The Lost Art of Conversation
Maybe you remember it; it was the called ‘conversation’. People did it at neighbors homes, at the park; in line at the grocery store. It’s time to reclaim it; unless it’s too late.
If you are one who relishes the time when getting to know someone meant a face to face interaction you are in good company. If you remember phone calls you are in good company. It seems now; nothing is face to face nor is it even verbal. While many of you gadget lovers out there may say I am old fashioned know that there are still some things you can’t do through texting; and those that you can do may not be the best. Let me break it down:
1-Read non verbal communication. Studies still reveal that 93% of daily communication is nonverbal. You are missing the truth of what someone is saying when you get away from the face-to face conversation.
2- Build intimate relationships: Yes I am aware people may argue this but how many people are actually getting engaged and celebrating their weddings through texting?
3- Grow business. A few years ago my then hair stylist thought it was a good idea to communicate all of her advertising, appointments; and other pertinent information via text. Needless to say that didn’t last long! If you idea of business is without ever having a conversation you may want to reflect as to whether or not you should even be in business.
4- Get a job. Sure you may be able to text 957,302 words per minute but so what? Can you actually answer the question in the interview, ‘how do you resolve conflict’ without needing to look down to text it? Effective communication skills are really a vital skill regardless of your texting abilities. Want a promotion? I’m sure that too will require ability to speak to others. Ironically; did you know that the two skills college graduates lack that employers want above all are written and verbal communication skills?
Some other things that aren’t the best are:
1- Texting while driving. Duh-big red truck. Just the other day I was driving and looked to my right and immediately felt I was in a scene from the Bourne series as the driver was driving a vehicle that came from Goa and portrayed the demeanor of those in that car chase scene. He was flamboyantly carrying on his texting conversation and the ‘oops’ hit the car in front of him. Good thing we were parked at a light right? Well; not necessarily. There was no damage so the driver let him off and then guess what- the next light- he almost did it again. It’s apparent that the wake-up call for some needs to be a bit louder to get the message. Let’s hope that people like this drive into walls instead of other cars so as not to hurt or kill innocent people.
2- Texting while walking. If you ever go to Wal-Mart you probably know the parking lot is a dangerous place. Why on earth people would dare to walk through any Wal-Mart parking lot while texting is crazy! Two young people were almost run over because it never occurred to them to look up when walking.
3- Acquiring a girlfriend or boyfriend. If the purpose of dating is to get to know someone; if the belief is that texting only to build a relationship is going to work this could be a reason why you are single. Texting may work to coordinate plans but if no one ever picks up the phone to have a conversation; how far is that relationship actually going to go? For many women; if a man is not able to dial the number and call her she will lose interest quicker than the Cowboys lose a football game. (Sorry but it’s true!)
To to the art of the conversation it’s quite simple. Check it out:
1- Put down the phone. Isn’t the person you want to get to know more important than your germ infested phone?
2- Look at the person. Doesn’t the person giving you his or her time at least deserve that?
3- Listen. Yes this is a tricky one since people have lost ability to do that since they text so much. Listen is where you show eye contact, paraphrase what the person is saying, ask questions; respond. You will be amazed to what you learn from focusing on something and not some gadget.
4- Recognize that that could be the last time you ever see that person again. See friends; we take too much for granted. We have lost our way and it’s terribly sad. We as a society have become so engrossed in all the things unimportant that what is most important and waiting for us is just ignored. How many of you have people you have lost in your life that you would love to have back? I’m sure there are many that would as their lives were gone much too soon. We can learn that lesson from Paul Walker who was recently laid to rest.
None of have any guarantees of life after this very moment. You may have the coolest phone but wouldn’t you prefer to have the coolest friends and the coolest memories with them? I know I do! I would venture to say that getting time with them and having conversation is probably the best first step to take. It’s not that you are building memories staring at your screen while your chin falls lower each day. You can though; be building those memories of time spent together having meaningful conversations. So go now; and use your phone for something productive and schedule time with someone!
The storm hit Dallas and lingered for longer than anyone truly expected. It’s on its way east and north and will do its damage there too. Another one is expected to come again. It shouldn’t be a shock as it is winter; and also I blogged a few months ago that it was reported more than once that this wold be the coldest and stormiest winter on record. We shall see how we fare and ask how have you fared?
Were you prepared? Did you have your extra supply of everything? Was your pantry stocked? Generator ready just in case? Extra flashlights, blankets, water; the necessities? For most probably not. It’s just the weather right? What struck me in this storm is some of the news reports and what I saw in in action.
What was nice was to see the report on the news was people trying to help each other out of the ice in the middle of the road. That’s dangerous 1) to be out there in the first place, 2) even more dangerous to get out of a vehicle to help others when it’s clear no one knows how to drive on ice. It’s a blessing that those good samaritans didn’t get hit! The story was nice and begs the question why it has to be a tragedy or storm that brings people together?
On the other side; I noticed that neighbors where I live weren’t really out helping each other. They were out; but not not helping one another. If you recall when you were a kid neighbors were out, they shoveled the walks of their elderly neighbors; they checked on one another. Where have these days gone? Perhaps you are fortunate to live in one such neighborhood. I have asked others that I know how many of their neighbors they saw or offered help; or that they helped and not one said they interacted with anyone. Nope. Everyone just kept to themselves. Sad.
I have to say that it struck a chord with me. I admit that I wasn’t one who had to have all the ice cleared to get to work Monday morning so I didn’t think much about it; and that’s the problem. I didn’t think. I didn’t look outward enough to see that I have neighbors who would have benefited from my help. I have neighbors that I could have done something more. I’m sure you do too.
You never know when you will need someone next to you. Sure you may be blessed with a husband and kids but what about those who are single, elderly; or not able? Who are they relying on? Wouldn’t it be nice to know your neighbor and know that while you may not have much to offer; your something small is better than nothing large?
I can certainly tell you that never again am I going to put myself in a position to not be of help to others. It’s not that I wasn’t there if needed; but in reality I didn’t make myself available which essentially is the same thing. How about you? What could you have done or be doing-0r get prepared to do for someone else? Maybe it’s have an extra snow shovel on hand, salt for the driveway, or even loaf of bread; it doesn’t matter what it is it’s more of the fact that you are forward thinking of others instead of reactive thinking of yourself.
It’s a lesson to learn and in some ways an embarrassing one; although one that is definitely life changing. And wouldn’t we all benefit from what we could do and a little life change?
The holidays are known to bring three things to people: cheer, stress; and sadness. If you see the holidays in a different light perhaps hope can be added to list.
For many who have families it’s a time of gathering and enjoyment. Cheer is among them. Sometimes you want to just trip them in all their happiness; although it wouldn’t matter because they are just happy. It’s a shame that it isn’t like that every day of the year and that it boils down to this one day but I digress.
The stress of the holidays is something that is quite fascinating to me. Christmas comes the same day each year so it’s not like people don’t have time to plan. It’s no surprise that it’s on the calendar and while it may seem that it comes quicker each year; does it? Maybe implementing a better plan in July would be of help to alleviate the stress so that life can be more cheerful. Maybe? Or maybe it’s just the stress that is part of the holiday celebration. If that is the case you can have it!
Lastly; the sadness that is evident everywhere is something that can’t not be discussed. There are many who have no one, family is far away; finances are tight; the weather is as cold as the hearts of passersby. I could go on but you get the idea. It makes sense that this would be a time that many would prefer to sleep through with a bottle of gin. I certainly get it.
You see; I experienced time in my life being the outsider. I was placed in a homeless shelter at age 15 and nothing I knew was the same. I was in a place in the world where I was alone. Alone. Alone for many years on the inside. And guess what? I survived! And you will too!
I met my biological family years later and it was an adjustment without a doubt. Each family and person has their own ideas of the holidays and they all bring their own expectations to the table. This- is the largest problem. Having an expectation of what something should be when it’s not what it is is only a set up for failure. I lived it. I created something in my mind to be what I thought would make me happy and guess what? When others didn’t meet my expectation of it I was not happy. Go figure.
If this is you make this Christmas a good one. You don’t have to have a bunch of stressed out family members to enjoy the holiday. You just don’t. You don’t have to focus on the loss of family members for the 10th year when you could be celebrating instead the life you had with them. Life goes on and living in the past doesn’t help you go forward.
You don’t have to bask in racking up more debt for gifts for people you don’t want to buy for or can’t afford. You just don’t. It’s a scam. Why spend the next year paying off debts that need not be?
You don’t have to live in hopelessness because you think you are alone. You are not. There is One who is with you regardless of whether you want to acknowledge Him. He is there and He always has been. It took me a very long time to grasp that. Once I did my life changed.
For you there is hope. There is hope for a future. There is hope for magnificent brightness in your life. Christmas is but is one day that comes and goes and if you really do your research you may be surprised as to what you learn about the holiday itself. You are too good to wallow over what you don’t have as I am sure you have more to celebrate than you think. Once I got over myself I realized I did.
I came to the reality years ago that I had the choice to be hopeful or hopeless and I chose hope. Hopelessness leads to defeatedness and there is no way I am going to live defeated because of one holiday that isn’t even about what most people celebrate it to be. How about you? You can too live in hope and bring it to others.
You can be where ever you are and be a light. You can be the smile that others never see. You can be the merry person you are just because you choose to be. I’m sure if you look around there is something with less then you. Less family, less presents, less income; less of everything. I’m sure those with less are still smiling- and isn’t it time that you put on your cape of hope and stand tall and know that this too shall pass? Because my friend; it always does.
Life is hard; there is no doubt. People lose their jobs, they dump each other with no explanation, they can’t drive in bad weather; credit card interest rates increase, parents age. Fast food isn’t food. Life is just not the bowl of cherries that most thought it was.
As a result people start living in ‘Once I’. I’m sure you know how it goes: ‘Once I am married life will be great. Once the kids are gone we will travel. Once I get my promotion my career will be on track. Once I win American Idol I will be someone. Once I pay off my credit cards I can get that new vehicle. Once I lose weight I will be pretty. Once I buy a house…….’
The sad thing about living in this mindset is that it’s a trap. There will always be something after the one ‘Once I’ that keeps you where you are. What if instead of ‘Once I’ it was changed to ‘I am’?
‘I am living life for today. I am great as a single person. I am traveling even though I have children. I am enjoying my career now. I am someone. I am……’
I fell into the trap too. I used to think that once I graduated with my degree that life would begin. I used to think that once I started my career as a speech professor that life would be great. I used to think that once I made my first million that everything would be easier. I used to think that that once I met the wonderful man God has for me life would be complete. I used to think that once I got to the next place that life would be better than it was. In reality; it only proved that I was never living in the moment of where I actually was or am.
So what about you? What are you not seeing that you could be because you are living for a place you are not even at or don’t know if you will ever get to? Are you living in ‘Once I’ thinking that it will be better? And what about it will be so? You will still be who you are although just perhaps more of it. Why not spend the time today living for what and who you are becoming instead of waiting for a perpetual cycle of ‘Once I”s that never end? In the end you will see there is more life in it than what you have thought!
Thanksgiving has come and gone. It’s time now for people to start really freaking out about Christmas. The stress kicks in to high gear and the preparations are a must. So much to do so little time; never a moment to stop as it would be a crime. Such a shame that people live not only the holidays like this; but every day of the year.
How are you living? Are you living daily? Are you living for a maybe one day? Or perhaps a someday? In the end by living this way aren’t you just short living? There is no living in living for something that may be at some point but never is in the now. The recent too soon death of Paul Walker from ‘Fast and Furious’ at only age 40 should be a wake up call and question for us all. Ask yourself, ‘Am I living?’ Or is more like just just one day closer to death? There is a difference in case you did not know.
What are some things you can do today to start living? Simple:
1- Pay attention to what you pay attention to. This one simple thing can put everything into the right perspective. While you can’t get more than 24 hours in a day; you can cut out things that don’t bring fruit and get time in other areas.
2- Embrace those next to you. You never know when they or you will be gone. Wouldn’t you hate to forget to say and do what would mean the most when you had the chance?
3- Live according to your own motto. Others will always have opinions about what you do; however, you are the only one living with the consequences of what you do and don’t do. Start living your life for you as you can’t live it for others.
4- Enjoy it. If you are not enjoying your life; why not? You have the power to choose to make the change. If you struggle in figuring out what you would enjoy make a list of things you would like to try; and then go for it! You won’t regret all the things you never try.
5- Give your life to Jesus. You never know when your time is up and while you may not think you need Him; you would hate to learn after the fact that you actually did. You may not believe me; and that is ok. I just would not be doing you a service but not sharing the fact that life is short and Jesus is there; waiting for you. Yes I’m sure you are the most wonderful person in the world; but it still doesn’t mean anything more than this.
Every day we are reminded that life is short. It is fleeting. It goes by faster even though each 24 hours is still 24 hours and now is the time to reflect on this day what you are doing with each of your 24 hours. I know for me personally; I want to do more. I want to live more, share more, give more, love more, eat more finer foods; be more and build more. How about you?
Maybe you have been there for a visit; or perhaps you still live there. The land of “I was’ is a haunted place that keeps people trapped. People there have difficult ever leaving because “I Was” brings comfort. It’s familiar. It’s a boasting point. It’s what always was and has become what is; even though in reality it is not.
It is a trap that keeps the most brilliant in need of a mental makeover. So I ask: how brilliant are you? How ready are you to move to a new place?
You see you may think you are; ready to move but know that it isn’t easy. It requires looking forward. It requires letting go of the time when you were the most popular girl or boy in school. It requires you realizing that you are not a size 0 and that you don’t have 2% body fat. It requires you getting the reality check that you aren’t 25 and can’t binge drink or dance on the bar all night. It requires you to get over the fact that you were abused as a kid. You are no different than the 240million of the rest us that were abused too. It requires you making the choice to mentally catch up to yourself to recognize that the land of ‘I Was’ is no longer. Nope. It is gone. Now is the land of ‘I Am’ waiting should you be so strong.
I too had to leave the Land of ‘I Was’; else I would have died. I had all the proverbial symptoms of entrapment to a slow death; slithering with each thought, word; and action. I was destitute in my own thinking. I was living what I knew in the Land of ‘I Was’ because it was after all; what I knew.
I now know better. I live in the beautiful land of ‘I Am’. It brings much life. It brings many things that the former can not ever bring and so I share with you a few so that you too can see what you can grasp if only you take the step.
In the Land of ‘I Was’ I was lost, a victim, abused hurt, unforgiving, bound, resentful, broke, friendless; trapped in the deception of what I didn’t know or couldn’t possibly understand all based upon the past.
In the Land of ‘I Am’ I realize I am a victor, prosperous, joyful, loving, a friend, compassionate, redeemed; and who I was created to be all based upon my present and future.
You see; living in the past serves no purpose to anyone; not even yourself. Living in the present prepares you for your future. Wouldn’t you rather be here today going forward than attempting to live in a yesterday that’s gone? I know I sure do!
I recently heard a story about a man who taught children in small village in Africa. The children loved learning even though their learning supplies were quite sparse. So sparse in fact the only thing the children had was a pencil and paper. No; there were no ipads, androids, televisions; or anything else. Simply a pencil and sheet of paper.
The teacher asked one student to borrow his pencil and the student willingly obliged. Later that afternoon the student needed it back and the teacher not recognizing its importance realized he misplaced it. He did manage to replace it to the child and reflected for a moment about what it must mean to that student to have only one pencil.
While its simply a pencil; it was the only one the child had. To him it meant everything. To the teacher; it was disposable so its value wasn’t the same.
Looking at that for a moment; how often in life do we only have one but take it for granted? One spouse instead of a new one tomorrow. One vehicle instead of trading in for the newer model. One good friend instead of thousands of facebook falsies. One life to live instead now instead of waiting for one day. The only one you have is the only one you have.
For the child the pencil was the only one he had therefore he cherished it. He carried it with pride. That pencil had a special place in his heart. It was after all; the only one he had.
In your life; what is the only one you have? Is it your spouse? Your dog? Your best friend? I challenge you to reflect for a moment about living life without it; and then start living like it’s the only one you have.
The strength of a man is something to be appreciated; noticed. It is not something to diminish or reduce to yesterdays trash; yet that is appearing to be what is occurring all around us.
Take a look around. What do you see? Men being emasculate everywhere. Commercials from Jack in the Box show a woman pushing a baby carriage with two grown men wearing bonnets and holding rattles and Dairy Queen only prove the point. The Dairy Queen commercial shows young girl passes on an ice cream with her mom only to sit down and have the DQ employee give her an ice cream, telling her it’s from the young boy wearing “the donkey shirt.” She smiles at the boy and turns to her mom to say, “It’s like shooting fish in a barrel.”
Should it be any wonder why men don’t trust women? It takes strength for men to do nice things for women and there certainly is not anything wrong with men trusting women; yet commercials just strip it away and show men as nothing more than ignorant idiots who are like kleenex: soft, strong and disposable.
Schools are even in on the fun where some now don’t allow boys to have basketballs, footballs; or any other sporting ball on campus because they will get hurt. How can a boy build strength to become the man what women want?
See; this is not about blame. It is not about blaming women for taking away all the manhood that once existed. It is not that. It is the heart of men and the heart of women to stop the madness. Men were created with strength. They were created to conquer and blow stuff up. They were created to open jars and doors for women; and there is nothing wrong with this.
The issue is that love is lacking. Until it is recognized that men have value things won’t change. Until it is recognized that it is not ok to call men stupid, degrade them or disregard them things will not improve. How could they? Until the feminism of men is stopped it will certainly not benefit society. Women want to date and marry men, they want to love men and celebrate men for who and what they are and if society does nothing to stand up for men then who will?
It’s time that those who are men stand up; eat man food and wear man jeans. It’s time for those who claim they follow Jesus to act like He did. It’s time for those who say they love men to truly show it by letting them be. There is nothing more attractive than the strength of a man and being able to see that is something we don’t want to miss out on because without men; where would we be?
While it may seem like woman have made advances in being treated human; it’s clear that this really isn’t the case. Around the world women are still treated as second class citizens, paid less, demeaned to administrative roles in the church; and the list goes on. When will women be seen as the beautiful, intelligent, creative; and thriving people that they were created to be? What will it take for women to not be continually oppressed and suppressed on a global scale?
It’s everywhere in culture. Commercials make nothing more of women than scantily clad high priced hookers while others show just how much women hate each other. Television shows elevate women as being nothing more than a’trophy’ wife as that is all she is worth? Why is this acceptable? Why is it funny to see such filth at Meet the Millers and have women call themselves terrible names with audiences finding it funny? Why are not both women and men outraged at the treatment of it? Why is no one seeing it and not finding it funny?
Understand that this is not about blame. It is not about men beating women down. It simply is not. It is more about a change of heart to see the reality of where women are and continue to be; along with the fight they go through just to be recognized as something more than a sex object and cook.
Women are not correct in the battle either as there are those who are feminists who cry out for woman power yet use their platform to annihilate Sara Palin every chance they get; only because she is not like them. Both parties are guilty and something needs to change. Love needs to happen.
In Saudi Arabia women suffer. They suffer daily. They continue to experience injustice and in ways that American women could never imagine. The latest is the number of Saudi women who are fined for driving vehicles. There is a ban for women to be able to drive a car. “Police stopped six women driving in Riyadh, and fined them 300 riyals ($80) each,” said the capital’s police deputy spokesman, Colonel Fawaz al-Miman. While the monarchy is the only country in the world where women are barred from driving; it doesn’t mean that there aren’t other women in other countries who are not even considered worthy of anything.
The point overall is that women have value. Woman were not created as second class citizens. Women were not created to just lie on their backs for the benefit of men whenever they need their fix. Women were not created to have no mind, no thoughts; no opinions. They just weren’t.
It was women who traveled with Jesus. It was women who were there when the tomb was open. It was women who stood when there were no men. Perhaps looking at them through different eyes one will be better able to appreciate God’s creation and not mans’ destruction.
(mans’ destruction does not equate gender in the final sentence.)
I’m asking you! Sure it may be the economy that has you down; or a myriad of things that can be reasons but it still is a question for reflection.