How to Forgive Your Mother
Forgiving your mother is life changing. It transforms not only your life; but hers too. How do I know? I had to forgive my biological mother. I had to forgive her big time. And now I see the life change in both of us.
What happened to me probably doesn’t happen to most. My biological mother told me she was going to get pizza; but never came back. I was three. I was placed into a foster home and then adopted into an abusive home and they put me in a homeless shelter- all by age 15. I had to forgive. Big time. You see I hated my mom. I hated everything about her. Because of her selfishness my life was wrecked. Perhaps that is where you are today.
I’m quite confident that your mom is not perfect. She may not have loved you in the way that you actually needed or wanted to be loved. She probably didn’t allow you to do all that you wanted to do. And even maybe she loved your brothers or sisters more. I know what that is like. I’ve had more sets of parents than people have had wedding dresses! So not only did I have 1 mother to forgive; but I had several. And yes it was hard without a doubt because each of them did different things wrong and it was me the victim who had to forgive. Doesn’t sound fair does it?
I met my mom for the first time in 2003. She opened the door looked me up and down and then walked away! And I had to forgive. I learned after I spoke with her that while I was being abused as a child in my adoptive home that she lived about 15 minutes from me and was competing in dance competitions every Saturday. And I had to forgive. And I absolutely hated her. And I hated my adoptive mother even more. Much more. I hated every ounce of her 6’0″ being with a passion. And I had to forgive. So how did I do it? How do you do it? It’s the hardest process with simple steps which I’m sure doesn’t make any sense but will change your life.
1- Make the choice. Every single thing you do is because of a choice you make. The choices you have today are because of the choices you made yesterday. Forgive. Don’t forgive. Life in freedom. Live in bondage. All your choice. What do ‘you’ want? Every choice you make changes your life. Every choice. When I made the choice to forgive in reality I was making the choice to be obedient to the Word of God. I thought I was; yet I was living in unforgiveness. Once the choice was made there was no going back. None. The more mothers I forgave the more power came into my life; the more I felt the presence of God.
After I made the choice and sat in my room crying for 2 days straight over NYE I felt different. I looked different. My eye color changed! Nothing in my life was the same. Not one single thing.
After that I sent letters to my adoptive and biological mothers telling them that I forgave them.My adoptive mother replied; which was the first correspondence in about 10 years or longer. She explained that she didn’t know her actions caused me such pain. Now; one could ask how could she not! But for me- who cares. I forgave her. I was free. What she does and says is not my business.
With my biological mother; she called me. We spoke. I made the drive from Dallas to Houston to see her in person; the first time in 4 years. On that day she gave her life to Jesus. Both of us were changed on that day. And both forever.
In the end what I learned is that I had a mother who wanted to love me but couldn’t and one that could and wouldn’t. I had to forgive them both and the others too so that I could go on with my life. I learned that every mother has her own set of circumstances that she is dealing with and that mothers do what they know. If all they know is from what their mothers knew or know; then there you have it. We all do what we know and until we know what we know; we can’t truly expect others to do something that they can’t because they don’t know. This is why Jesus dying on the cross said, ‘Forgive them Father for they know not what they do’ in Luke 23:34. Your mother knows what she knows and what I am going to count on for sure is that in her own way she loves you. And that is what matters. And that is where through you forgiving her your life will change. And aren’t you ready for that?
For more about forgiveness and to hear testimonies and stories watch ‘Living in Forgiveness’ on Tuesdays at 9:20pm on the UANetwork. Check your local listing. Or watch On-Demand: http://uanetwork.tv/uanon-demand/living-forgiveness-julie-blair/
Being a mother is not easy. Ask any woman. Ask any woman what it is like on a daily basis being a mother. It doesn’t matter if a mother stays at home with her children or works. It simply doesn’t. The regret that many women face for their choices is something that is hard for many to talk about and men to grasp. It’s a silent pain that many even feel guilty about. The wonderful news is that there is forgiveness!
If you are a mother who has had thoughts or currently regrets having your children because your life changed; don’t let it consume you. It’s ok that you have those thoughts. Then take them captive! There is no guilt that you should just be happy that you have children because so many others can’t. That’s rubbish! This has nothing to do with anyone or anything else but you. As we approach Mother’s Day reflect on that and how you can get to what you want; with your children and all. You are after all a mother who survived child birth right? Maybe you may have thoughts of the dreams you once had if only you didn’t have children. Perhaps you wanted to travel to Monaco and write or perhaps you always dreamed of being a chef but because you now have children you have to plan birthday parties and play chauffeur. Regardless of what it is; know that forgiveness is there so that you don’t have to suffer more in silence because of a choice that you made. There is forgiveness and it starts with you.
1. Forgive yourself for hiding your thoughts and feelings. When you own how you feel and what you think; you will find power in it. Do not allow society to tell you where you should be by when and at what point. It will only add more pressure for you to be what you are not or don’t desire to be. If you regret having children; share it and share why. Write it down if you don’t want to share it with friends. Or share it with those you love. It may be the one thing that not only frees you; but frees others well. They may have something to share that will change your life! Your regret for having children most likely has nothing to do with your children but where you are in your life. Forgive yourself for allowing the bondage that’s holding you back. You are worth more than that!
2. Forgive yourself for thinking you are alone. There is an entire movement about women in society who regret having children so you are not alone. Do not believe that you are the only who has ever had those thoughts or lived in regret. It may be that you wanted something else for your life; but why not make it so now? Don’t focus on the ‘I can’t’ because you won’t get anywhere. You can and you just have to truly want it to make it so! Why allow yourself to think you are alone and that there is no hope! There are more women just like you than you think. You see; Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that ‘For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’ What does this mean? You have a future! You are not alone. God’s Word also tells us in Deuteronomy and also in Psalms that He will never leave us or forsake us. You my dear beautiful reader are not alone. Do you realize that there has never been a moment in your life when you have not been loved?
3- Forgive yourself for the shame, embarrassment and guilt for your thoughts. The enemy’s goal is to kill, steal and destroy. Destroy what? It doesn’t matter! The whole goal is destruction. If you are destroyed in your mind by feeling shameful for regret you will lose. If you are destroyed in spirit by guilt you are being destroyed. There is no freedom in that. It’s time to loose the ties that bind! You are too strong to be destroyed!
Women and all women need to stand together. It isn’t about celebrating women except the one named Sarah Palin. It just isn’t. It’s about women stopping the judgment and hate toward one another. If we look carefully and closely; we don’t even need men involved to do anything because women can tear down women all on their own. Men need not be blamed for that! That is how much power women have yet in silent and secret women hide in fear of that same judgment and power from one another. It’s time to let it go. It’s time to be honest and say, ‘Yep. I do love my children. And yep; there are times when I regret having them. Yep. I feel selfish and guilty for it. Yep I don’t think my husband would understand. And yep; I’m finally ready to forgive myself and recognize that I am here and that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. (Phi 4:13) And that means getting beyond the regret to see that I can live a wonderful life.’ And then it’s time to accept that you are a woman and that you are no different than any other and that through forgiveness of regret of what comes with being a mom you will survive; it’s just what you do. You survive.
The first Saturday of the month my mother guests hosts with me. While it may not seem like any big deal; let me share otherwise.
You may know my biological mother and I were separated for almost 30 years! I lived in a foster home, an abusive adoptive home and was placed in a homeless shelter all by age 15!
My biological mother had a rough childhood in a variety of ways. She too was homeless and has suffered from things like bi-polar, depression and many other ailments. During the 50’s there wasn’t the medical information or diagnoses to help people in her position. She was just said to be ‘retarded’.
Needless to say her mind is in tact! She is in the second round of testing to be on Jeopardy; all from the nursing home she lives in! What a story.
We come together every Saturday to answer viewer questions about forgiveness because we have been there. We know what it’s like to be angry, separated; healed and restored through forgiveness in the mighty name of Jesus! We are both in places where we never dreamed possible- and together!
On this day if you have been cheated on there is hope. If you have been a cheater there is forgiveness. If you are a business owner scammed there is forgiveness too. God’s Word never returns void and together we stand as one united family that the enemy thought he could destroy; although God’s plan is bigger and we give Him the praise and glory!
Join us today and get refreshed. It’s 30 minutes of love and laughter through forgiveness.
For more about forgiveness watch “Living in Forgiveness” on Saturdays in Dallas channels 27 & 47.2. NY & NY new channel 49.1 Stream live atwww.uanetwork.tvand watch previous episodes here: http://uanetwork.tv/uanon-demand/living-forgiveness-julie-blair/
This is our last Saturday before moving to Tuesdays where she will guest host the last Tuesday of each month. **Starting May 5th Living in Forgiveness will air Tuesdays at 9:30pm**
Sure we hear all the messages about people who forgave and how strong they are and we can all be inspired; but this story this takes the cake. It was reported that a woman in Ohio’s medical records were posted on Facebook. Now not just any medical records. Nope. Her STD diagnosis was posted to facebook by Cincinnati’s UC Medical Center for the world to see.
An image of the diagnosis of was included in the post and as a result the woman is suing. The lawsuit claims employees at the University of Cincinnati Medical Center posted the woman’s syphilis diagnosis, which included personal identifying information, on a page for the closed group “Team No Hoes,” reports reveal. The posting included derogatory comments about the woman, calling her a “hoe” and a “slut,” her attorney said.
The group that it was posted to has over 2,000 people in it that now know all her personal business.
The question is: could you forgive? Could you forgive the hospital for blabbing your STD to whomever it wants? Could you forgive Facebook for allowing it to be posted? Could your forgive yourself for even being on facebook in the first place? Could you forgive the person who gave you the STD in the first place? Could you forgive the people who have judged you all the while keeping their own STD’s quiet? Could you forgive yourself for trusting the doctors in the first place? Could you forgive the employee who deemed you invisible and unworthy and thought nothing of ruining your life?
Could you? Perhaps after you get a cool check for 10 million? But even then would you ever be able to forgive and move on? It’s something that perhaps you can’t answer until you are in that position. And on this day in the name of Jesus I pray you never are.
For more about forgiveness watch “Living in Forgiveness” on Saturdays in Dallas channels 27 & 47.2. NY & NY new channel 49.1 Stream live atwww.uanetwork.tvand watch previous episodes here: http://uanetwork.tv/uanon-demand/living-forgiveness-julie-blair/
**Starting May 5th Living in Forgiveness will air Tuesdays at 9:30pm**