Forgiving the Stay at Home Mom
Mothers do so much for people yet it isn’t until we stop and reflect on it that we see it. Most stay at home mothers will agree! Some studies find that if calculated the average income for a stay at home mother would be over 100k; that’s if she were paid. But yet she is not. In today’s society there must be forgiveness for stay at home mothers.
Stay at home moms sacrifice so much of themselves yet it goes unnoticed by most in society. When women are asked ‘what do you do’ and the reply is ‘I stay home with my children’ one can feel the judgment; even though some are probably secretly wishing that they could! It’s later when stay at home moms later realize just how out of touch they are when it comes to finding a job in today’s world after the children are grown. The ability to even have adult conversations can be overwhelming for some! This is why forgiveness is so vital.
So what do stay at home moms need and deserve forgiveness of?
1. Forgiveness for believing the lie they have nothing to offer.
2. Forgiveness for feeling guilty later in life for not reaching their dreams or goals.
3. Forgiveness for allowing others to treat them as less than a woman.
4. Forgiveness for not having all the right business tools and skills.
5. Forgiveness if they are not yet able to see the benefit of their sacrifice in their children.
6. Forgiveness of any guilt they have accepted to think that they were selfish, lazy, or entitled.
7. Forgiveness of any resentment they have had toward other mothers who are further along in their careers.
8. Forgiveness of the choice that perhaps they actually regret.
Stay at home moms are different than their counterparts of the working mom yet the are more alike if you pay close attention. Both moms need and deserve forgiveness for their sacrifice; because both are making sacrifices it’s just a matter of being able to live with the outcomes of them.
Stay at home moms contribute much to society; it just happens to be in the raising up of future generations and not themselves in their current generation. This can’t be ignored. If you have ignored that forgive yourself. And if you are a stay at home mom celebrate it. You have every reason to. If you haven’t yet forgiven yourself for where you are- do it now. And then relax because this too shall pass- and you don’t want to miss it.
Women are changing the world; whether we like it or not or even think it’s good women are changing the world. Carly Fiori just announced she will run for president for the GOP. Hilary Clinton is giving it a go. And more women are rising up to live their lives in a different way than many may agree with. There must be forgiveness for the working mom (the stay at home mom too but that’s for tomorrow). When we forget or just simply ignore what working mothers do, experience and accomplish we miss it. And let’s not forget that the Proverbs 31 woman worked. Yes folks; she was productive and fruitful in society!
So you may ask: why do working mothers need forgiveness? What do they need forgiveness for? Well besides the obvious that we all need it it’s more than that. If you were to ask any working mother if she has regrets, feels guilty, sometimes feels ashamed, condemns herself, feels like she is lacking, selfish, disorganized; or even falling apart then you would know. And who is anyone to judge? Yet many do without knowing one single thing about the working mom they place judgment on. Forgive. Give them freedom to chase their dreams with their children right next to them? What better example could that be? Of course I have to add the husband there too because I love men and leaving men out just would be sac religious. I’m not a feminist.
If you are a working mother forgive others for the bondage they either have or have attempted to place on you. Forgive them for they know not what they do. They aren’t in your shoes! No one knows your real circumstance and heart except for you and the Lord. And if you have unforgiveness toward yourself for working; forgive yourself. Do it now! You do not want another day to go by where you are living in the bondage of your choices. That is not God’s best.
When you forgive your life will change. Forgive yourself for not being there for your children when you want to. Forgive yourself for being too tired to have sex with your husband because you worked and took care of the children. Forgive yourself for not thinking you are doing enough. Forgive yourself for comparing yourself to your neighbors who are stay at home mothers. Just forgive it all! You are worth it. Your level of forgiveness will change your interaction with your children, husband and everyone around. Own the fact that you are a working woman and that if you are fine with it; that’s all you need to be. No apology necessary. It is your life after all.
It’s time as a society that the judgment and unforgiveness be removed toward the working mother. She is brilliant, dynamic, a sacrificer and sometimes the breadwinner. It’s time for both men and women come together in support of one another. It’s actually beyond time! We need to remain focused on what God would have for each of us and in the big scheme of things; it’s walking in love. And of course forgiveness.
Forgiving your mother is life changing. It transforms not only your life; but hers too. How do I know? I had to forgive my biological mother. I had to forgive her big time. And now I see the life change in both of us.
What happened to me probably doesn’t happen to most. My biological mother told me she was going to get pizza; but never came back. I was three. I was placed into a foster home and then adopted into an abusive home and they put me in a homeless shelter- all by age 15. I had to forgive. Big time. You see I hated my mom. I hated everything about her. Because of her selfishness my life was wrecked. Perhaps that is where you are today.
I’m quite confident that your mom is not perfect. She may not have loved you in the way that you actually needed or wanted to be loved. She probably didn’t allow you to do all that you wanted to do. And even maybe she loved your brothers or sisters more. I know what that is like. I’ve had more sets of parents than people have had wedding dresses! So not only did I have 1 mother to forgive; but I had several. And yes it was hard without a doubt because each of them did different things wrong and it was me the victim who had to forgive. Doesn’t sound fair does it?
I met my mom for the first time in 2003. She opened the door looked me up and down and then walked away! And I had to forgive. I learned after I spoke with her that while I was being abused as a child in my adoptive home that she lived about 15 minutes from me and was competing in dance competitions every Saturday. And I had to forgive. And I absolutely hated her. And I hated my adoptive mother even more. Much more. I hated every ounce of her 6’0″ being with a passion. And I had to forgive. So how did I do it? How do you do it? It’s the hardest process with simple steps which I’m sure doesn’t make any sense but will change your life.
1- Make the choice. Every single thing you do is because of a choice you make. The choices you have today are because of the choices you made yesterday. Forgive. Don’t forgive. Life in freedom. Live in bondage. All your choice. What do ‘you’ want? Every choice you make changes your life. Every choice. When I made the choice to forgive in reality I was making the choice to be obedient to the Word of God. I thought I was; yet I was living in unforgiveness. Once the choice was made there was no going back. None. The more mothers I forgave the more power came into my life; the more I felt the presence of God.
After I made the choice and sat in my room crying for 2 days straight over NYE I felt different. I looked different. My eye color changed! Nothing in my life was the same. Not one single thing.
After that I sent letters to my adoptive and biological mothers telling them that I forgave them.My adoptive mother replied; which was the first correspondence in about 10 years or longer. She explained that she didn’t know her actions caused me such pain. Now; one could ask how could she not! But for me- who cares. I forgave her. I was free. What she does and says is not my business.
With my biological mother; she called me. We spoke. I made the drive from Dallas to Houston to see her in person; the first time in 4 years. On that day she gave her life to Jesus. Both of us were changed on that day. And both forever.
In the end what I learned is that I had a mother who wanted to love me but couldn’t and one that could and wouldn’t. I had to forgive them both and the others too so that I could go on with my life. I learned that every mother has her own set of circumstances that she is dealing with and that mothers do what they know. If all they know is from what their mothers knew or know; then there you have it. We all do what we know and until we know what we know; we can’t truly expect others to do something that they can’t because they don’t know. This is why Jesus dying on the cross said, ‘Forgive them Father for they know not what they do’ in Luke 23:34. Your mother knows what she knows and what I am going to count on for sure is that in her own way she loves you. And that is what matters. And that is where through you forgiving her your life will change. And aren’t you ready for that?
For more about forgiveness and to hear testimonies and stories watch ‘Living in Forgiveness’ on Tuesdays at 9:20pm on the UANetwork. Check your local listing. Or watch On-Demand: http://uanetwork.tv/uanon-demand/living-forgiveness-julie-blair/
Being a mother is not easy. Ask any woman. Ask any woman what it is like on a daily basis being a mother. It doesn’t matter if a mother stays at home with her children or works. It simply doesn’t. The regret that many women face for their choices is something that is hard for many to talk about and men to grasp. It’s a silent pain that many even feel guilty about. The wonderful news is that there is forgiveness!
If you are a mother who has had thoughts or currently regrets having your children because your life changed; don’t let it consume you. It’s ok that you have those thoughts. Then take them captive! There is no guilt that you should just be happy that you have children because so many others can’t. That’s rubbish! This has nothing to do with anyone or anything else but you. As we approach Mother’s Day reflect on that and how you can get to what you want; with your children and all. You are after all a mother who survived child birth right? Maybe you may have thoughts of the dreams you once had if only you didn’t have children. Perhaps you wanted to travel to Monaco and write or perhaps you always dreamed of being a chef but because you now have children you have to plan birthday parties and play chauffeur. Regardless of what it is; know that forgiveness is there so that you don’t have to suffer more in silence because of a choice that you made. There is forgiveness and it starts with you.
1. Forgive yourself for hiding your thoughts and feelings. When you own how you feel and what you think; you will find power in it. Do not allow society to tell you where you should be by when and at what point. It will only add more pressure for you to be what you are not or don’t desire to be. If you regret having children; share it and share why. Write it down if you don’t want to share it with friends. Or share it with those you love. It may be the one thing that not only frees you; but frees others well. They may have something to share that will change your life! Your regret for having children most likely has nothing to do with your children but where you are in your life. Forgive yourself for allowing the bondage that’s holding you back. You are worth more than that!
2. Forgive yourself for thinking you are alone. There is an entire movement about women in society who regret having children so you are not alone. Do not believe that you are the only who has ever had those thoughts or lived in regret. It may be that you wanted something else for your life; but why not make it so now? Don’t focus on the ‘I can’t’ because you won’t get anywhere. You can and you just have to truly want it to make it so! Why allow yourself to think you are alone and that there is no hope! There are more women just like you than you think. You see; Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that ‘For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’ What does this mean? You have a future! You are not alone. God’s Word also tells us in Deuteronomy and also in Psalms that He will never leave us or forsake us. You my dear beautiful reader are not alone. Do you realize that there has never been a moment in your life when you have not been loved?
3- Forgive yourself for the shame, embarrassment and guilt for your thoughts. The enemy’s goal is to kill, steal and destroy. Destroy what? It doesn’t matter! The whole goal is destruction. If you are destroyed in your mind by feeling shameful for regret you will lose. If you are destroyed in spirit by guilt you are being destroyed. There is no freedom in that. It’s time to loose the ties that bind! You are too strong to be destroyed!
Women and all women need to stand together. It isn’t about celebrating women except the one named Sarah Palin. It just isn’t. It’s about women stopping the judgment and hate toward one another. If we look carefully and closely; we don’t even need men involved to do anything because women can tear down women all on their own. Men need not be blamed for that! That is how much power women have yet in silent and secret women hide in fear of that same judgment and power from one another. It’s time to let it go. It’s time to be honest and say, ‘Yep. I do love my children. And yep; there are times when I regret having them. Yep. I feel selfish and guilty for it. Yep I don’t think my husband would understand. And yep; I’m finally ready to forgive myself and recognize that I am here and that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. (Phi 4:13) And that means getting beyond the regret to see that I can live a wonderful life.’ And then it’s time to accept that you are a woman and that you are no different than any other and that through forgiveness of regret of what comes with being a mom you will survive; it’s just what you do. You survive.
The first Saturday of the month my mother guests hosts with me. While it may not seem like any big deal; let me share otherwise.
You may know my biological mother and I were separated for almost 30 years! I lived in a foster home, an abusive adoptive home and was placed in a homeless shelter all by age 15!
My biological mother had a rough childhood in a variety of ways. She too was homeless and has suffered from things like bi-polar, depression and many other ailments. During the 50’s there wasn’t the medical information or diagnoses to help people in her position. She was just said to be ‘retarded’.
Needless to say her mind is in tact! She is in the second round of testing to be on Jeopardy; all from the nursing home she lives in! What a story.
We come together every Saturday to answer viewer questions about forgiveness because we have been there. We know what it’s like to be angry, separated; healed and restored through forgiveness in the mighty name of Jesus! We are both in places where we never dreamed possible- and together!
On this day if you have been cheated on there is hope. If you have been a cheater there is forgiveness. If you are a business owner scammed there is forgiveness too. God’s Word never returns void and together we stand as one united family that the enemy thought he could destroy; although God’s plan is bigger and we give Him the praise and glory!
Join us today and get refreshed. It’s 30 minutes of love and laughter through forgiveness.
For more about forgiveness watch “Living in Forgiveness” on Saturdays in Dallas channels 27 & 47.2. NY & NY new channel 49.1 Stream live atwww.uanetwork.tvand watch previous episodes here: http://uanetwork.tv/uanon-demand/living-forgiveness-julie-blair/
This is our last Saturday before moving to Tuesdays where she will guest host the last Tuesday of each month. **Starting May 5th Living in Forgiveness will air Tuesdays at 9:30pm**
Sure we hear all the messages about people who forgave and how strong they are and we can all be inspired; but this story this takes the cake. It was reported that a woman in Ohio’s medical records were posted on Facebook. Now not just any medical records. Nope. Her STD diagnosis was posted to facebook by Cincinnati’s UC Medical Center for the world to see.
An image of the diagnosis of was included in the post and as a result the woman is suing. The lawsuit claims employees at the University of Cincinnati Medical Center posted the woman’s syphilis diagnosis, which included personal identifying information, on a page for the closed group “Team No Hoes,” reports reveal. The posting included derogatory comments about the woman, calling her a “hoe” and a “slut,” her attorney said.
The group that it was posted to has over 2,000 people in it that now know all her personal business.
The question is: could you forgive? Could you forgive the hospital for blabbing your STD to whomever it wants? Could you forgive Facebook for allowing it to be posted? Could your forgive yourself for even being on facebook in the first place? Could you forgive the person who gave you the STD in the first place? Could you forgive the people who have judged you all the while keeping their own STD’s quiet? Could you forgive yourself for trusting the doctors in the first place? Could you forgive the employee who deemed you invisible and unworthy and thought nothing of ruining your life?
Could you? Perhaps after you get a cool check for 10 million? But even then would you ever be able to forgive and move on? It’s something that perhaps you can’t answer until you are in that position. And on this day in the name of Jesus I pray you never are.
For more about forgiveness watch “Living in Forgiveness” on Saturdays in Dallas channels 27 & 47.2. NY & NY new channel 49.1 Stream live atwww.uanetwork.tvand watch previous episodes here: http://uanetwork.tv/uanon-demand/living-forgiveness-julie-blair/
**Starting May 5th Living in Forgiveness will air Tuesdays at 9:30pm**
Abortion is something in society that isn’t talked about in full. It’s something that is done in part for the preservation of a woman’s future; but talking about what women experience after the fact are things not truly explored.
Abortion has impact. It has impact on society, the men involved if they are aware, future generations and of course the woman who has the abortion. What is crazy is that 37% of women obtaining abortions identify themselves as Protestant, and 28% identify themselves as Catholic (AGI)! In 2011, women who had not aborted in the past accounted for 53.7% of all abortions; women with one or two prior abortions accounted for 37.1%, and women with three or more prior abortions accounted for 9.3% (CDC). And so we see abortion effects many. It has impacts that are longer lasting than what people recognize so it begs the question: is there forgiveness for abortion?
I listened to an interview with singer songwriter Toni Braxton and what captured me wasn’t so much about the fame or her career; but rather the abortion she regretted.
Toni spoke about her family and the tough financial trials and the bankruptcy she went through. It was during that time that she got pregnant and couldn’t see herself raising a child when she was in the midst of financial fall. She talked about how much she regretted having an abortion and how selfish she now sees her choice. Her selfishness is what caused her to swipe the existence and future from that baby’s life.
What captured me was 1) she knew it was selfish, 2) her regret. Those two things speak volumes without a doubt. She continued that she later become pregnant and her child was born with autism. She believed the autism was punishment from God and that yes; she deserved it. Now this is where forgiveness comes in to play. When there is forgiveness the slate is wiped clean! Let’s say that your children apologize for making a mistake or being selfish; do you forgive them and the punish them? Of course not!
As I listened to Toni I heard her clearly. She is not unlike many women who have made the choice to abort but here is the thing: there is forgiveness. There is freedom for and from abortion. Jesus died on the cross so that we could be forgiven of our sins. And forgiveness knows no bounds. If you are like Toni; there is forgiveness for you. When there is forgiveness there is no need to live in self-condemnation. There is no need to continue to dwell on the past! The past is time gone by! When we cling to it we live in it and there is no freedom in shame of the past.
There is forgiveness for your selfish ways. All you have to do is ask. Acts 3:19 is clear for us all to follow: Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord,’. The times of refreshing are there. They are waiting just for you. Do not be deceived into thinking that your choice to have an abortion isn’t forgivable. That my dear friend; is a lie. God’s Word says so.
I encourage you today to seek forgiveness because it will change your life. It will set you free. It will remove the chains of bondage. Let it all go! Let go of the shame, guilt, condemnation, self-loathing, regret; and all of rest of the cousins attached. There is no need to continue like Toni and live in shame as she said for the sins that she committed that she repented of. God is a loving God and not one who simply hates and isn’t forgiving. It would be a lie to think that. It’s a trap! Yes we all make mistakes there is no doubt although this sin is just as forgivable as all of the rest of them.
There is a future for your life regardless of whether or not you believe it just yet. There is hope too. You don’t have to live without it. You don’t have to continue to suffer in silence. You are valued. You are loved. You are forgiven. It’s just up to you to get it.
For more about forgiveness watch “Living in Forgiveness” on Saturdays in Dallas channels 27 & 47.2. NY & NY new channel 49.1 Stream live atwww.uanetwork.tvand watch previous episodes here: http://uanetwork.tv/uanon-demand/living-forgiveness-julie-blair/
**Starting May 5th Living in Forgiveness will air Tuesdays at 9:30pm**
America has a heart condition. It’s bigger than you may think. One only needs to look around and see it. There is no reason that in the land of the free such hatred, bitterness and resentment is bred quicker and on larger scales than love and peacefulness. You know it’s not the best day when you realize that American soldiers are safer in war in other countries than in some neighborhoods in their own country. There is an issue and until we deal with the root it; nothing will change. We have got to get it- and now!
The problem isn’t about this state funded program or that; that is just a bandaid. The government doesn’t need to create more money out of thin air to give away for nothing; it’s proven that does not work. We need to get to the core root of the issue and that is unforgiveness. Simple as that.
Until the hearts of the people are changed; nothing will change. Until those with agendas stop their nonsense of demanding tolerance in the name of intolerance nothing will change. Until there is forgiveness of the past; and all of the past nothing will change. Until the hatred is removed out of the hearts of people are filled with love- nothing will change. And until we recognize that burning our country is stupid then we are not going to get very far. So the question is: what can you do today to change the tone? Perhaps walking in love and forgiveness would be a good start; after you are able to do it of course!
The mistakes that people make can and do destroy communities. We see this in the good and the bad. There is no way around it and for some; the devastation is never overcome for some. The pain of lives torn apart, the hearts left grieving; and the unforgiveness that settles in all reaps what it sows. It is something that only those who have experienced it can truly understand. It paints a picture of pure destruction in the most concrete of ways. It begs the question: what does a community do to overcome the mistakes others make to forgive? It’s simple although not easy. Forgive. When the heart is cleansed lives will change. We have to get what it is about:
1. Forgiveness is about individual healing. Forgiving others has nothing to do with what the other person did. This is the biggest problem in our society. The focus on what others have done and so what? Look in the mirror! What have ‘you’ done? Fix that! Your focus will reveal exactly where you are; and the results of it. We can look at Adam and Eve and see it- they focused on what they weren’t supposed to and they fell. America is focusing on everything else but what it was founded on and guess what? It’s falling! We as individuals need to get our focus changed to seeing what we are doing is not right. It just doesn’t. What you do to make change is what will breed in others. You have all the power! You really do. Power to change the message you are sending. So what are you going to do about it? Spread this blog post or send yet one more picture of someone looting? It’s your choice. What do you want to be responsible for? Sharing life or death? Again; your choice.
2. Forgiveness restores communities. When you make the choice to forgive life changes. Now yes we have to stop shooting and looting long enough to get to a place of this; however, if you are not in a war zone in your community you can start the change now. Be part of restoration right where you live. When a community of individuals come together in forgiveness hearts are healed and what occurred in the past while remembered; isn’t filled with the focus of what occurred and the pain that was associated with it. What it is filled with is hope. Hope for a future. Hope for what should be. Hope for what is to come. Know that it does take time; however, the steps toward restoration begins with forgiveness. We can all focus on the negative; but each person has a story. What is yours? How can your story be part of the healing process?
3. Forgiveness paves the way to the future. In order for anyone to progress forward toward a fruitful life forgiveness is the roadway toward it. It removes the stumbling blocks and all things hindering what is to come. There is never a reason to allow people and their mistakes to be a roadblock to your future; or the future of the community you are part of. Acts 3:19-20 gives us all an excellent starting point: ‘Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord, and that he may send the Messiah, who has been appointed for you—even Jesus.’ What your level of unforgiveness is plays a part. Don’t be so deceived that you are immune. The Bible is clear about that! Make sure that your path is clear and paving the right way to the right future for the right reasons.
We come together for a variety of reasons in life. It may be church, dancing, football; or even in neighborhoods to clean up the destruction of our neighborhoods. People that come together are not perfect and while the mistakes they may make be illegal, harmful to children; and even harmful to themselves what they do should not be allowed to control what others do as a result. None of us are any different. We make mistakes, we hurt people; and we all have at some point needed forgiveness and have been asked to forgive. Yes we may prove that our sins are in silent while some are stupid enough to boast them on camera; but nonetheless we all must see that we can be part of the solution. I encourage you to take the challenge and forgive. Then move on to the future that is what you were on your way to in the first place.
It’s hard to get through life without being hurt. Let’s just get real. What could you forgive? Could you forgive the boy who gets your precious daughter pregnant? Could you forgive the drunk driver who kills your family? The terrorist who claimed innocent lives? Or how about Julian Stratenschulte for what he did? Oh you don’t know who he is? He is the guard who worked at Auschwitz on trial on 300,000 counts of accessory to murder.
In his story he shares such details of infants. He said left behind on the platform was a crying infant. As the child cried, one of the now 93-year-old Oskar Groening’s fellow SS officers approached it, grabbed it by the leg, dashed its head against a nearby truck, then tossed the lifeless body into the truck.
As horrific as that story is, what might have been more shocking was Groening’s next observation.
“I don’t know what else I could have expected the guard to do with the baby,” he mused. “I suppose he could have shot it, though.”
Could you forgive that? Could you see beyond the acts that destroyed so many to see the pain and heart condition of another? Or does that matter?
The most difficult part of forgiveness is getting to a place of breaking self away from what the act was that needs to be forgiven. People are ignorant. None are immune. Not Julian Stratenschulte. Not even you. What someone did to you hurt. No one is doubting that. It hurt. There is pain. The length of time you allow that pain to be in your heart, soul and mind is all on you. Let us not forget too what you too have done to others may be deemed unforgivable. But is it really? It may be so by those who are still harboring the pain and unforgiveness; but the truth is that what others decide to hold on to is none of your business.
What has been done to you and what you have done to someone else can be forgiven. It can be! Jesus came to set the captives free. This means ‘you’ too! It doesn’t matter if you are were a stripper, addicted to pornography, cheater, murderer; or even terrorist. There is forgiveness and the most unforgivable act can be forgiven. All you have to do is get to a place of receiving it. No one knows what is in your heart or what your motives are. God knows. In the situation of Julian Stratenschulte; God knows his motives. God knows his heart. God knows if he has sought forgiveness.
When we judge ourselves we miss the point. When we judge others we miss the point. The time spent in unforgiveness keeps you from seeing the outcome of forgiveness. It keeps you living in bondage and turmoil; and not living in freedom and your true calling. It’s time to break free. It’s time to stand up and forgive. It’s time to stop the riots in Baltimore! It’s time to stop to persecution of the Jewish people! It’s time to forgive and start the healing process.
It all starts with you. It starts right now with you seeing that the most unforgivable in your mind is just in your mind. Let it go. Forgive. Simply forgive. Change your life. Forgive. Change your family. Forgive. Change your community. Forgive. Change your nation. Forgive. Just do it. Forgive the unforgivable and let your strength shine. Do it today!
For more about forgiveness watch “Living in Forgiveness” on Saturdays in Dallas channels 27 & 47.2. NY & NY new channel 49.1 Stream live atwww.uanetwork.tvand watch previous episodes here: http://uanetwork.tv/uanon-demand/living-forgiveness-julie-blair/
**Starting May 5th Living in Forgiveness will air Tuesdays at 9:30pm**
If you pay close attention to society and the people in it; you will see much. The level of narcissism is increasing and at a faster rate than people recognize; which would make sense as it seems the spirit of deep sleep has covered people and countries. Regardless of this; forgiveness is still required whether you are the narcissist or you choose to surround yourself with one.
Narcissism in its truest form really is self-deception. It shares such traits as:
- A gradiose sense of self-importance with no regard for others
- The false believe that he/she is more special and entitled just because he/she exists
- Exploits others for self-gain at all cost while lacking empathy and thought of others
- Requires excessive admiration, adoration and accolades
While there are numerous others, NPD has become quite a topic with various books on the topic. Bottom line is in today’s society one just needs to see someone’s instagram or facebook account and get an idea to the level of it one has. It is easy to detect narcissism in a simple 5 minute or less conversation. It shouldn’t be a shock that there are so many deceived for it is written in the Word, Ephesians 5:15-17, ‘Be very careful, then, how you live–not as unwise but as wise,making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.’ It is very clear when the focus is on self that there is no room for God. We all have a choice which ego we allow: ‘Edging God Out’ or ‘Edifying God Only’.
So it’s clear we are in the days and times that we are in and if you are finding yourself challenged by the narcissists in your life what do you do? How do you interact? Well; it’s quite simple. Forgive. Yes. Simply forgive. And then I add pray for them that their eyes, hearts and ears be open to the level of deception they are covered with and that they repent according to Acts 3:19. (Of course pray in the name of Jesus- the name ABOVE ALL names)
You see; someone being a narcissist is his or her own problem just as much as your level of forgiveness is yours. The Word is also clear in Galatians 5:2-262 ‘But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying one another.’
Now taking this into consideration it is not truly possible for one to be a narcissist and loving at the same time. There is no room for anyone else; let alone God, Jesus or the Holy Spirit. Once we crucify our flesh to being the center of our own world and everyone else’s we will live different lives. It is also not possible to living in the fruit of the Spirit and unforgiving at the same time. The two cannot coexist.
Bottom line is that those who are narcissists prove what and who they are just as much as the forgiver of it. If you see and you choose to interact with it; then deal with that and move on. If you are focusing on someone being what they are; then you are by your choice not focusing on God and His master plan for your life. Philippians 4:8 outlines it quite clear: ‘Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.’ By default; you focusing on the narcissist simply feeds it. And why not feed yourself what you are worthy of instead?
If you must interact with the narcissist then get yourself in order to reach the victory. There is hope for the narcissist just as much as there is the unforgiver. Focusing on anything other than victory is a waste of time! Those narcissists by the Word of God are in direct rebellion to God’s commands and will receive what they receive from Him; which is not anyone’s concern at all. On the flip side; those obedient to God’s commands will receive and reap the blessings. It’s quite clear. Keep the focus where it should be for His glory.
Because God isn’t to be used like a magic stick to make the narcissists go away you have to be on track with your own strategy with Him so that you don’t get into sin by complaining and being unforgiving. Remember to pray for your brothers and sisters. And also remember the words of Nehemiah: “Don’t be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great an awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes.” (4:14)
Then going to the next level in your prayers remember this: ‘Greater love that has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command.’ (John 15:13-14)
It isn’t about what other people are, what disorder they have; or what you want to talk about what you think they have. It simply isn’t. It is about you living in forgiveness, remembering that you too are a sinner; and that there is hope for us all. When you stay on your own path and in the right focus the Lord will make even your enemies be at peace with you. Therefore; stay in your lane and life will be simple. Forgive and live.