Accident Forgiveness Heals Lives
Accidents are part of life. Mistakes happen. There are some that we wish we could take back; but can’t. Forgiveness in accidents is something that people want; but most never achieve. It’s a challenge for those who get into accidents and leave others with brain injuries. Such is the case with Emmit Holt; basketball player for Indiana University.
In a horrific vehicle accident that left his teammate Devin Davis with a brain injury; there is much to overcome. Much for both Devin and Emmit to survive. How does one live with the guilt of knowing what has been done to another person? And one who is a teammate and friend? More people would prefer to die than the suffer life knowing that what was an accident had such an impact. How does one continue on? Could you imagine?
For the case of Emmit Holt; what he needed proved to be something of a gift; or even a miracle in the eyes of many. See; Emmit is still able to play for his team. He will continue on; but his friend and teammate Devin Davis will never be the same. Some will say that neither will Emmit and true that is. When mistakes are made that change people’s lives no one is ever the same. The good news is that there is forgiveness should one be willing to let go of the pain and the bondage that it and unforgiveness brings.
The gift Emmit received was something that I’m sure he will treasure for the rest of his life. What is the gift? forgiveness. Holt said, ‘”The first thing (Davis’) parents did was forgive me,” he said Tuesday. That was the biggest thing for me. I’d hurt their child.”
What a beautiful story! In such a tragedy that has forever changed the lives of many two parents chose to forgive. Could you? Would you? For what reason? The difficulty of forgiveness and the choice to forgive is one that many never choose. Devin Davis’s parents did. They forgave. They now face a new life with their son that no one would have ever been in position to foresee.
As for Emmit Holt he continues with his life. The process of receiving forgiveness from other people is one thing; and now it goes through the process of self-forgiveness. This can be more difficult than receiving forgiveness from others although it’s doable. The good news is that it is there for Emmit and guess what? It’s there for you too. You have the power to forgive others for their mistakes. You too have the power within you to forgive yourself for the accidents and mistakes that you have caused. You are not immune from forgiveness for what you have done in your life. You simply are not.
Take heed on this day and rejoice that forgiveness is alive! It is living well within parents and within communities. There are stories around the world of those who face adversity through tragedy and they overcome. I’m sure you have your story. There is hope for us all and these parents and situation should prove to be an example that there is life after tragedy. There is life with each day we are blessed to arise in the morning to breathe and experience what is to come.
On this day cherish what you have right in front you. Hold tight to your heart and know that people make mistakes. Accidents happen. Forgiveness is not an accident. Forgiveness is a gift that you can be the giver of. Forgiveness is a gift that you too can be the recipient of. Forgiveness simple is right there for you. Don’t take it for granted.
The American lifestyle is one of hurriedness, more products to sustain the ‘I-Life’; eating along the way to making more money. Should it be no wonder why unforigveness and forgiveness aren’t commonly talked about? Who has time for it? But yet; if not talked about what changes will you know of that come after forgiving? Now it’s not to say that those in Israel, Ukraine; or anywhere else in Europe or around the world are any more or less forgiving than Americans; however, a lifestyle of not stopping keeps one from seeing the bigger picture?
So what does happen when one forgives? Does anything change? Of course! There are many things that change after a person forgives. Three things that change when you make the choice to forgive are:
1- Your heart changes. Unforgiveness roots itself in your heart and when that unforgiveness is gone; there is a release. A release for your heart to feel new experiences; to love.
2- Your perspective changes. Nothing is as it was once you forgive. When I forgave my biological mother I learned that she suffered many terrible things in her life. It changed my perspective toward her. I was able to accept her right where she was; regardless of the mistakes she had made. How many people in your life would you see different do you think? You don’t know unless you make the choice to forgive!
3- Your physical body changes. When your body is filled with negative thoughts and spiritual poison; it reacts to it. Dr. Caroline Leaf, who is a cognitive neuroscientist has found that what’s in the mind impacts the body and when choice are made for better or worse; it manifests itself physically. When I made the choice to forgive all those who caused me much pain not only did my voice change but my eye color too. It is not possible to deal with internal issues and not see the outer reflection of them. The opposite is true.
Forgiveness is the one thing that will free you internally. It will change you, your life and those around you. It will soften your heart to see the beauty in others. It will change your perspective to see that perhaps in all of your correctness; you were still wrong. It will change your body so that people see the light that is within you. It will do amazing things if you only you make the choice to forgive. It’s that simple. Forgive. Do it today.
Religion makes people funny. Just think about that. How many conversations get heated over the topic of religion? How many lives are lost because of religion? How many countries in war are lost because of religion? We can see it no more clear today than in previous generations and yet here we are. Forgiveness one day shall reign where brothers and sisters may be able to disagree and still walk together; maybe? Perhaps in a utopia world where Sharia law exists right? And so it goes people want what they want yet still live lives of unforgiveness and wonder why nothing changes. Unforgiveness is an issue of the heart. Period. With a hardened heart no good fruit grows.
In North Carolina, USA students homework assignment answers share that Islam is the fastest growing religion in the world and that Muslims are more faithful than Christians. Do you believe that? You can read about that here: http://dailysignal.com/2014/11/13/mom-questions-school-portraying-muslims-faithful-christians/) And Islam is a religion of peace and Christianity is not; or should it be switched around? It depends on who you ask and then of course will you ever get the right answer because everyone has their own perception of what is right or wrong and therefore; one never really knows anything right?
Around the world there is devastation. The Jewish people suffer persecution. Those in Ukraine are suffering because of a religious war. People in India are suffering. Americans, Canadians, French; are suffering. Christians everywhere are suffering. Muslims are suffering; else why would they do what they do? But then again; why do wicked people anywhere do what they do? People’s hearts and souls are burning daily and yet; they acknowledge it not.
Until people recognize that religion doesn’t save nothing will change. No organization can save a person. It just can’t. The government of China won’t save people. The government of Russia won’t save people. The American government as an entity won’t save people. It is up to each individual person to look in the mirror and reflect inward. Until people see that it isn’t about any religion but rather a relationship with a Creator nothing will change. Until the heart of each person is softened nothing will change. Until forgiveness enters the lives of every person to see the true value and meaning and purpose of life; not one single thing will change. Until the minds of people are renewed; nothing will change. It can’t.
The good news is that you, dear reader, can be that change. It starts with you. It starts with me. What can you do today to begin the change in the world? Your silent acceptance is continuing the pattern. What voice do you have that you can use to change your life, your family, and your nation? What do you have in your heart that begin the change that is desperately needed? Is there forgiveness in there? If you have a heart I believe that there is; it’s just hidden. Uncover yourself, rid yourself of religion, get into a relationship with He who came to set the captives free and you will see the miracles, signs and wonders that will follow.
When talking about forgiveness most people simply think ‘just forgive’; just do it. But is it really that simple? Sure it’s simple to just say some words. People do it all the time. What isn’t so easy is getting the heart and mind in alignment; and then add in the spirit and soul and you can see the complication. The prerequisite for forgiveness then must take another route if the fullness of it is the end goal. So what it is?
What is this prerequisite for forgiveness? Is it conflict resolution? Some say ‘yes’. Is it just letting go? Others say ‘sure’. Some say it’s a choice and while that too is correct it’s incomplete. It starts before the choice is made. What does that even mean you ask?
You see; before you make a choice you have to make a choice to make the choice. Even being indecisive about something is still a choice. Forgiveness requires a choice. Where does that choice start? In the mind! You have to make the decision first that you are going to forgive. This is why just saying a few words means nothing as people daily talk about things they don’t even pay any attention to. If the truly did then would it be even something they would talk about? Probably not.
So in this case; if you want to get to a place of peace through forgiveness you first have to make the choice to get your mind in place to forgive. It took me many years to get there. I was filled with lip service like most. I didn’t know much about forgiveness, what it truly meant, the symptoms or the healing power of it. I know how to just say it-which again didn’t prove much because all the symptoms were still there.
If you want freedom through forgiveness get your mind in order. Don’t live by deceit and default; allowing your mind to play you because trust me; it will. Make today the day that you wrap your mind around the choice to forgive. Then let your heart, spirit and soul feel the outcome of it. Let your life journey never be the same. Let the essence of who you truly are shine. It’s only until then that you will experience life to the full.
The Parable of the 10 Virgins leaves so much for discussion. 10 virgins in total and some that were wise while others were not. On this day I ask you: which virgin are you? Are the one who thought ahead to what may come; or are you the one left at the shut front door? There are many lessons to be learned about thinking and being aware and when it comes to forgiveness; this reigns true once again.
You see; five of the virgins were wise. They planned ahead. They were prepared. They were aware. They had plenty of oil. On the other hand; the other five were foolish. Oh yes the begged those with oil to help them but for why? Why is it the job of anyone else to be accountable for you? I still wonder which of the foolish was the leader but yet in the end does it matter since they all were foolish? The leader of the foolish is still a fool. They proved unprepared, unaware; and unattending. Again I ask: which are you?
Forgiveness is for you. So is unforgiveness. It’s your choice. You can be wise and get through the door. Or; you can be foolish and be left standing without. The battle for forgiveness is just that; a battle. It is one that will cause you to be aware of you, of the situation; the consequences and the bigger impact that it will have on your life if you are not paying attention.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to see where you are, where you are going; and what you want to achieve. Then when you add to it that the enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy you will be better able to stand your guard and see that if you choose unforgiveness you ultimately choose death. You side with the enemy and will lose yourself to the battle that maybe you know is evident. That is if you are paying attention.
Don’t be deceived. You are in a battle. You just are. You have value, a purpose and if you let unforgiveness reign then you will end up on the wrong side of the door with the foolish virgins. And who has time for that?
Forgiveness is something abstract to many in the church and the unchurched alike. Some think it’s just something that happens over time while others think it’s just lip service; and yet still others just don’t think about it because well; why give it time or energy. There is much on the topic of forgiveness although it’s quite common to hear people say there isn’t much on the topic. They are correct for the level of time and energy they have put into wanting to learn about it and grow from it. So the question is where does forgiveness begin? The heart? The Mind? The neighbor? Where does forgiveness begin?
Forgiveness begins in the mind. There is no other place for it to start. Sure one may argue in the heart although if the heart and mind are not in alignment; then there is dissent within. And this is where most live. They live in internal struggle of what forgiveness is and where to begin to get internal freedom.
It’s really that simple. It starts in the mind. You have to make the choice. You have choose to to align your mind with what it is that you want to achieve. It is up to you. No one can do it for you. No one but you. It is up to you to decide where in life you want to go and the choice to forgive is no different.
You see; people believe the lie that time heals all wounds. No it doesn’t. It’s absurd to think that just because you are 10 years older you are just healed because a decade past. Time does not heal wounds. Dealing with them does. One only need to see how many angry people there are still fighting and angry that they didn’t inherit mother’s china when she died. That in and of itself should be proof that time doesn’t do anything but steal what could have been different.
So on this day; this day that is yours think about what you are choosing. Think carefully because every decision you make begins in your mind. Don’t waste a second, minute or hour not thinking. Make the choice in the moment to forgive.
If you are alive you have probably been hurt; and if you are not are probably an hour old and not reading this. Forgiveness is the one thing in life that will free or trap you quicker than most realize. So how do you get freedom through forgiveness? What does it do for you?
Forgiveness is a choice. It is a conscious effort to choose to let the sins and mistakes of others not burden you. If you are a Christian it is a display of obedience to Him above all. It is an act of love not only to the person that hurt you, but to yourself and of course to Jesus Christ. It is saying that “I love You more than I hate the mistakes others have made that hurt me. Therefore I forgive.’
It is easy to make the choice to forgive? Nope. I would by lying if I said it was. Unforgiveness was something I struggled with for many years of my life. I harbored all of it. I was hurt from the abandonment from my biological mother, the abuse from my adoptive family and on it went. I didn’t know it though. Most don’t either. They live in the deception of the ‘Oh I forgave’ yet the exhibit ‘all’ of the 30 symptoms of unforgiveness! Yes there really are that many and I have taught on each of them. The choice is yours. Do you want freedom for your future? Or do you want to stay where you are?
It’s really that simple. Forgiveness free. Unforgiveness is unforgiving. It’s unrelenting. It comes in the night like the thief to kill, steal, and destroy. And it does. When you make the choice to forgive though guess what? You are no longer bound to any enemy on the prowl for your soul. No not you. You are free to live. You are free to move toward your future in unimaginable ways. And how do I know? I am living proof!
The enemy comes to kill, steal and destroy. There is no doubt there is a bounty for your life. Every day there is an attack in new ways and if you are not watchful; you will be the next victim. Unforgiveness is the trap that steals your life without your knowledge; without you even having a clue that your life is slipping you by.
So the question is: is unforgiveness defeating you? Do you even know? Here are the tell-tale signs that unforgiveness has a foothold in your life:
1. You are living in a victim mentality. Everyone has been hurt; and you are not exception. If you are living in that mentality of what others have done this is a clear sign. You can choose to be a victim or victor but rest assured being powerful and pitiful at the same time cannot work! When you make the choice to forgive; your life will change.
2. Bitterness Reigns. Many people are deceived into thinking they are not bitter; when in fact everyone around them can see it, hear it, and feel it. Bitterness is spiritual poison and will rot the bones. Heck; even Harvard completed a study in 2009 with findings that unforgiveness and bitterness is linked to arthritis. If you have arthritis perhaps there is someone you need to forgive. When you harbor bitterness you are ineffective because people just don’t like being around bitter people. If you don’t want to live defeated; simply forgive.
3. Missed Opportunities or blessings. When people harbor unforgiveness their lives are defeated and those they could and should be a blessing to miss out. If you are not living your life with all the opportunities and blessings that are there for you there is a reason. It isn’t just ‘luck’ or ‘misfortune’ as it just isn’t. There is a reason. In my life I wasn’t ministering to all the people that I was supposed to be for that exact reason. I was blocking myself from receiving blessings and being a blessing to others. Once I learned the impact of unforgiveness everything changed.
Very simply put; unforgiveness kills. It steals much more than you can imagine and with over 30 symptoms of unforgiveness you may find that this is why you are not living to your full potential. If you think you have ‘no’ unforgiveness pray about that. I was there too and it wasn’t until I learned the truth that I was set free. I thought just saying I forgive was all I needed to do until I learned that it’s not lip service; but more. And don’t you want more of everything good in your life? Of course! So make today the day that nothing more is stolen from your life. You will be glad you did.
Forigveness is hard. Forgiveness of self for most is even harder. We all make mistakes. None are immune. Perhaps you are one who had an abortion, perhaps cheated; or even scammed employees out of their retirement. None of this? Maybe you killed someone while driving drunk or just murdered someone in a gang bang or drive by. Regardless of the mistakes you have made; there is hope and a future for you. The impact of self- forgiveness is something unimaginable until you have truly been there.
It’s not about just reciting a bunch of affirmations to say ‘I forgive myself’ and yippy yay. No. It is much much deeper than this. It is about the revelation and acceptance that 1) you make mistakes, 2) ‘How did I not know better’ will keep you in bondage, 3) ‘If only’ is a lie and trap, 4) you can and will move forward in life. The impact you will have after the fact will not only change you; but those around you and those around them and those around them.
It is hard to grasp at times what we as people do. Some things are harder to grasp than others. We all can look back on our lives and probably find something to regret- but why? It will keep you only replaying it day after day. Regret should have no part of your future. Forgiveness of self though should.
You are you right where you are although the question is: is it the real you? Are you really the you that your Creator intended? If you are harboring self-unforgiveness for the mistakes you have made you are not living. You just aren’t. You can’t. You are not living as the you that you were created to be. And isn’t it time?
Isn’t it time that you let go of the shame of the past? The condemnation and guilt? The regret? The embarrassment? The loss? The lack and all that comes with it? Isn’t it time to stop living in diminishing returns to get to your real life- the one that is and has been waiting for you?
You can have peace. It’s yours for the taking. It’s been there. Victory is yours all you have to do is fight to get to it; not for it. What are you waiting for? One more mistake to make so that you can fulfill your self prophecy? That doesn’t make sense. You were created for much more than that. You were fearfully and wonderfully made. Make today that you forgive yourself so that you can see that. Make today the day that you disallow anything to come upon your life that is a lie. Make today the day that you start living as you were created to be. You will be overjoyed that you did.
People and society will always have an opinion; whether a good one or not is really not relevant. It’s moreso the fact that others think that they have your life figured out when in reality they can’t even function in their own lives.
Society will always try to change you by telling you what you ‘should’ do. The media does it and people don’t get it. There once was a time when the purpose of the media was to report the news; those days are gone. Now the media just makes the news instead because people are proving incapable of making decisions for themselves.
And so it goes you have been deceived. You probably have been told what you should wear for the next season. You have been told what car you should drive; what neighborhood you should live in. You probably have been told that by now you should at least be married, if not already divorced with three kids you never wanted in the first place. Oh and you should have at least a BA or BS but in today’s world you really should think about getting that MBA if you expect to go anywhere in your career.
Yep. I heard it all. I heard all the shoulds known to man. I dated the man who actually told me, ‘You should dress like her, talk like her, and wear your hair like her. Then you would be beautiful.’ You should have seen his face when I walked out and never looked back. And don’t tell me I should have; unless it was just to see the look on his face. But I already knew.
So it begs the question: are you living the life you should be living? Or are you living the life others think you should be living? It’s a tough question I know. I once was there. I had the Bible teacher tell me that at age 37 I should have a teeanager because that is where I ‘should’ have been. There is a systematic order to how life goes you see. Yeah sure. I see the misery on the faces of all the people who followed what others said they should do. It goes the way it is supposed to go for each of us and it’s only until we stop the shoulds that we can be free.
If you are trapped into living what others think stop. Forgive yourself and do it quick. You don’t want to live for others who aren’t even doing it for themselves. That doesn’t even make sense. You are where you are and while it may not be where you want to be; you are the one to change that. No one else. Forgive yourself for falling into the trap that thinking the boring house in the suburbs will answer all your questions when in actuality you are miserable but just biting your tongue waiting to escape. Forgive yourself for not being true to who you were created to be. Life is short so don’t let another day go by where you think about what you should do instead of just doing it.
We all are where we are and the best part is that no one else can get you where you should be except for you. So today; where do you want to go? Where do you want to go that you know you should have gone back then? There is nothing stopping you; no more coulds or shoulds. Just you. Get out of your way, forgive, and get to where you are going! You can do it. How do I know? Because I did.