direction and not the God direction. How can you be moving in the God direction if you are spending your time judging what others are doing? Ask yourself this: are you more concerned with what your siblings are doing than where you are going? Are you more concerned about who your ex-spouse is dating than where you are going? Are you more concerned with what this ministry is asking for then what your time is with the Lord? Don’t let judgment be what your focus is or becomes.
As forgiveness becomes your lifestyle your heart will change. As your heart changes you will see people different. I see my mother much different than I did when we met. I hated her and now my love for her is as that of Jesus loving me. She is a work in progress as we all are and the wonderful news is that I am free. Forgiveness removed the judgment of negativity that was breeding to be able to live in love of others to see the beauty that truly does exist. It just took me a few decades to get there. Don’t follow that example but take to heart that it’s best to sow forgiveness and love and know that through it you are not only being obedient but demonstrating a living example of Christ. And if you claim to be a believer; isn’t that what you should live by?
For more about forgiveness watch “Living in Forgiveness” on Saturdays in Dallas channels 27 & 47.2. NY & NY new channel 49.1 Stream live at www.uanetwork.tvand watch previous episodes here: http://uanetwork.tv/uanon-demand/living-forgiveness-julie-blair/
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Forgiveness is a process. It is a journey and no two journeys, people or situations are alike. As such the process of forgiveness is as unique as the person in the situation forgiving and being forgiven. Where most people fall off track is the recognition that forgiveness is a process. It takes time and persistence; not just lip service. Anyone can say they forgive yet still exhibit the more than 30 symptoms that are evident in unforgiveness. Forgiveness goes deep and when you are willing to go deeper than you ever have before; you will gain and live that victorious life you were created to live.
To understand the depth of forgiveness requires recognition of forgiveness and the need for it in the first place. Forgiveness is an act; something that one does. It is not passive. It is not something that just happens because you thought about it once back in Vietnam. It is active and depending upon the act needing forgiveness; it can take longer than one realizes.
In my life I thought I forgave. I told myself I did; for more than 3 decades. It wasn’t until those with the gift of discernment that spoke truth to me and I realized the truth. I deceived myself. I had not forgiven. In fact I didn’t even know what forgiveness was! It was time for me to get real and deal with myself; my unforgiveness. It was a process and more on that but rest assured it was a process. It will be for you too but moving through the process is part of the victory. Starting somewhere to accept that it is something you need to do is the first step.
Accept that forgiveness is a process. It is your journey to internal peace and freedom. It begins with you making the choice to not allow what someone has done to you to rule your life. It is perhaps crying about the pain and allowing the release to come. It is maybe even getting mad or even angry about what happened. It is what it is but rest assured forgiveness is a process. Let it be yours today.
Christmas is soon approaching. It tends to do that every year; it’s a creeper some will say. Family forgiveness during the holidays is challenging for most people. It’s not really the most wonderful time of the year. Just ask someone on the subway and see what reply you get. And so it goes how does one make the holidays brighter? Forgive. Simply forgive.
You see; your family is your family. If you are expecting them to change it’s as ridiculous as thinking that the Dallas Cowboys will win the Superbowl this year. Will it happen? Perhaps. Miracles do happen right? But in all seriousness; your family is your family and it’s your choice to love them where they are and decide if you are going to forgive; or live unforgiving.
It can be hard to accept your family where they are. I get it. I hated my biological mother before I met her; and even moreso ‘after’ I met her. Her choices damaged me and I lived like it. Once I understood forgiveness and how to love people where they are my life changed. I started to see that people in my love me right where I am so who am I to not do the same. Jesus loves me right where I am; in spite of all my downfalls. And so it goes with family we all have a choice. What’s it going to be?
I challenge you on this day to get out of your own self and look at what you have. Sure you may think your family is dysfunctional and guess what? It is! But so what? It is your family of dysfunction. It is ‘your’ family. Every family has a level of dysfunction some just hide it better than others is all. The great news is that you have a family. Don’t take that for granted. Ever.
Your family needs you. You need them. You all have something to contribute to the betterment of one another for a much larger purpose. See this. Know this. Accept this. Receive this. Live this. Live larger in forgiveness. Live larger with your family. Live larger this holiday season. Live and forgive.
Religion makes people funny. Just think about that. How many conversations get heated over the topic of religion? How many lives are lost because of religion? How many countries in war are lost because of religion? We can see it no more clear today than in previous generations and yet here we are. Forgiveness one day shall reign where brothers and sisters may be able to disagree and still walk together; maybe? Perhaps in a utopia world where Sharia law exists right? And so it goes people want what they want yet still live lives of unforgiveness and wonder why nothing changes. Unforgiveness is an issue of the heart. Period. With a hardened heart no good fruit grows.
In North Carolina, USA students homework assignment answers share that Islam is the fastest growing religion in the world and that Muslims are more faithful than Christians. Do you believe that? You can read about that here: http://dailysignal.com/2014/11/13/mom-questions-school-portraying-muslims-faithful-christians/) And Islam is a religion of peace and Christianity is not; or should it be switched around? It depends on who you ask and then of course will you ever get the right answer because everyone has their own perception of what is right or wrong and therefore; one never really knows anything right?
Around the world there is devastation. The Jewish people suffer persecution. Those in Ukraine are suffering because of a religious war. People in India are suffering. Americans, Canadians, French; are suffering. Christians everywhere are suffering. Muslims are suffering; else why would they do what they do? But then again; why do wicked people anywhere do what they do? People’s hearts and souls are burning daily and yet; they acknowledge it not.
Until people recognize that religion doesn’t save nothing will change. No organization can save a person. It just can’t. The government of China won’t save people. The government of Russia won’t save people. The American government as an entity won’t save people. It is up to each individual person to look in the mirror and reflect inward. Until people see that it isn’t about any religion but rather a relationship with a Creator nothing will change. Until the heart of each person is softened nothing will change. Until forgiveness enters the lives of every person to see the true value and meaning and purpose of life; not one single thing will change. Until the minds of people are renewed; nothing will change. It can’t.
The good news is that you, dear reader, can be that change. It starts with you. It starts with me. What can you do today to begin the change in the world? Your silent acceptance is continuing the pattern. What voice do you have that you can use to change your life, your family, and your nation? What do you have in your heart that begin the change that is desperately needed? Is there forgiveness in there? If you have a heart I believe that there is; it’s just hidden. Uncover yourself, rid yourself of religion, get into a relationship with He who came to set the captives free and you will see the miracles, signs and wonders that will follow.
When talking about forgiveness most people simply think ‘just forgive’; just do it. But is it really that simple? Sure it’s simple to just say some words. People do it all the time. What isn’t so easy is getting the heart and mind in alignment; and then add in the spirit and soul and you can see the complication. The prerequisite for forgiveness then must take another route if the fullness of it is the end goal. So what it is?
What is this prerequisite for forgiveness? Is it conflict resolution? Some say ‘yes’. Is it just letting go? Others say ‘sure’. Some say it’s a choice and while that too is correct it’s incomplete. It starts before the choice is made. What does that even mean you ask?
You see; before you make a choice you have to make a choice to make the choice. Even being indecisive about something is still a choice. Forgiveness requires a choice. Where does that choice start? In the mind! You have to make the decision first that you are going to forgive. This is why just saying a few words means nothing as people daily talk about things they don’t even pay any attention to. If the truly did then would it be even something they would talk about? Probably not.
So in this case; if you want to get to a place of peace through forgiveness you first have to make the choice to get your mind in place to forgive. It took me many years to get there. I was filled with lip service like most. I didn’t know much about forgiveness, what it truly meant, the symptoms or the healing power of it. I know how to just say it-which again didn’t prove much because all the symptoms were still there.
If you want freedom through forgiveness get your mind in order. Don’t live by deceit and default; allowing your mind to play you because trust me; it will. Make today the day that you wrap your mind around the choice to forgive. Then let your heart, spirit and soul feel the outcome of it. Let your life journey never be the same. Let the essence of who you truly are shine. It’s only until then that you will experience life to the full.