Forgiveness is the one thing that changes more than the person who forgives. It changes the people are them too. While forgiveness is for us as individuals, on a collective scale it has more impact that we could possible think. Of course forgiveness changes you but forgiveness of mothers changes them, it changes families, communities, regions, states and nations. Change a nation and you can change the world. And it starts with changing you.
When I had to forgive my mom it wasn’t easy. I hated her. I wanted to be nothing like her and I certainly didn’t want to look like her. I loathed her. She abandoned me and left me for not-so I thought. I was angry that of all the mothers in the world; God chose her as my mother. Seriously? Yeah God sure has a sense of humor and one I certainly didn’t like! Just saying.
Once I forgave her though I started to see things different. While it was a rather lengthy process; I had to stay the course. I had to and so do you. You see my mom is sly; don’t let the walker and nursing home fool you. She lived on the streets for quite some time and she knew how handle things. She knew how to play people. She has street smarts all the while lacking in other areas just like the rest of us. She was doing what she knew; which is what most moms do. They do what they know. And I had to continue to forgive her for all those things that she did because 1) the Bible commands it, 2) the Bible commands it. We are commanded to forgive and to honor our mother and father. Yeah; I looked for clauses and exceptions on that one. Trust me. I didn’t like that whenever she lied to me I had to forgive. When she manipulated me for something I had to forgive. When she committed to move to Dallas from Houston and then changed her mind the day before leaving me with the entire bill I had to forgive. I was the victim all over again; and yet I was required to forgive. Figure that one out. But here’s the thing: things changed.
I started to change. I could have been bitter and resentful; that would have been easy. But that is the lie of the enemy! As I I started to see how my forgiveness was not only softening me I saw it softening her her too. She started to ask questions. She started to care. She asked things like, ‘why are you so nice to me’ which I must say I cried about. (she doesn’t know that though) She stopped being so contrary and screaming at the top of her lungs at me. She actually got out of bed to go the mess hall for breakfast. Then lunch. Finally; dinner. And now; she delivers the mail at the nursing home. She plays bingo. She goes to lunch with the women she used to judge and hate. She attends Bible study. She has a life and for the very first time. Praise God! And when I say praise God I mean that because it’s His Word that rings true every time! We just have to get in alignment with it.
Now I get that your mother is nothing like my mom; praise God! All mothers are different yet still the same. They each have their own journeys, faults, ways of giving and loving, hurts and regrets; and futures to look forward to. It’s when we recognize this then we can get ourselves in position to forgive. We can then be in position to love. And isn’t that just what Jesus has done for us? He met us right where we were and right where we are so that He can do a new thing in our lives? And so when we meet mothers right where they are we can do a new thing in their lives. And let me tell you from personal experience; it’s beautiful. And so is she. My best guess is that your mom is too; you just have to uncover you to let her shine.
Mothers do so much for people yet it isn’t until we stop and reflect on it that we see it. Most stay at home mothers will agree! Some studies find that if calculated the average income for a stay at home mother would be over 100k; that’s if she were paid. But yet she is not. In today’s society there must be forgiveness for stay at home mothers.
Stay at home moms sacrifice so much of themselves yet it goes unnoticed by most in society. When women are asked ‘what do you do’ and the reply is ‘I stay home with my children’ one can feel the judgment; even though some are probably secretly wishing that they could! It’s later when stay at home moms later realize just how out of touch they are when it comes to finding a job in today’s world after the children are grown. The ability to even have adult conversations can be overwhelming for some! This is why forgiveness is so vital.
So what do stay at home moms need and deserve forgiveness of?
1. Forgiveness for believing the lie they have nothing to offer.
2. Forgiveness for feeling guilty later in life for not reaching their dreams or goals.
3. Forgiveness for allowing others to treat them as less than a woman.
4. Forgiveness for not having all the right business tools and skills.
5. Forgiveness if they are not yet able to see the benefit of their sacrifice in their children.
6. Forgiveness of any guilt they have accepted to think that they were selfish, lazy, or entitled.
7. Forgiveness of any resentment they have had toward other mothers who are further along in their careers.
8. Forgiveness of the choice that perhaps they actually regret.
Stay at home moms are different than their counterparts of the working mom yet the are more alike if you pay close attention. Both moms need and deserve forgiveness for their sacrifice; because both are making sacrifices it’s just a matter of being able to live with the outcomes of them.
Stay at home moms contribute much to society; it just happens to be in the raising up of future generations and not themselves in their current generation. This can’t be ignored. If you have ignored that forgive yourself. And if you are a stay at home mom celebrate it. You have every reason to. If you haven’t yet forgiven yourself for where you are- do it now. And then relax because this too shall pass- and you don’t want to miss it.
Women are changing the world; whether we like it or not or even think it’s good women are changing the world. Carly Fiori just announced she will run for president for the GOP. Hilary Clinton is giving it a go. And more women are rising up to live their lives in a different way than many may agree with. There must be forgiveness for the working mom (the stay at home mom too but that’s for tomorrow). When we forget or just simply ignore what working mothers do, experience and accomplish we miss it. And let’s not forget that the Proverbs 31 woman worked. Yes folks; she was productive and fruitful in society!
So you may ask: why do working mothers need forgiveness? What do they need forgiveness for? Well besides the obvious that we all need it it’s more than that. If you were to ask any working mother if she has regrets, feels guilty, sometimes feels ashamed, condemns herself, feels like she is lacking, selfish, disorganized; or even falling apart then you would know. And who is anyone to judge? Yet many do without knowing one single thing about the working mom they place judgment on. Forgive. Give them freedom to chase their dreams with their children right next to them? What better example could that be? Of course I have to add the husband there too because I love men and leaving men out just would be sac religious. I’m not a feminist.
If you are a working mother forgive others for the bondage they either have or have attempted to place on you. Forgive them for they know not what they do. They aren’t in your shoes! No one knows your real circumstance and heart except for you and the Lord. And if you have unforgiveness toward yourself for working; forgive yourself. Do it now! You do not want another day to go by where you are living in the bondage of your choices. That is not God’s best.
When you forgive your life will change. Forgive yourself for not being there for your children when you want to. Forgive yourself for being too tired to have sex with your husband because you worked and took care of the children. Forgive yourself for not thinking you are doing enough. Forgive yourself for comparing yourself to your neighbors who are stay at home mothers. Just forgive it all! You are worth it. Your level of forgiveness will change your interaction with your children, husband and everyone around. Own the fact that you are a working woman and that if you are fine with it; that’s all you need to be. No apology necessary. It is your life after all.
It’s time as a society that the judgment and unforgiveness be removed toward the working mother. She is brilliant, dynamic, a sacrificer and sometimes the breadwinner. It’s time for both men and women come together in support of one another. It’s actually beyond time! We need to remain focused on what God would have for each of us and in the big scheme of things; it’s walking in love. And of course forgiveness.
Forgiving your mother is life changing. It transforms not only your life; but hers too. How do I know? I had to forgive my biological mother. I had to forgive her big time. And now I see the life change in both of us.
What happened to me probably doesn’t happen to most. My biological mother told me she was going to get pizza; but never came back. I was three. I was placed into a foster home and then adopted into an abusive home and they put me in a homeless shelter- all by age 15. I had to forgive. Big time. You see I hated my mom. I hated everything about her. Because of her selfishness my life was wrecked. Perhaps that is where you are today.
I’m quite confident that your mom is not perfect. She may not have loved you in the way that you actually needed or wanted to be loved. She probably didn’t allow you to do all that you wanted to do. And even maybe she loved your brothers or sisters more. I know what that is like. I’ve had more sets of parents than people have had wedding dresses! So not only did I have 1 mother to forgive; but I had several. And yes it was hard without a doubt because each of them did different things wrong and it was me the victim who had to forgive. Doesn’t sound fair does it?
I met my mom for the first time in 2003. She opened the door looked me up and down and then walked away! And I had to forgive. I learned after I spoke with her that while I was being abused as a child in my adoptive home that she lived about 15 minutes from me and was competing in dance competitions every Saturday. And I had to forgive. And I absolutely hated her. And I hated my adoptive mother even more. Much more. I hated every ounce of her 6’0″ being with a passion. And I had to forgive. So how did I do it? How do you do it? It’s the hardest process with simple steps which I’m sure doesn’t make any sense but will change your life.
1- Make the choice. Every single thing you do is because of a choice you make. The choices you have today are because of the choices you made yesterday. Forgive. Don’t forgive. Life in freedom. Live in bondage. All your choice. What do ‘you’ want? Every choice you make changes your life. Every choice. When I made the choice to forgive in reality I was making the choice to be obedient to the Word of God. I thought I was; yet I was living in unforgiveness. Once the choice was made there was no going back. None. The more mothers I forgave the more power came into my life; the more I felt the presence of God.
After I made the choice and sat in my room crying for 2 days straight over NYE I felt different. I looked different. My eye color changed! Nothing in my life was the same. Not one single thing.
After that I sent letters to my adoptive and biological mothers telling them that I forgave them.My adoptive mother replied; which was the first correspondence in about 10 years or longer. She explained that she didn’t know her actions caused me such pain. Now; one could ask how could she not! But for me- who cares. I forgave her. I was free. What she does and says is not my business.
With my biological mother; she called me. We spoke. I made the drive from Dallas to Houston to see her in person; the first time in 4 years. On that day she gave her life to Jesus. Both of us were changed on that day. And both forever.
In the end what I learned is that I had a mother who wanted to love me but couldn’t and one that could and wouldn’t. I had to forgive them both and the others too so that I could go on with my life. I learned that every mother has her own set of circumstances that she is dealing with and that mothers do what they know. If all they know is from what their mothers knew or know; then there you have it. We all do what we know and until we know what we know; we can’t truly expect others to do something that they can’t because they don’t know. This is why Jesus dying on the cross said, ‘Forgive them Father for they know not what they do’ in Luke 23:34. Your mother knows what she knows and what I am going to count on for sure is that in her own way she loves you. And that is what matters. And that is where through you forgiving her your life will change. And aren’t you ready for that?
For more about forgiveness and to hear testimonies and stories watch ‘Living in Forgiveness’ on Tuesdays at 9:20pm on the UANetwork. Check your local listing. Or watch On-Demand: http://uanetwork.tv/uanon-demand/living-forgiveness-julie-blair/
Abortion is something in society that isn’t talked about in full. It’s something that is done in part for the preservation of a woman’s future; but talking about what women experience after the fact are things not truly explored.
Abortion has impact. It has impact on society, the men involved if they are aware, future generations and of course the woman who has the abortion. What is crazy is that 37% of women obtaining abortions identify themselves as Protestant, and 28% identify themselves as Catholic (AGI)! In 2011, women who had not aborted in the past accounted for 53.7% of all abortions; women with one or two prior abortions accounted for 37.1%, and women with three or more prior abortions accounted for 9.3% (CDC). And so we see abortion effects many. It has impacts that are longer lasting than what people recognize so it begs the question: is there forgiveness for abortion?
I listened to an interview with singer songwriter Toni Braxton and what captured me wasn’t so much about the fame or her career; but rather the abortion she regretted.
Toni spoke about her family and the tough financial trials and the bankruptcy she went through. It was during that time that she got pregnant and couldn’t see herself raising a child when she was in the midst of financial fall. She talked about how much she regretted having an abortion and how selfish she now sees her choice. Her selfishness is what caused her to swipe the existence and future from that baby’s life.
What captured me was 1) she knew it was selfish, 2) her regret. Those two things speak volumes without a doubt. She continued that she later become pregnant and her child was born with autism. She believed the autism was punishment from God and that yes; she deserved it. Now this is where forgiveness comes in to play. When there is forgiveness the slate is wiped clean! Let’s say that your children apologize for making a mistake or being selfish; do you forgive them and the punish them? Of course not!
As I listened to Toni I heard her clearly. She is not unlike many women who have made the choice to abort but here is the thing: there is forgiveness. There is freedom for and from abortion. Jesus died on the cross so that we could be forgiven of our sins. And forgiveness knows no bounds. If you are like Toni; there is forgiveness for you. When there is forgiveness there is no need to live in self-condemnation. There is no need to continue to dwell on the past! The past is time gone by! When we cling to it we live in it and there is no freedom in shame of the past.
There is forgiveness for your selfish ways. All you have to do is ask. Acts 3:19 is clear for us all to follow: Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord,’. The times of refreshing are there. They are waiting just for you. Do not be deceived into thinking that your choice to have an abortion isn’t forgivable. That my dear friend; is a lie. God’s Word says so.
I encourage you today to seek forgiveness because it will change your life. It will set you free. It will remove the chains of bondage. Let it all go! Let go of the shame, guilt, condemnation, self-loathing, regret; and all of rest of the cousins attached. There is no need to continue like Toni and live in shame as she said for the sins that she committed that she repented of. God is a loving God and not one who simply hates and isn’t forgiving. It would be a lie to think that. It’s a trap! Yes we all make mistakes there is no doubt although this sin is just as forgivable as all of the rest of them.
There is a future for your life regardless of whether or not you believe it just yet. There is hope too. You don’t have to live without it. You don’t have to continue to suffer in silence. You are valued. You are loved. You are forgiven. It’s just up to you to get it.
For more about forgiveness watch “Living in Forgiveness” on Saturdays in Dallas channels 27 & 47.2. NY & NY new channel 49.1 Stream live atwww.uanetwork.tvand watch previous episodes here: http://uanetwork.tv/uanon-demand/living-forgiveness-julie-blair/
**Starting May 5th Living in Forgiveness will air Tuesdays at 9:30pm**
America has a heart condition. It’s bigger than you may think. One only needs to look around and see it. There is no reason that in the land of the free such hatred, bitterness and resentment is bred quicker and on larger scales than love and peacefulness. You know it’s not the best day when you realize that American soldiers are safer in war in other countries than in some neighborhoods in their own country. There is an issue and until we deal with the root it; nothing will change. We have got to get it- and now!
The problem isn’t about this state funded program or that; that is just a bandaid. The government doesn’t need to create more money out of thin air to give away for nothing; it’s proven that does not work. We need to get to the core root of the issue and that is unforgiveness. Simple as that.
Until the hearts of the people are changed; nothing will change. Until those with agendas stop their nonsense of demanding tolerance in the name of intolerance nothing will change. Until there is forgiveness of the past; and all of the past nothing will change. Until the hatred is removed out of the hearts of people are filled with love- nothing will change. And until we recognize that burning our country is stupid then we are not going to get very far. So the question is: what can you do today to change the tone? Perhaps walking in love and forgiveness would be a good start; after you are able to do it of course!
The mistakes that people make can and do destroy communities. We see this in the good and the bad. There is no way around it and for some; the devastation is never overcome for some. The pain of lives torn apart, the hearts left grieving; and the unforgiveness that settles in all reaps what it sows. It is something that only those who have experienced it can truly understand. It paints a picture of pure destruction in the most concrete of ways. It begs the question: what does a community do to overcome the mistakes others make to forgive? It’s simple although not easy. Forgive. When the heart is cleansed lives will change. We have to get what it is about:
1. Forgiveness is about individual healing. Forgiving others has nothing to do with what the other person did. This is the biggest problem in our society. The focus on what others have done and so what? Look in the mirror! What have ‘you’ done? Fix that! Your focus will reveal exactly where you are; and the results of it. We can look at Adam and Eve and see it- they focused on what they weren’t supposed to and they fell. America is focusing on everything else but what it was founded on and guess what? It’s falling! We as individuals need to get our focus changed to seeing what we are doing is not right. It just doesn’t. What you do to make change is what will breed in others. You have all the power! You really do. Power to change the message you are sending. So what are you going to do about it? Spread this blog post or send yet one more picture of someone looting? It’s your choice. What do you want to be responsible for? Sharing life or death? Again; your choice.
2. Forgiveness restores communities. When you make the choice to forgive life changes. Now yes we have to stop shooting and looting long enough to get to a place of this; however, if you are not in a war zone in your community you can start the change now. Be part of restoration right where you live. When a community of individuals come together in forgiveness hearts are healed and what occurred in the past while remembered; isn’t filled with the focus of what occurred and the pain that was associated with it. What it is filled with is hope. Hope for a future. Hope for what should be. Hope for what is to come. Know that it does take time; however, the steps toward restoration begins with forgiveness. We can all focus on the negative; but each person has a story. What is yours? How can your story be part of the healing process?
3. Forgiveness paves the way to the future. In order for anyone to progress forward toward a fruitful life forgiveness is the roadway toward it. It removes the stumbling blocks and all things hindering what is to come. There is never a reason to allow people and their mistakes to be a roadblock to your future; or the future of the community you are part of. Acts 3:19-20 gives us all an excellent starting point: ‘Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord, and that he may send the Messiah, who has been appointed for you—even Jesus.’ What your level of unforgiveness is plays a part. Don’t be so deceived that you are immune. The Bible is clear about that! Make sure that your path is clear and paving the right way to the right future for the right reasons.
We come together for a variety of reasons in life. It may be church, dancing, football; or even in neighborhoods to clean up the destruction of our neighborhoods. People that come together are not perfect and while the mistakes they may make be illegal, harmful to children; and even harmful to themselves what they do should not be allowed to control what others do as a result. None of us are any different. We make mistakes, we hurt people; and we all have at some point needed forgiveness and have been asked to forgive. Yes we may prove that our sins are in silent while some are stupid enough to boast them on camera; but nonetheless we all must see that we can be part of the solution. I encourage you to take the challenge and forgive. Then move on to the future that is what you were on your way to in the first place.
If you pay close attention to society and the people in it; you will see much. The level of narcissism is increasing and at a faster rate than people recognize; which would make sense as it seems the spirit of deep sleep has covered people and countries. Regardless of this; forgiveness is still required whether you are the narcissist or you choose to surround yourself with one.
Narcissism in its truest form really is self-deception. It shares such traits as:
- A gradiose sense of self-importance with no regard for others
- The false believe that he/she is more special and entitled just because he/she exists
- Exploits others for self-gain at all cost while lacking empathy and thought of others
- Requires excessive admiration, adoration and accolades
While there are numerous others, NPD has become quite a topic with various books on the topic. Bottom line is in today’s society one just needs to see someone’s instagram or facebook account and get an idea to the level of it one has. It is easy to detect narcissism in a simple 5 minute or less conversation. It shouldn’t be a shock that there are so many deceived for it is written in the Word, Ephesians 5:15-17, ‘Be very careful, then, how you live–not as unwise but as wise,making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.’ It is very clear when the focus is on self that there is no room for God. We all have a choice which ego we allow: ‘Edging God Out’ or ‘Edifying God Only’.
So it’s clear we are in the days and times that we are in and if you are finding yourself challenged by the narcissists in your life what do you do? How do you interact? Well; it’s quite simple. Forgive. Yes. Simply forgive. And then I add pray for them that their eyes, hearts and ears be open to the level of deception they are covered with and that they repent according to Acts 3:19. (Of course pray in the name of Jesus- the name ABOVE ALL names)
You see; someone being a narcissist is his or her own problem just as much as your level of forgiveness is yours. The Word is also clear in Galatians 5:2-262 ‘But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying one another.’
Now taking this into consideration it is not truly possible for one to be a narcissist and loving at the same time. There is no room for anyone else; let alone God, Jesus or the Holy Spirit. Once we crucify our flesh to being the center of our own world and everyone else’s we will live different lives. It is also not possible to living in the fruit of the Spirit and unforgiving at the same time. The two cannot coexist.
Bottom line is that those who are narcissists prove what and who they are just as much as the forgiver of it. If you see and you choose to interact with it; then deal with that and move on. If you are focusing on someone being what they are; then you are by your choice not focusing on God and His master plan for your life. Philippians 4:8 outlines it quite clear: ‘Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.’ By default; you focusing on the narcissist simply feeds it. And why not feed yourself what you are worthy of instead?
If you must interact with the narcissist then get yourself in order to reach the victory. There is hope for the narcissist just as much as there is the unforgiver. Focusing on anything other than victory is a waste of time! Those narcissists by the Word of God are in direct rebellion to God’s commands and will receive what they receive from Him; which is not anyone’s concern at all. On the flip side; those obedient to God’s commands will receive and reap the blessings. It’s quite clear. Keep the focus where it should be for His glory.
Because God isn’t to be used like a magic stick to make the narcissists go away you have to be on track with your own strategy with Him so that you don’t get into sin by complaining and being unforgiving. Remember to pray for your brothers and sisters. And also remember the words of Nehemiah: “Don’t be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great an awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes.” (4:14)
Then going to the next level in your prayers remember this: ‘Greater love that has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command.’ (John 15:13-14)
It isn’t about what other people are, what disorder they have; or what you want to talk about what you think they have. It simply isn’t. It is about you living in forgiveness, remembering that you too are a sinner; and that there is hope for us all. When you stay on your own path and in the right focus the Lord will make even your enemies be at peace with you. Therefore; stay in your lane and life will be simple. Forgive and live.
If you want radical change in your life forgive. Sure sure you may think although it’s true. Growing up I heard much about forgive but never knew what it was. When I became a Christian I heard more but never heard how. What good does it do to be told to do something that you don’t know how to do or even understand why or the benefits? At least that was how my mind worked at the time.
What I understand now is not only what forgive is, but how to forgive, the why and the after effects. It’s become my lifestyle and in some ways my life. I am absolutely changed by the message of forgiveness and you can be to. So how does it change you?
Forgiveness changes your heart. Unforgiveness and forgiveness alike are conditions of the heart; whether good or bad it’s up to you. The more I forgave the less my heart hurt. Sure people would do things that hurt but the pain and internal bondage wasn’t able to have the impact upon me that it once did. My heart was healed of all the pain from my past and I became able to live free and love others in freedom too. My heart wasn’t fearful of the ‘what if’s’ that used to bind me.
Forgiveness changes your relationships. I never knew the impact that my unforgiveness had on my life. I didn’t know that in the Bible bitterness was spiritual poison; even though I read the Bible. I never saw it. I couldn’t see that so long I was living in unforgiveness that it impacted my relationships to the point where I wasn’t able to give freely. Now this would make sense as you can’t give what you don’t have so think about what you are giving. Is it what you truly want to give to others? If not change it. My relationships were able to grow to a certain point; but no further. All of the symptoms related to unforgiveness kept me living in self-preservation mode to where my relationships were inhibited. I encourage you today to forgive as your relationships will forever be changed. My relationship with my biological mother changed after I forgave her. I no longer hated her; but rather saw her more in line with the way that Christ does.
Forgiveness changes the direction of your life. When you live in unforgiveness your life decisions will be based upon that. Every decision that yo make when being unforgiving is entirely different than when you are forgiving. How people are able to treat you, how you treat them; and the level of interaction with them changes. What you think and how you think changes. How you read and receive God’s Word changes. Your purpose and assignment for your life will become more clear. How else would I be able to share the great message of forgiveness had I not truly experienced it to the level that I have? It would not be possible for me to do and on national television! God created you for something specific and it may very well be that your mess will become your message that will be your message; and once you live life in forgiveness it will become so clear that even a fence post would get it. Your life will never be the same. Get ready I say to you today!
Forgiveness was the biggest game changer in my life. I have shared in the past my eye color and voice changed which is true; but it’s so much more than that. It is every single aspect and component of every single part of my life changed. It opened my eyes to seeing people more in line with God’s Word. It opened my heart to becoming more accepting. It opened my eyes to seeing more than I ever could before. Nothing in my life is as it was nor will be as it is in this very moment and the very same would be for you too. How do I know? Because I know God’s Word, His message, and that it never returns void. I know that your heart will be forever changed and as it is; so will you. And my dear friend; you are worthy of that.
It’s hard to know what goes through the mind of someone who committed suicide as each person and situation is different; along with the outcome. It changes the lives of the living in ways that one can’t truly explain. It just happens and for most; unexpected. Should there be forgiveness? And to whom? Forgiveness in suicide is something that proves challenging to overcome for the living. Through forgiveness; however, life will get better. While no longer the same; it does continue.
In the situation of Robin Williams; forgiveness is no different. No one truly knows what he was experiencing, how he felt; where he was or why he did what he did. There is only mere speculation. Nothing more. For those who too have been there forgiveness is needed in order to heal. What aspects of forgiveness are needed you ask?
Forgive the person for taking his or her life. What the person did, for whatever reason, still proves selfish on many levels. You are left with nothing. No answers, no understanding; and in some cases no warning, financial security, no mother or father for the children. Nope. You are left with nothing. Unforgiveness toward that person left not dealt with will breed future consequences. Of course it will take time to recover, heal, and begin the process of living again although it is doable.
Forgive yourself for not intervening. Of course there are the ‘if only’s’ that come to mind coupled with the ‘what if’s’ and in reality; there is nothing that you could have done because most likely if you could have – you would have. Those who have suffered great loss at the hands of suicide know this. You know that if there was something you could have done that you would have; all because you love that person. You know that you would have without a doubt put your life on hold for the benefit of that loved one. And after that fact doesn’t change anything. Not forgiving yourself for what you could have done that you didn’t do that you didn’t know needed done won’t bring someone back. It never will. Understanding and recognizing that regardless of what other people do; forgiving yourself is something you can’t not do. Harboring unforgiveness toward yourself will not free you. It will create more bondage and will keep you living in what someone else did that in reality; has nothing to do with you. Forgive and heal.
Suicide is tragic. There are no words to describe the level of emotions that one experiences as a result. There is no way to predict what people will do; or won’t do at any given time. The only thing that you can do is make the choice that regardless of what other people do; you will forgive. It is the best way to live and the biggest gift of life that you can give not only to others but to yourself.
With the rise of bullying in schools and children’s lives; one may think the media may have more sense than to get involved in the fat shaming and bullying but apparently none are immune. When will forgiveness reign? When will we as a society stop focusing on what other people do and do not look like according to our own personal standards? When will the media start being a part of the solution instead of the problem?
The body image issues facing women are some that do not go away. If women are too skinny they are shamed. If they gain weight they are shamed. The double standard of what women are able to look like is becoming more bi-polar and at record pace. I remember being bullied as a kid because of my weight; being too little than what most thought it should be. And now the most recent act of fat shaming is against Kelly Clarkson who recently gave birth. Comments made about her were to the effect she should eat less pizza. It would be fun to just see any man carry a baby to term and then give birth- and then try to get that figure back! And then we wonder why young girls are starving themselves and committing suicide because of weight issues. Or perhaps we just don’t talk about that any more because it might be too offensive right?
Until we all stop focusing on what others look like and are or are not doing to focus on our own selves; we will continue to have problems. With the advancements of technology making it so easy to be mean doesn’t mean that we have to take advantage of. What it means is that we can all take into consideration that we are accountable for our actions, behaviors, and thoughts. Matthew 12:36 makes it clear: ‘But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken.’
The words you speak come from somewhere; most likely your heart and mind. What you allow to enter is what you breed. You can look around and if you pay close attention; you will see. It is that evident. When you see the worst in others and judge and comment on it it reveals more about you than it does the other people.
Ask yourself what you are breeding and make the necessary changes. If you haven’t been what you should be; forgive yourself and move on. There is still time to be a blessing to those who may be struggling with their appearance. There is still time for you to recognize that you probably have areas of improvement in your life as we all do. And if you are in a public position; remember that you are held to a higher standard whether you like it or not. You have the power to the part of the change in others that will change their lives. Why not focus on something more important than how much someone else weighs? Why not focus on the life that God has for you and get in line in that direction to be used for a much better purpose than putting others down. When we all live in that direction and remember that forgiveness changes lives; our hearts and lives will change as will the foundation for future generations. And isn’t that a much better use of time?