Your Future After Forgiving
When you live your life a certain way you get accustomed to it. When you live life in unforgiveness you grow accustomed to it. You know what it’s like; it’s predictable. Those who know you know how you will respond; the flareups and all. How life is after unforgiveness is different and in many ways. I didn’t realize just how different my life would be once I forgave and saw that I was an overcomer. That in and of itself was true victory! Amazing that a simple revelation is more life changing that moving to a new home or getting a promotion; but for me yes it was and still is.
When you forgive you change. You are never the same praise God! But sure you can recognize that but what does it mean? I have blogged about how life is not the same, your relationships are not the same and pretty much nothing is as it was in the past. But what about it is different? Let me share.
When you recognize as a Believer the authority you carry with the name of Jesus you have more power than you can imagine. When you live in unforgiveness this is simply not possible. Why? Because you are living defeated! Unforgiveness is one of the greatest ploys of the enemy to ruin lives and it works. My prayer for you today in the name of Jesus is that you see it; and that you break free in His name!
When I forgave all those people on NYE 2005/6 I felt different. My eye color changed and my voice changed. What else changed was the power in how I spoke. No longer was it the snippy, cold, attack but a soft boldness of power. The pain that was behind it was no longer. The power of love in Christ was instead in its place.
Once I understood the depths of forgiveness according to God’s Word; I started seeing life different. My life and ways of old were of no more. My heart for people changed. I felt an inner compassion like that of Christ that I never felt before; in ways that I couldn’t ever feel being unforgiving. What I wanted to do for people changed. And the biggest change was how I saw my mother. Before forgiveness I hated her. I really did. She was this disgusting person who made choices that wrecked my life. And I hated her. But once I forgave her I saw her as a precious child of God. My heart sang songs of love and lilies in the midst of a sunshiny Sunday. Life is precious. God became and still becomes more amazing with each passing day- because His love and the love of His Son is ever present. He will never leave us or forsake us and because His Word ‘never’ returns void that means it was true for me- and for you too.
And so life after overcoming unforgiveness bred a buffet of goodness that I never experienced before. Now don’t get me wrong; forgiving my biological mother was one thing but there were others that did even much much more damage to me than she did; and much deeper. The best news is that I thank God that I learned how to forgive so that I could continue to stay on the God path of forgiveness. I had to. I still have to. And so do you if you want the fullness of Him. It’s a command in God’s Word.
Through it all it’s what I see that has changed the most. People are people; and I am no different. I accept them more in more Christlike ways.I accept myself too. Now does it mean I live in tolerance of all things not of Christ. Nope. I stand on God’s Word and all of it; although it’s the love for people that I have in my heart that I didn’t before. I couldn’t. Unforgiveness doesn’t allow it.
The direction of my life changed entirely. The purpose and call on my life became more clear; and it will for you too. Unforgiveness is a blessing blocker. It blocks you from seeing, your heart from loving; your soul from receiving.
Life after unforgiveness is different in that its open. Open to more of He who created ‘you’ special for your special assignment. It brought purpose in ways that I never could have imagined; and bigger too. For the first time ever in my life after overcoming unforgiveness I was able to dream; and believe. For the first time I was able to see and fully a life filled with hope and amazement.
Through it all I can share this and much much more with you. I know what life is like in living in full unforgiveness; and living in full forgiveness. I know all of what comes with both and while forgiveness is a process, or journey some will say; it’s one that you want to go through. I don’t need to look back. And neither do you. You simply need to go through it. You simply need to to get to the other side. You need to experience life in a different way. And that is a life of forgiveness.
There is so much focus on forgiving and forgiveness which obviously is wonderful; but what about life after? What is life after forgiveness like? What should it be like? Most don’t ever get to a place of recognition of what it should be and that is a problem. Life after forgiveness is as much a process as forgiveness itself. Let’s explore!
1. Life after forgiveness is not the same as life with unforigveness. Everything is different when you lived as an unforgiver. Everything. The way you saw life and behaved in your relationships was based upon who you were at that time. As you forgave you changed. Therefore; nothing will be the same. Relish in that!
2. Life after forgiveness means relationships will change. Because you are are not who you used to be; your relationships can’t follow suit. Some may get better while others may dissolve. As a result of this; being aware of the changes that are coming into your life may take some time. Forgiveness and the entire process is healing. Remember you are the one who changed in your choice to forgive and as a result of you choosing to change; everything in your world will change too. For me personally; the larger things I had to forgive others for meant they were no longer in my life. There simply was no need. Some relationships had run their courses and I moved past what they could offer. It’s nothing against anyone; it simply was more about the changes that occurred in my life. I needed to move forward and some of my relationships simply would not be in alignment with that. In the case of a marriage situation; everything is forgivable. It is moreso a matter of whether or not we choose to get to a place in our hearts to forgive and then desire to continue to change in the relationship for it to grow in a healthy way.
3. Life after forgiveness will reflect the changes of you, who you are, and who you are becoming. After forgiveness nothing in you or your life will be as it once was nor will it be as it currently is. Don’t be alarmed by this! Your growth is what changes you. Now of course people who don’t forgive also grow- just not in the same way. When you forgive your life will reflect the positive growth in who you are based upon the choice to forgive but also through the act of forgiveness itself. You will never be the same. Because you aren’t the same; your life and the impact it has on others won’t either. This is probably the biggest testimony of life change through forgiveness. Who you become is reflected in the forgiveness you give.
My life changed after I forgave. Every single thing in my life changed. My eyes opened, my relationship with Christ deepened; my ministry was birthed. I was forever changed. It wasn’t until some time later that I started seeing all of what occurred through forgiveness and there are still days when I see just how much my life changed. Rest assured the one thing I can share with you is that you and your life will never be the same; but if you don’t forgive you won’t know. So today is the day to make sure you forgive so you can truly live!
Forgiveness is a weapon of spiritual warfare; no doubt about this. The question is: how does on live victoriously in forgiveness? Simple. By defeating the enemy through and even with forgiveness.
We all know the enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy but what most don’t recognize is ‘how’. The enemy is so sly and most are dying yet seeing it not. The enemy wants your life. What is included in your life? Your health, your soul, your finances, your transportation; your mind- and everything else that comes with you as a being.
In order to defeat the enemy you must change your thinking. Period. There is no way to beat any enemy without a change in the mind. Ask anyone in special ops and they will attest to that. Everything begins in the mind. Heck; even Hitler knew that! Change the mind- change the people. Then change every single thing else that one could dream right? Steve Jobs grasped that concept too. And now most of the population have an ‘I-life’ with the exception of those who live the ‘A-life’ but you get the point.
When you see a mind changed you can see what you can do to overcome the enemy. You can forgive. How do I know for certain? God’s Word says so! In Philippians 4:13 it reads, ‘ I can do all this through him who gives me strength.’ (NIV) This means you ‘can’ forgive. You can do anything with His strength! When you live in forgiveness you are defeating your enemy! You are stopping him dead right in tracks.
You see; unforgiveness kills. It is from the enemy. It steals your life and everything else. It steals your joy, your family and other relationships, your time, your level of productivity, your health, finances and more. Unforgiveness is not of God! It can’t be! It was His Son who died on the cross and while doing so asked ‘Forgive them Father for they know not what they do’ so it’s pretty clear that Jesus didn’t die for you to live in unforgiveness and defeatedness of the enemy. And if you are know there is a better way and that you don’t have to be defeated nor live like it.
Forgiveness is a strategic way to defeat the enemy because it keeps you on the offense. It keeps you aware that while the enemy may try to infiltrate your family through pettiness; your level of forgiveness sees through the charade. When unforgiveness tries to destroy work relationships and you forgive; you win. When unforgiveness tries to keep you hating yourself and you forgive; not only are you free but you are whooping the enemy at the same time!
If you truly want to defeat the enemy it’s time to stand up and take what is rightfully yours. It’s sad to see in a society where more people are willing to stand and die for their religion while others sit silent in sickness and lack for theirs; especially when they don’t have to. The war is raging and when you recognize that forgiveness is one of the best weapons of spiritual warfare the enemy will not be able to stand. How do I know? Because the enemy wanted me dead. It’s ok he wants you dead too; and it doesn’t even mean not alive as it can be walking dead. The deader you are alive the more of an impact you have for him. Everything dead about you spreads like a disease and that is what he wants. He is not for life!
For me; I hated my biological mother which meant I was living in unforgiveness and not honoring my mother or father. Two wammies against me. That alone caused much havoc on my life to the destruction of many other relationships and self-hatred. It’s a twisted cycle of terribleness which is not of God. Once I grasped that and started making changes by forgiving; my life changed. Yours will too. You will be able in the strength of the Almighty to defeat any enemy. You have it within you! You are an overcomer- you just to see it. When you forgive not only will your life change; but those around you will change. And what better way to defeat an enemy than through life? What better way to defeat the enemy than staying married? What better to defeat the enemy than to forgive yourself? What better way to defeat the enemy than to simply live in forgiveness?
In case you aren’t aware; the enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy. Like a thief in the night you can lose your life- and without even knowing it. The enemy is so vast in his strategies but once you know them; you can defeat him and live in victory. How do I know? God’s Word reads so! And guess what? Regardless of what your mind may want to argue; God’s Word ‘never’ returns void. So what does this have to do with forgiveness? Forgiveness is an awesome spiritual weapon because it not only changes your life and adds years to it; it does the same for others. And what better way to defeat the enemy?
Apostle Paul made it clear in the book of Ephesians, ‘For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.’ (Ephesians 6:12) (NIV) So a couple of things are clear: 1) there is a battle, 2) it’s not an earthly battle. Ok great right? Now you are informed that there is a battle and that it’s not just picking up a knife or firearm and aiming it. Nope. It’s something much more.
The enemy will destroy you in every way possible if you are not careful. You must take every step to ensure that you choose life. In the end forgiveness is an awesome spiritual weapon for a few reasons:
1- You are choosing life. When you choose life you choose to live. Deuteronomy 30:19-20 doesn’t mince words: ‘This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live (20)and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the LORD is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. (NIV) When you make the choice to forgive you are choosing life; and there is nothing more that the enemy hates than those who choose life. I never knew just how many choices I made in my life that aligned with death. I truly didn’t. This was until I started reading the Bible on days other than Sunday. This wasn’t until I grasped the reality of what it means to choose life. This wasn’t until I truly understood that there is a war for my life. And guess what? There is one for yours too! You are that precious which is why the enemy wants to take you out. Choose life today!
2- You are being obedient to God’s Word. In Mark 11:26 we need to look no further to grasp the truth about what is written about forgiveness for it tells us: ‘But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.’ (KJB) While your level of obedience and forgiveness is your choice; when you choose to be obedient it goes against everything the enemy hopes for. See; so long as the enemy keeps you trapped in unforgiveness you are dead man walking. Look around and you will see just how many victims there are- and some probably right next to you!
3- You are free from bondage. The days we live in are not what they once were. There is no doubt about this. Times in America have changed and if you look closely you will see the destruction of Biblical marriage, the downfall of the economy, there is hate instead of love; and people’s hearts in pain. God’s Word; however, provides instruction in Ephesians 5:15-17, ‘Be very careful, then, how you live–not as unwise but as wise,making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.’ (NIV) When you live in forgiveness you are not trapped. You are free from the bondage that the enemy wants you to live in. You my dear friend are victorious!
This is just the start of how forgiveness is an awesome spiritual weapon. There are many other ways of course but this is just the beginning. To win the war means you are actively standing your ground and taking what is rightfully yours. You are making the choice to forgive with the knowing that so long as you are forgiving you are choosing life; and what better way than to defeat the enemy than that?
People are people. And people in the church are no different. Life changes when you get this revelation; at least it did for me. It’s a sad day when the truth is revealed. So then how do you handle it when you truly see the devastation caused by those in church leadership? How do you go forward when what you thought to be really wasn’t ever anything at all? How do you decipher truth from fiction? You forgive. Is it hard? Absolutely. But for your sanity, freedom and future you must forgive.
If you have ever attended a church and or been part of a church split you know the difficulty of it. If you have ever been spiritually abused you too know how hard it is to forgive. Those in leadership probably did things that you don’t even want to talk about. They probably stole years from your life and deceived you right there while praising the Lord Almighty singing and dancing. They probably did much more damage than you are even aware of. While it may take years to overcome you must forgive. Your life is too precious to live in the bondage of other people’s deception. When you put your trust in those in leadership roles and they fail you; things change. You must change too. What must you forgive?
1) You must forgive yourself putting more faith in man than God. It’s a weird thing to me how many people talk more about how wonderful their pastor is compared to what Jesus has done for them. ‘Oh my pastor says this, says that’ and on and on- but what does Jesus say? If you are relying more on man’s word than God it’s an issue. Ask yourself if you put your pastor or leader above God in the idolizing and then repent and seek forgiveness according to Acts 3:19. The Word is clear that you shall have no other gods. That includes the god of pastor.
2) You must forgive yourself for allowing their poison to put you in bondage. The bondage that others are allowed to put you in is by your doing. They will continue to pour into your life all things terrible so long as you allow them to. It doesn’t matter what they have done; your level of forgiveness is what is required and between you and the Lord. From personal experience; it was the leaders that taught me so much and then turned on me it hurt. I never imagined that they were just so hateful. Never. The worse thing about it was that they didn’t even hide it. Nope. I’m not sure if that is good or bad but it surely was out there without a doubt. It personally changed every single thing in my life and my prayer is that regardless of what they have done you no longer accept them to have that control. Those who like and thrive on control will continue to use it as a breeding ground. And their behavior is not a reflection of God. And your unforgiveness toward yourself or them won’t be either.
3) You must forgive them for their wicked, evil and vile ways. The wolf in sheep’s clothing is moving to and fro- do you see it? If you are not paying attention you won’t. If you are not careful to forgive and do it quick; they win. Their wickedness can destroy you if you are not careful. If they choose to live like Jezebel; let them. It’s not how you want to live! And in case you don’t know- Jezebel was mauled by dogs. Best to get them out of your system and move on toward more important things; like giving God the praise and glory that you are no longer being under that leadership and authority!
In many cities church is business. I remember moving to Dallas and everyone asking me ‘what church do you go to’ as though it was a status to say this one or that. It made me miss my old church in Denver that much more. I don’t follow church; I follow Jesus. It’s that simple. You see; it isn’t about being followers of leaders of churches to the point of elevating and worshiping them. It simply isn’t. It isn’t even about church if you get to the core of it. It’s about an intimate relationship with Christ and when you get away from that; things happen. And when they do; the damage is more than most can handle. When you walk straight with Christ and your brother in leadership falls; it’s forgiveness that is easier to fill your heart. Does it mean it’s easy? No just easier because you will have the Rock to stand on. When you are with Jesus you can rest in peace knowing that He will never leave you or forsake you. What better leader to have than that?
Forgiveness is a challenge for most people and with good reason. People hurt people and more often hurt people hurt people and being forgiving of that when it’s not deserved is not easy. Forgiveness is a process. Forgiving a psychopath is even more difficult! The good news is that it is doable as God’s Word tells us so.
The question of the sociopath brings in an entirely different level of forgiveness because of how the sociopath is known to maneuver through life. When you understand the traits of the sociopath then the picture of forgiveness will be more complete in the areas of what to forgive for your own sanity. Know there too is a difference between a psychopath and sociopath and today it’s about the sociopath. Remember that forgiveness is about you and is between you and God and that is what must remain the focus.
To understand the traits of the sociopath here are a few:
1) They are Manipulative and cunning. The underline goal for the sociopath is to deceive people of course without them knowing it. The underline purpose is power and control; of course without your knowledge.
2) They lie. And lie. And lie. And then lie about what they just lied about; and most likely right to your face. What makes it worse is that they believe their own lies; except you don’t really know which lie it is that they are believing because it’s all lies.
3) They feel no shame, guilt or remorse. Most people feel something when they do something wrong. Not the sociopath. There is no such thing. This is why forgiveness is challenging with them because most people want someone to acknowledge or feel something about causing pain. But for the sociopath there is no such emotion which leaves most victims in unforgiveness. This of course is until they recognize it.
4) They are intelligent. This is what makes them so dangerous. They are highly intelligent and most know it; which makes their manipulation that much more believable because they know what they are doing. The downfall though to many of them is that their pride of their intellect gets in the way. They tend to forget that other people too are intelligent and can see through their wicked and vile ways.
5) They dominate and control to win at all costs. Power and control are the foundational goals of the sociopath. Domination through manipulation, control through lies and winning above all. This is how they get it done. To someone who doesn’t understand this; they will be trapped in the web of the person and when they recognize it; it is harder to recover from.
In the end; forgiving the sociopath is challenging because what are you forgiving them for? Being a sociopath of course but also for all the rest of it too. See; when you break down the components of the sociopath into its components forgiving someone for all it changes the dynamics. It isn’t just about being a sociopath but also being a control freak, domineering, manipulator; and all the other things that come with being a sociopath. For the sociopath; forgiveness of self for each of the components would be something to consider because until each area is forgiven there will be an open doorway which can lead to further devastation.
The best news is that when you recognize someone truly is a sociopath and you forgive them; they no longer have any control of you or your life. They have no power as you took it. That is what hurts them the most. Now is it that you are out for blood. Of course not! You are out to live your life righteously and without the drama that comes with being around a sociopath. Not only this; you don’t have to worry about hearing lies or being manipulated by someone for their own self-propaganda agenda that really only has you as a pawn and not a person. You will be free and living in forgiveness and trust me; there is no better way to live!
Believers are called to forgive. It is a requirement in the Word of God. Matthew 14:15 tells us: For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. (15) But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Thus as a result; the traits of the forgiver are noticeable.
1. The Forgiver is focused on God. For the Forgiver there is no time to be distracted by things not of God. The Forgiver knows how and why to protect his/her heart and that the enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy. The Forgiver follows Psalm 119:10 where it reads: “I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands.”(NIV) The Forgiver is not going to lose sight and allow anything to get in the way of the relationship with Christ as that would serve no purpose other than destruction. Matthew 6:21 reads, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” and the Forgiver is well aware of where the pure treasure is.
2. The Forgiver is unmoved. The Forgiver knows that anything that infiltrates the mind and heart impact the body. The Bible is clear that bitterness is spiritual poison and allowance of anything emotional and not of God would only move and not be standing on the foundation of the Word of God. 1 Cor 15:58 gives clear instructions: “Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.” When you know what you stand for and what you stand on; it’s much easier to stand. When you don’t; it’s much easier to fall and when you fall unforgiveness creeps in. The Forgiver is not moved or controlled by the sins of others.
3, The Forgiver is loving according to God’s Word. When a person is not forgiving it shows. When a person is loving it too shows. When there is no love it is challenging to be forgiving just as much as it is hard to be loving without forgiveness. Mat 22:37: Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ When there is unforgiveness within the heart of man the others are not truly possible to the level that they should be. The Forgiver keeps a strict focus not only on God’s Word but also living it to the full.
The Forgiver’s heart is revealed if you pay close attention. While these are three; there are more. A Forgiver’s heart has the power and ability to impact and influence people’s live for personal change and growth; but moreso for God’s Kingdom. The heart does most of the physical work for a person; so why not make the work it does for you be the best that it can be? Change your heart condition today by simply forgiving.
There may be a time in your life when people come against you. If there is stand strong. People are people and always reveal their ways. The jealousy, envy, greed or just plain hate may come against you by those who you love or work with; or even those who hate what you stand for. Your religion or beliefs may cause hate but what you stand for is what is important. When they do come against you with nothing good in store the message for you is quite simple. Forgive. You must forgive.
You see; the important thing to remember is that what is in your heart is reflected outward. So ask yourself: what it is my heart? Revenge? Payback? Hatred? Don’t let it enter. Cast down those thoughts! Take them captive. You are worth more than the negative thoughts of what others have done to you.
Those who have anger and all things negative are revealing much about what is in their heart. Perhaps someone you work with is jealous of the promotion you just received. Forgive. If someone in your church has come against you for the favor that God has given you; forgive. If your ministry is growing at a faster rate than others and they don’t like it; forgive. Whatever it is against you forgive. Those that come against you have no clue to their ways; but the God almighty does! And God knows what your ways are too. Let them be in proper alignment with Him.
The only thing that should be your concern is your level of obedience to Christ. Period. What other people do is not of your concern. What other people say about you is not your concern. What other people attempt to do to you is not your concern. It really isn’t. The only concern is your obedience and forgiveness for it is the Truth that makes you free.
The Word tells us that the days are evil and the enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy. Knowing this- it should be so surprise when people truly show who and what they are. When they do; forgive. It isn’t about them anyway. It’s about you and your relationship with Him. And on this day make all things about you about the One who created you. And then you will see more of His glory in ways unimaginable.
People are people and some are honest; while liars simply are not. Perhaps you work with one. Perhaps you married one. Or perhaps you are one. In any case; this is for you. You see; liars prove themselves what they are simply by their actions. It’s simply a matter of whether or not we pay attention to it. The signs are all there and while some are better than others; liars are always found out. And in such case as when they are; forgive. Forgive them because them and their lies are not worth the pain of even talking about it.
See; the thing about liars is that there is a deeper root operating causing them to lie in the first place. The lie typically is a deflection of the real situation at hand. It’s a cover up. It’s sick really when you are faced with someone who pretends to be one way and really they aren’t. The good news is that the when get the revelation your life will change! When you get that the person’s ways are probably not congruent with how you live then it’s time to forgive and walk away.
So how do you do it? How do you forgive a liar that masquerades probably so honest all the while treating everyone as though they are stupid? How do you get past the facade of someone who does business in dishonest ways? How do you reconcile someone who may even be in the church as a preacher who lies straight to your face? Simple. You make the choice for you my dear reader have all the power.
Through the process of forgiveness your life will change. It starts with you making the choice. These choices make it simple:
1- Make the choice to pay attention to what you know. More often than not liars have lied to you more than one time; but you let it slide. You justified it. You tried to accept that a white lie is a different kind of lie; not receiving that a lie is a lie is a lie regardless of the color. And your allowing the unforgiveness to settle in by accepting the lies you put yourself in bondage. Pay close attention so you can get free once and for all! Choose life!
2- Make the choice to act on what you know. You can know tons of things but that doesn’t mean you act on them. You know you need to eat better; but do you? You know you need to forgive; but do you? It’s one thing to know something and quite another to take the next step. For me for quite some time I ignored what I saw. That was my action; acceptance. Then when I saw it my life changed and how I acted upon it changed more.
I no longer sat in silence watching. Nope. I said something. And what happened amazed me! When I met in person with the liar what amazed me was that he wasn’t even sorry that he did it. It didn’t matter that not only did he lie to me; but to my mother and friend right to our faces. No apology. Nothing. The liar actually not only admitted it; but justified it. And- used the Bible! Yes- this is the extent that people will go to protect themselves and what you choose to do about it is on you. Period. There is no other way. If people lie to you and you do nothing; ask yourself why? If people lie to you and you don’t change the people surrounding you in your life ask yourself why? And then forgive yourself for allowing them to creep in to your life and forgive them for being sick because that really is what they are. Taking the step to forgive a liar will free you from the bondage of falling back into the trap of silent acceptance. You are worth more than accepting lies from liars.
3- Make a choice to live what you know. You know you need to forgive and make it a lifestyle; so why not start today? Why let the lies of liars come against you? You are worth more than that! Forgive them and move on. While sure we can all say liars are people too and that there is forgiveness for them; it doesn’t mean you have to allow the lies or the liars in your life. Remember that people will treat you the way that you allow. Choose and choose carefully. Choose life.
In the end; people reveal who they are in the day and the night. If you see it in the daylight; don’t think it will be different in the night for even in the darkness the truth is revealed. Don’t deceive yourself through justification and acceptance because the Word is clear that a doubleminded man is unstable in all his ways. Unforgiveness will keep you that way. The lies of liars will keep you that way too so it’s best to forgive, learn the lesson and live the lesson. Be honest and true and know that forgiveness is the way to getting free of liars and their lies.
Forgiveness is the one thing that changes more than the person who forgives. It changes the people are them too. While forgiveness is for us as individuals, on a collective scale it has more impact that we could possible think. Of course forgiveness changes you but forgiveness of mothers changes them, it changes families, communities, regions, states and nations. Change a nation and you can change the world. And it starts with changing you.
When I had to forgive my mom it wasn’t easy. I hated her. I wanted to be nothing like her and I certainly didn’t want to look like her. I loathed her. She abandoned me and left me for not-so I thought. I was angry that of all the mothers in the world; God chose her as my mother. Seriously? Yeah God sure has a sense of humor and one I certainly didn’t like! Just saying.
Once I forgave her though I started to see things different. While it was a rather lengthy process; I had to stay the course. I had to and so do you. You see my mom is sly; don’t let the walker and nursing home fool you. She lived on the streets for quite some time and she knew how handle things. She knew how to play people. She has street smarts all the while lacking in other areas just like the rest of us. She was doing what she knew; which is what most moms do. They do what they know. And I had to continue to forgive her for all those things that she did because 1) the Bible commands it, 2) the Bible commands it. We are commanded to forgive and to honor our mother and father. Yeah; I looked for clauses and exceptions on that one. Trust me. I didn’t like that whenever she lied to me I had to forgive. When she manipulated me for something I had to forgive. When she committed to move to Dallas from Houston and then changed her mind the day before leaving me with the entire bill I had to forgive. I was the victim all over again; and yet I was required to forgive. Figure that one out. But here’s the thing: things changed.
I started to change. I could have been bitter and resentful; that would have been easy. But that is the lie of the enemy! As I I started to see how my forgiveness was not only softening me I saw it softening her her too. She started to ask questions. She started to care. She asked things like, ‘why are you so nice to me’ which I must say I cried about. (she doesn’t know that though) She stopped being so contrary and screaming at the top of her lungs at me. She actually got out of bed to go the mess hall for breakfast. Then lunch. Finally; dinner. And now; she delivers the mail at the nursing home. She plays bingo. She goes to lunch with the women she used to judge and hate. She attends Bible study. She has a life and for the very first time. Praise God! And when I say praise God I mean that because it’s His Word that rings true every time! We just have to get in alignment with it.
Now I get that your mother is nothing like my mom; praise God! All mothers are different yet still the same. They each have their own journeys, faults, ways of giving and loving, hurts and regrets; and futures to look forward to. It’s when we recognize this then we can get ourselves in position to forgive. We can then be in position to love. And isn’t that just what Jesus has done for us? He met us right where we were and right where we are so that He can do a new thing in our lives? And so when we meet mothers right where they are we can do a new thing in their lives. And let me tell you from personal experience; it’s beautiful. And so is she. My best guess is that your mom is too; you just have to uncover you to let her shine.