3 Reasons to Forgive the Past
The past is over yet people for some reason enjoy living there. Forgiving the past is hard. It’s hard to let go of how great you were, how popular you were; or even how tiny you were or muscly you were. It’s hard to forgive it. It’s hard to look forward though when you haven’t forgiven your past. It has brought you to where you are today so be thankful for what it is. It’s over.
When you make the choice to let go of the past you will live in freedom. Three main reasons to forgive the past are simple:
1- It served its purpose. The past came and went; like that Gucci handbag that you once thought was cool. It too served its purpose. The past is no longer and so forgive it for being perhaps not the best. Forgive and say ‘thank you’ and move on. You are better off moving toward your future without your past! At least I know I am!
2- It isn’t where you are going. Unless you are going backward then your past is not where you are going. You are moving forward and your past is not. This is unless you continue to live in. Many people choose to live on Last Year or Last Decade Lane by why? You will never see where you are going if you spend more time looking back. One only need to be reminded of Lot’s wife who turned to look back. You don’t want to be a pillar of salt now do you? Then don’t look back to what isn’t part of your future. It’s not worth it!
3- It will keep you in bondage. Bondage and baggage are two twins to get rid of; and quickly! Your past has come and gone and you trying to hold on to it will only keep you living it- repeatedly. When you make the choice to get rid of it and to be free and forgive it you will truly be moving on toward the greatness that is within you- especially if you are a Believer that greatest is in you!
Holding on to your past hinders your future. Until you forgive your past and let it die and then die to self; your life won’t be what you truly want it to be. It can’t. You are in your own way. And you my dear friend are worth more. Your future is worth more than your past. You are worth more at this very moment; more than you realize. So let it go. Forgive. Let it die. And then say welcome to your future you fabulous you!
If you are alive you have probably been hurt; and if you are not are probably an hour old and not reading this. Forgiveness is the one thing in life that will free or trap you quicker than most realize. So how do you get freedom through forgiveness? What does it do for you?
Forgiveness is a choice. It is a conscious effort to choose to let the sins and mistakes of others not burden you. If you are a Christian it is a display of obedience to Him above all. It is an act of love not only to the person that hurt you, but to yourself and of course to Jesus Christ. It is saying that “I love You more than I hate the mistakes others have made that hurt me. Therefore I forgive.’
It is easy to make the choice to forgive? Nope. I would by lying if I said it was. Unforgiveness was something I struggled with for many years of my life. I harbored all of it. I was hurt from the abandonment from my biological mother, the abuse from my adoptive family and on it went. I didn’t know it though. Most don’t either. They live in the deception of the ‘Oh I forgave’ yet the exhibit ‘all’ of the 30 symptoms of unforgiveness! Yes there really are that many and I have taught on each of them. The choice is yours. Do you want freedom for your future? Or do you want to stay where you are?
It’s really that simple. Forgiveness free. Unforgiveness is unforgiving. It’s unrelenting. It comes in the night like the thief to kill, steal, and destroy. And it does. When you make the choice to forgive though guess what? You are no longer bound to any enemy on the prowl for your soul. No not you. You are free to live. You are free to move toward your future in unimaginable ways. And how do I know? I am living proof!
There is nothing in society that will give you value. It can’t. How can a society that doesn’t know its own value give you value? The great news is that you truly do not need the things of society to have value. It took me a long time to realize that; and once I did I was free!
If you find yourself trapped in a lifestyle that doesn’t truly reflect who you are change it. What are you scared of? The judgments of others who are too scared to do it? Scared of the unknown? Scared of failing? Scared of success? So what- do it anyway. You will never know until you do.
Years ago I listened to a man in Australia tell me that while he made tons of money at his job, had 3 months of vacation time per year; and lived so close to the beach all he ever wanted to do was be a gym teacher. Here was a man with a dream. He is no different than you are I. He was a man who wanted something that was not even close to what he had- and on the outside he had a lot! He shared with me that because of what he had gained in his career he then had to continue to maintain it and as a result he lost himself. He was trapped. He was miserable. He was like many people today. Maybe you can relate.
The wonderful news is that while you may be able to relate; you don’t have to live one more day aggressively trying to attain something that isn’t in your hearts deepest core. You don’t have to suffer the days of your life trying to maintain something that isn’t your passion; your calling or your destiny. You just don’t. You see; you were created for much more. You my dear friend were wonderfully made for something. You have value. You have more probably than you think.
So in a society that is as lost as the fall leaves blowing to and fro; the entrapment of life will take one. One day at a time until it’s slow slithering death rests inside of you. What does society have to offer you? Nothing. It can’t maintain or contain you but it most certainly will drain you. That is until you see the value inside of you. Until you see that you have the value that can only come from you. Society needs your value more than you need its value. When you see and receive that- your entire life will change. I know mine sure did. It was time for me to stand up on and for the value that I had. Isn’t it time for you to do the same?
I would like to know who created normal in society. What makes one person more normal than another? What’s the normal scale? Are you normal if you drive a BMW and like football? Or are you just normal because you are a uniquely created individual and because all of us are different we are all normal? If you have rejected yourself for not being what you thought you should be; forgive yourself. I went through it too.
You see; there is nothing normal about me. I had to get to a place of recognizing this and accepting it. Those that know me best know this. I lived in a foster home, adoptive home, numerous other homes and even a homeless shelter by age 15. That is not normal. I looked like a boy until 9th grade. I was asked out by girls who thought I was a boy. Not normal.
I’ve had dinner with the Detroit Red Wings and sat in owners box seats at the Stanley Cup finals even though I am not even a Red Wings fan. My former client list of professional athletes is not normal. I find that west coast swing dancing and scuba diving are two of the easiest things I have done. And that; apparently is not normal.
My normal is low maintenance but most don’t believe that. I wear skirts because I can’t find shorts that fit. I wear heels because flats hurt my feet. I really do only wash my hair every four day because I can’t be bothered to do it daily. It looks best on day 4. My norm is put together style in less than 30 minutes with bargain clothes as I don’t spend full price on anything. Why would I? I am not the norm. And you probably are not either so forgive yourself for trying to be.
I was beat up by my parents and bullied in high school. I learned how to fight and how to break noses in one simple move. That too is probably not normal. I was called a band fag for playing clarinet in marching band. I raced motorcycles and shot rifles as a kid. I dated the honor society and chess team boys in high school. That was not normal.
I’ve been given cars as gifts. That’s not normal. I’ve had more sets of parents and have suffered more loss than most ever will in their entire lives and that is not normal.
I even host a television show and there is nothing normal about that. I will drive a mile out of the way for a Pepsi because I don’t like Coke. I will not eat before I spend money on bad food and I actually love playing the game spoons. I love having people over to cook mass quantities of pasta with fresh ingredients from scratch. That’s not normal so I’ve been told.
My norm is my norm. I had to forgive society for trying to mold me into something I wasn’t. I had to forgive the church for trying to mold me into looking like what a Christian is supposed to look like. You know; quiet while wearing flats. I had to forgive myself for trying to be normal in a society that isn’t even normal itself. I had to forgive myself for not just celebrating me in the image I was created in. And if you haven’t yet done so; do it. You will find that you are more normal than anyone would ever honestly share with you.
Forgiveness is like nothing else in the world. It gives and spreads like love in paradise. It’s like the high when you have that twinkle in your eye about someone you met and like; and can’t wait to see again. It’s the beauty in life that continues the more you give it. It’s one of those things that until you truly grasp it, hold it, experience and live it- you can’t possibly understand.
I didn’t get it. I didn’t get that high or love until I learned forgiveness. I had no twinkle in my eye but rather a plank, along with many other things that kept me impoverished. It wasn’t until I learned how to forgive that my life was changed and I was free. Forgiveness is many things and in my first episode of ‘Living in Forgiveness’ I talked about what forgiveness is. Today; I share with you the how it gives you power in the easiest of ways.
1- Forgiveness opens your heart. With an open heart you can accomplish anything! The wounds of the past are no longer in control. You are free indeed.
2- Forgiveness opens your eyes. You will be able to see that people are people and they do what they know. What they don’t know is what can hurt the most. What you don’t know can hurt you too. I didn’t know the truth about my biological mother being told by our case worker that if she didn’t sell me to him for 10k he would make sure she never saw me again. Once I learned that; my eyes were opened. I saw for the truth and it’s the truth that makes us free.
3- Forgiveness puts you in the drivers seat. When you forgive you are disallowing any person and his or her burden to have any impact upon you. You have power unlike any other when you make the choice to forgive.
4- Forgiveness gives you peace. It’s a sickening thought when you realize the person who hurt you is living his or her life in joy all the while you are suffering. There is no peace in suffering; only silent turmoil. When you forgive you have peace. Inner peace. Peace to live and peace to be free. There is power in peace that comes from forgiveness.
5- Forgiveness gives you power to love. People who forgive also know how to love. For love is about forgiveness and forgiveness is about love. Love knows and records no wrongs. When you forgive you wash away the wrongs of others as Jesus has done for you.
There is nothing like peace and joy overflowing through the act of forgiveness. It brightens the day like the birds chirping in the trees to a love song. It’s a dance of love displayed between two people destined to be together who have barely just met. It’s a picture of beauty that we all want to capture and live. It’s in the power of a picture perfect moment waiting for you to create. Go now and forgive and live in the power of your act of forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a hard thing for many to grasp and even harder for many to receive. The good news is that wherever you are and whatever you have done- it’s for you!
Forgiveness knows no bounds. It is not prejudice. Forgiveness does not discriminate. People do; but not forgiveness. Whether you have cheated, killed, murdered, stole, gossiped, lied, coveted; it doesn’t matter. Forgiveness is for you. What you have done in the past is not defining of your future.
Forgiveness is the one thing that once given; can’t be taken away. It is yours and you can have it. Jesus did not die and then take back did He? He even on the cross went to the Father on our behalf. That takes guts!
See; it’s only people who have judgment in their hearts who hold the forgiveness scale. They equate level of forgiveness with level of sin in their minds and that is only going to keep a level of bondage that is a trap. Remove those judgmental thoughts; especially the thoughts of what a wretched person you are. We are all mistake makers and none are any different.
Once you truly grasp that what you have done is what you have done and that today is a new today and that on this day; you too can receive forgiveness then you will be free. How do I know? I’ve been there. I lived a life of misery in bondage. I lived on resentment lane. I owned all the property in the town of Bitterness. And now I live in the land of Free. The world of Forgiveness. Take it from me. The latter is much better than the former.
Life can be stressful and if you are not careful; it can be much more that! It can and does lead to heart attacks, alcoholism, arthritis and much more. Unless you do something about getting and keeping your peace your life won’t change. If you want change I challenge you take these simple steps for joy restoration:
10. Declutter– Having too much stuff around will only cause more stress because that stuff has to be taken care of. If you pay money to rent a storage facility; are you losing money paying to store stuff you won’t actually need? Decluttering will help you save time and money in the end while giving you peace of mind.
9. Plan your meals- When people get hungry they get agitated. Sure it may take time to actually plan your meals; however, the benefits are worth it. You will have more time in your day and won’t have to frantically try to figure out what to eat and then end up eating leftover potato salad with some Lucky Charms.
8. Eat foods you can pronounce- Eating living foods will change your life. If you can’t pronounce it it’s probably made my man and well; not really food but rather some variation of it. Living foods bring life to your bones and will decrease mood swings. In the Bible commanded His men to eat red meat before and after any battle because they needed the fuel to take care of business. A healthy eating lifestyle will bring peace without a doubt.
7- Take a walk for fresh air- There is nothing like fresh air; especially in the Rocky Mountains. A short walk outside can make all the difference. Take some time to see the flowers in bloom and smell the aroma of what surrounds you. It’s the greatest way to bring peace and guess what? It’s free.
6- Take a friend inventory- Reflect on the people in your life. How much fruit are they bringing? How much drama and trauma comes with them? One way to get peace is to get the drama out. Distance yourself from those who are not moving toward their futures as you are. The last thing you need is someone stealing your joy, time and your peace. You have too much to live for than to get caught in that trap!
5- Get and stay organized- Getting organized is one thing; staying that way is another! Consistency is key for the results you want. Deal with the root cause of your disorganization so that you can get and stay that way and in the end; have more peace. It’s been reported that people on average spend 7 minutes per day searching for their keys. If only they were organized! Get organized and get peace.
4- Change your attitude– Whether you think you can or can’t you are right. Attitude is everything and if you don’t have the right attitude it’s time for a change. Life is too short to have a bad attitude. Now is the time to get rid of that stinking thinking to get toward the bigger picture of what your life is about.
3- Live within your means– You don’t always need the latest phone, tablet, computer, shoes, car, purse, kitchen renovation. It’s all a lie to get you out of your means. Living within your means increases your peace as there is less stress and worry. It’s not like anyone cares whether or not you have the latest of anything so why live outside your means to prove something to people that don’t care? The only one living with the consequences of the means you choose to live in is you!
2-Know your purpose- You can’t land at a place you can’t identify. Not knowing your purpose or the call on your life is one of the worst things to damage your future. When you have that clear direction all the distractions will decrease because you won’t have time to get involved with things that are not for you.
1- Forgive- The biggest silent killer is unforgiveness. It will ruin your business and personal relationships as well as your life. I lived with an unforgiving heart for most of my life and it was a slow death. If there is anything you ever do for yourself it is forgive. You will be free to go forward living your life without the chains that bind. Everyone has been hurt in their lives so what makes you any different? Deal with it and move on!
It’s quite simple really to get peace. It’s a matter of how much you want it. Once you get it you will know not only how important it is; but also how important it is to keep it. Sure life is life and people are people; but you are the one responsible for the level of peace you have and today is the day to make your day filled with the peace that you need to live the life you were created for.
It’s hard to not get caught up in the focus of what society deems beautiful. Magazines airbush every blemish that may actually be beauty marks, Hollywood glamorizes unhealthy weight and waistlines; and after reading style magazines for less than 2 minutes 30% of women in a recent poll felt worse about themselves.
How you escape it all? How do you get beyond what all the images, advertisements; and lies are to see the truth? A few things to help are:
1- Recognize it’s a lie. It’s a lie to believe you are not beautiful. It’s a lie to believe that you need to be anything more than you are. Remember that if companies advertised that you were beautiful ‘without’ their products they would not be in business.
2- Stop comparing. The more society brings us comparing ourselves to one another; the more feeling of insecurity creep in. Comparing yourself to others will in the end; not get you closer to be the real you that you were created to be. Celebrate yourself and know that what you see in others may not even be real.
3. Accept yourself. See; the beauty industry is about creating a beauty that ‘they’ define. How real is it? How true to you is it? You are beautiful and there is nothing about you that should not be celebrated; cellulite and all. Years ago I was challenged to do something that changed my self perception and my life. I was challenged to sit in front of mirror and simply stare at myself for 15 minutes. I first laughed until I sat there and started staring. At first I noticed all the things that would make sense; the blemishes. Then I sat longer and started seeing the beauty; the creation of me that God made. I saw my mole that I used to try to wash off in a different way. I saw my eyebrows different and was thankful that I even had them. I saw the different colors of brown in my eyes that I never saw before. I saw something new. How about you? Will you take the challenge?
As we go through life and live in a materialistic and outward appearance focused society; it’s time to get back to the basics and accept the beauty that we are all graced with. It’s time to stop looking at others and seeing what we are not as a result. It’s time to get to the reality of what we are and celebrate that. It’s time that we reocgnize it’s much more beautiful to be healthy in our own skin.
Shopping malls are like bad ex spouse; they just keeps popping up in places you would rather not see. I read an article earlier this morning about how the shopping malls of America are undergoing transformation; as if we couldn’t tell right?
While the article was trying to bring light to the fact that malls aren’t dead; t it’s just the size of the mall that is dying. In other words; bigger malls are better for America. And more of that is just what America needs. More for more right? More roller coasters in malls for more of your money. More is the American dream after all.
As I reflected on the idea of the shopping mall and how consumers are shopping now and what that experience really is. As a kid we used to go to the mall and it was an experience. An experience of finding a bathing suit that I was allowed to wear in public. An experience of finding clothes that would be appropriate. It was never a good experience; until I went without my parents. You may remember Mervins, the Denver, May D & F and others. The hours certainly were not what they are now and it wasn’t about riding roller coasters and having a Starbucks or five star meal. The purpose was to shop. It’s changed since then and what may surprise you that only 6% of retail sales were online according to the US Census Bureau.
When I think of shopping malls now it screams desperation. Desperation for you to come and willingly pay more than you should for most items because the retailers can’t afford their rent any other way. The mall screams manipulation of getting your kids to want to go to climb the wall or ice skate while you pay a fortune for them to do so; all in the name of the experience of shopping. Who wouln’t really want to shell out four dollars for a pretzel?
In the big scheme of things you probably don’t need most of what you get in a shopping mall. They need you more than you realize. It’s a trap for you think otherwise. If you look at what you currently own you probably have more than enough. More to get by with. More to enjoy; and maybe even more to give away. Just take a closer look. You have enough. Like that old spouse; let it go. You don’t need it any more. You have all that you need just the way you are.
It’s something worth repeating: you are accepted. You are good enough right where you are; muffin top and all. I say this because it’s incredible how much in our society people are searching. Searching for that one thing to make them more well; accepted. The search for love on television shows; hoping that one guy or gal they meet and spend 3 hours with will want them. The search for 5,000 facebook fake friends to add to the mix, the drinking group that just accepts you becaues you can handle more tequilla shots than the next person. You can search everywhere for acceptance or you can accept that you are accepted and good enough right where you sit. You don’t even need a Mac!
There is no need to go about life trying to change who you are. It won’t work. It can’t. Those that would accepte you based upon the fake you will eventually see the truth and then what? You are starting your search over again seeking elsewhere for that acceptance that doesn’t exist.
You don’t need to beg for roses, have sex on the first date; or drink yourself into oblivion to impress others who are drunk. You just don’t. You don’t have to have bigger muscles or better car either. See; Jesus doesn’t care about any of that. He is much wiser to see the core of who you. the best part? He loves you despite of your shortcomings.
It took me a long time to get to a place of 1) accepting Jesus, 2) accepting the fact that He already accepted me, 3) accepting myself. I had no idea what that meant at the time. I only knew that what I was doing wasn’t working. How about you? Are you tired of searching? Are you tired of being where you are? Perhaps is the day you try something new. Perhaps today is your day to believe and receive. Perhaps today is a new day where you see just how accepted you truly are.