Spiritual abuse is rampant; except people don’t talk about. Those who abuse continue to do so and those abused continue to keep silent. It’s hard to come out shout ‘Hey! I was spiritually abused. I’m socially awkward, have been isolated for a decade and haven’t a clue what I am doing’ so most who have been abused hide in silence. And things continue on as though nothing happened. It’s similar to rape in that a violation occurred in the most inner parts of a person and most of the time the perpetrator gets no sentence.
Forgiveness of self in spiritual abuse situations is vital to forward progression. There is no way to move on without first forgiving the spiritual abuser as I wrote in my previous blog ‘Forgiveness in Spiritual Abuse: Forgiving the Abuser’. The next step toward freedom is:
Forgive yourself. When reality hits of that spiritual abuse has occurred; it’s more eye opening that most realize. It’s the shock of ‘how did I let this happen’ to ‘what will others think?’ to ‘am I crazy?’ and ending with the ‘how do I go forward?’ and many other things that are a part of that journey.
It is extremely difficult to let go of the mistake that the person made to get to that place; however, those who are spiritual abusers are good at it and you blaming yourself won’t do any good. In fact it will only create more hardship so it’s best to recognize it and forgive yourself and as soon as possible. The longer you wait the harder it is because the more revelation you will experience about what really took place.
Before you go down the road of shame, guilt, condemnation; and self-loathing know that your friends who love you are still there loving you and that in fact; they have been loving you the entire time. They are still there and they have never left you. They were on their journey with you although in a different way. They see through their eyes and my friends; have been waiting for the day when your eyes were open to seeing the truth. Sometimes it takes some longer than others; which is why we need people in our lives of all walks of life.
Forgiving yourself for getting into a spiritually abusive relationship is no different than forgiving yourself for having an abortion or an act of infidelity. All require forgiveness and the great news is that there is forgiveness and freedom waiting for you. As you go forward forgive yourself for:
1. Allowing yourself to get in that situation in the first place
2. Not recognizing it sooner.
3. Not standing up for yourself during that time.
4. Not paying attention to the red flags that really were there.
5. Not listening to those in your life who saw the signs and warned you.
And anything else that caused you to get yourself there. It’s one of those things that while you may wish you weren’t there; you were and now you aren’t- and that’s the best news of all.
As with anything in life; the quicker you realize that you are not perfect and that you make mistakes the easier it will get to forgive yourself. It may be humbling; but will end up being the most healing act and gift that you can give yourself. Get started now as your future is waiting.
Up next: Forgiveness in Spiritual Abuse: Know the Lessons
Spiritual abuse is something that people don’t talk about; especially in church. Forgiveness of spiritual abuse is what needs to be openly discussed because people need freedom in Christ. Church unfortunately does not equate to freedom for many.
It is amazing how many people leave the church because they have suffered spiritual abuse. It’s even worse to learn how many of those people want nothing to do with Jesus because of the spiritual abuse of the so called Christian leaders that they trusted their spiritual journey to. It’s hard to separate the two; although it should make people be glad to learn that even Jesus wasn’t thrilled with the religious folks of His day. Spiritual abuse is no laughing matter and if you have ever experienced it or know someone who has or is currently; these words are for you.
First and foremost there is freedom after spiritual abuse. If you have suffered spiritual abuse do not allow it or the abuser to have control over your future. Forgive. There is a call on your life and you matter. There is something in your future that no one can take away. To get free and live your God given life I begin with:
1. Forgive the abuser. It truly is a test of your strength and probably one of the hardest things to forgive someone for. The person that you trusted as a confident, spiritual mentor or adviser; or whatever you want to call took advantage of what you gave. It’s a hard thing to work through for anyone when the reality of what has been done to you sets in. This is why forgiveness is needed because otherwise your future and your life will suffer the consequences in ways you can’t deem possible.
Forgiveness will free you in any situation and unforgiveness will kill you as well; so working through forgiveness first will help you see that you have a future and that your past has not been wasted. It simply hasn’t. While you may have a harder time getting back what was stolen; the great news is that there is redemption in Christ. God is the redeemer of all things and through Him what has been stolen shall be returned to you. Just keep walking toward your future.
What you must understand is through forgiveness of the abuser you will be able to see that most people don’t know what they are doing. They just don’t. You probably didn’t know what you were doing when you got yourself into the situation of being abused in the first place! Remember forgiveness is not about the abuser; but rather you and your own journey. Those who are spiritual abusers for the most part are just doing what they know and or what they have been taught. Does that make it any easier? Of course not! You still lost your identity, the years of your life all the things that it probably should have been filled with; and much more that you don’t yet know.
When really looking at the abuser through the eyes of forgiveness; you will be able to see that that person too has lost much. What that person has lost may not be any concern of yours; but it doesn’t change the fact that most people who abuse were abused and your forgiveness toward that person may put you in the perfect position to not only free yourself but that person and all those who would come after to you that would otherwise be spiritually abused. It’s a journey of healing, reconciliation and forward progress toward the real life waiting for you.
Regardless of what has been done to you by whom; the first step is forgiving the spiritual abuser so that you can take the next step forward. You don’t want to miss more of your future by not starting there.
What’s next? Forgiveness in Spiritual Abuse: Forgiving Yourself
Forgiveness is like nothing else in the world. It gives and spreads like love in paradise. It’s like the high when you have that twinkle in your eye about someone you met and like; and can’t wait to see again. It’s the beauty in life that continues the more you give it. It’s one of those things that until you truly grasp it, hold it, experience and live it- you can’t possibly understand.
I didn’t get it. I didn’t get that high or love until I learned forgiveness. I had no twinkle in my eye but rather a plank, along with many other things that kept me impoverished. It wasn’t until I learned how to forgive that my life was changed and I was free. Forgiveness is many things and in my first episode of ‘Living in Forgiveness’ I talked about what forgiveness is. Today; I share with you the how it gives you power in the easiest of ways.
1- Forgiveness opens your heart. With an open heart you can accomplish anything! The wounds of the past are no longer in control. You are free indeed.
2- Forgiveness opens your eyes. You will be able to see that people are people and they do what they know. What they don’t know is what can hurt the most. What you don’t know can hurt you too. I didn’t know the truth about my biological mother being told by our case worker that if she didn’t sell me to him for 10k he would make sure she never saw me again. Once I learned that; my eyes were opened. I saw for the truth and it’s the truth that makes us free.
3- Forgiveness puts you in the drivers seat. When you forgive you are disallowing any person and his or her burden to have any impact upon you. You have power unlike any other when you make the choice to forgive.
4- Forgiveness gives you peace. It’s a sickening thought when you realize the person who hurt you is living his or her life in joy all the while you are suffering. There is no peace in suffering; only silent turmoil. When you forgive you have peace. Inner peace. Peace to live and peace to be free. There is power in peace that comes from forgiveness.
5- Forgiveness gives you power to love. People who forgive also know how to love. For love is about forgiveness and forgiveness is about love. Love knows and records no wrongs. When you forgive you wash away the wrongs of others as Jesus has done for you.
There is nothing like peace and joy overflowing through the act of forgiveness. It brightens the day like the birds chirping in the trees to a love song. It’s a dance of love displayed between two people destined to be together who have barely just met. It’s a picture of beauty that we all want to capture and live. It’s in the power of a picture perfect moment waiting for you to create. Go now and forgive and live in the power of your act of forgiveness.
It’s a serious question that we must ask ourselves. It is a command to love they neighbor for it is written in Mark 12:31 ‘The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” Interesting isn’t it? You may have grown up hearing it but not now where it comes from. I ask again- do you really love your neighbor? It seems in our society that we love twitter, we love a great shoe sale or Duke basketball; even though they loss but do we really love our neighbor? Do we love the obese man next door? Do we love the African American to the other side of the house? Do we love the homosexual couple? Or do we just think we are speaking a good idea in theory?
Yesterday I had a conversation with someone and listening to her testimony truly touched me. See; all too often we interact with people and base whether we like them on political stances instead of the people themselves. Whether you are homosexual or agree with the lifestyle is irrelevant. It simply is. The Bible is clear but so do we need to continue to focus on that in that context or go bigger to see something else? In the conversation with this woman I was blessed to hear her story, her pain and loss and her victory that she now blesses others with. I could hear that what she wanted most was to be loved and accepted for who she is and to love others. It is natural. It is normal. Everyone wants to be accepted for who they are and right where they are. The good news is that you are!
So are you loving your neighbor? Are you living in the land of love or are you too busy judging others because they are not the size 2, driving the vehicle that you think is cool, or drinking your favorite beer? Are you looking down on someone because they don’t attend your 40k member mega-church? It is simply not the place of any of us to judge anyone as that in and of itself is sin. Who is anyone to look at the life and path of another and condemn them? Am I not just as guilty for the sins I have committed? See; being homosexual is no different in the eyes of God as adultery, abortion; or stealing a pen. Sin is sin and we have to remember that. Sure the outcome may be different but that simply is not the point for this moment.
It’s amazing how many don’t realize the magnificent and the magnitude of the words Jesus spoke before His death: ‘Forgive them Father for they know not what they do’ (Luke 23:34) and how true it is! People are hurting by their sins so why judge them even more?
I remember a few years ago I was walking out of a store and a strange gentleman asked me my plans for the evening. I replied ‘none’ and his reply was ‘oh another beautiful lady home on a Friday night.’ Ouch! What I saw though was that the pretty ladies are judged for their looks just as much as the not so pretty ladies. In the end- all are home alone on a Friday night. And that’s not cool!
We are only called to love our neighbors. It’s that simple. None of us know the specific path that someone has been through. We just don’t. Know one has walked my journey except for Jesus and the same is for you. I will be dealt with on Judgment Day as will all of us whether we believe it or; like it or not or want it or not. Through al of this so long as we hold over those who we believe are more sinful than ourselves we are simply playing God. It is not up to any of us to place ourselves in that position as what we think today may be different tomorrow. It is only our responsibility and duty to reach out and love our neighbors and demonstrate that love so that others can see the light and forever be changed.
How
I’ve blogged about this now 3 times and well; apparently we are still experiencing it and sometimes we can all use a reminder. I would have loved to not have 80 degrees on Saturday and then ice and with the windchill -2 in Dallas; but such is life and being prepared in and out of season is something to be mindful of. Currently; I have been without power for about 3 hours and counting.
It was reported back in August that winter 2013 will be the worst on record and that was around the first time I blogged about it. Did you pay attention? Did you follow any of my suggestions? If you didn’t; my hope is that you are warm and not suffering in this cold weather that seems to not go away!
In Colorado where I grew up things were different in that winter came and everyone was prepared. It was just life. People had gardens and the crops were canned for winter. It was life. The blizzards of 1982 was one such example. It came on Christmas Eve. It’s not one people soon forget. The other ones that people still talk about are 1997 where in Coal Creek Canyon 56″ of snow was reported in less than 12 hours. In 2003 people were snowed in for at minimum 5 days. Because some cities outlawed driving people skied to the nearest grocery store; before everything was shut down. How ingenious right? Or stupid that the grocery workers were still there but I digress.
At least in Denver people have 4-wheel drive vehicles. In most cities across America; people aren’t equipped for such weather as snow and ice; or even cold. The city workers aren’t either so a weather related storm can definitely wreck havoc without a doubt. I need to make sure I am prepared for whatever comes this winter. How about you?
In reflection of a few things that would be necessary for survival is one that has thinking I need to step up my game. The grocery stores only have supplies for three days. Three days! What if the weather is so bad that the power is out longer than that? What if the weather is so bad that the trucks can’t even get to your city to deliver the products you need? What then would you do? It occurs to me that there are some things I need to take care of. It’s not like I will be able to just use my cell phone and order pizza.
A few things to think about to be prepared are:
1- Water. Of course everyone needs water so this goes without say. If you start now stocking up on water then you are set for drinking but what about the rest of your life? What about showering, cooking, or anything else. Don’t you need to be able to flush the toilet so you may need more water? If you have the drinking water do you really want to pour that down the toilet? The large blue containers you can fill up with a few gallons of tap water and then store them in the garage so you have something. You wouldn’t want to store your drinking water in the heat in the garage as it will only take more like plastic than it already does.
2- Food. Of course you have to eat and because you may not have electricity or know when it will be restored you definitely have to plan. What is your daily food consumption now? How long will the food in the refrigerator and freezer last? How would you prepare it? I was told years ago to take old water bottles and fill them with water but not all the way full and then store them in the freezer for occasions just like this. Perhaps a few MRE’s and other items should be accounted for before it’s too late. Foods high in protein and require no cooking are the most obvious. Plan for additional foods for the children and infants in your family. Not only this; how often do people eat out of boredom? Planning now will help you know what you have so your level of irritability won’t be so high.
3- Paper items. Toilet paper, napkins and other items are good to have on hand. Because water supply is limited doing dishes won’t be easy using paper products can serve the purpose. If count for how much toilet paper you use per month then perhaps an extra month supply would be good. Obviously if you are single you use less than a family of five; and that is the last thing you want to run out of. One opened item of anything is never enough!
4- Protection. It’s wise to be able to defend yourself in all seasons. Keeping current with firearms training and having ammunition is just prudent. My CHL is current and being proficient in using it doesn’t take much time out of my life. It’s just one of those things that is no different than taking care of the laundry.
5- Toiletries. As I said before an opened anything is never enough. Are you at the bottom of the shampoo bottle? Last roll of the toothpaste? What then if you run out before the weather clears and your store is restocked. How terrible would it be to not be able to brush your teeth for a few days or weeks?
6- Lighting. Candles of course can work just great; but how many would you need to use for light and warmth? When I look around my town home I see 20ft ceilings which means all the warmth going everyone else except to me. I would need to get creative with where I would spend my time because I obviously don’t want to waste my candles. My personal idea is pretty simple. My bathroom is a decent size and is closed in so it would make the most sense to set up shop in there. I would set up an air mattress in the bathtub and that room would be the warmest with less heat escaping. Sitting on the air mattress also gets me off the floor. Because my dining room, kitchen, living room; and bedroom all have windows using candles simply would be more work. GE sells the LED lanterns that take D batteries so for 20 bucks I have light and with my candles have warmth. Don’t forget the matches or lighters. I have a fireplace that was one thought although the bathroom would still provide better options for longer warmth.
7- Pet food and supplies. You can’t let your pet go hungry now can you? Of course mot! The Olive needs her food too. How much does your pet consume daily? What about flea, tick or heart worm medicine? Having these items on hand will only help you better protect your animal. Perhaps a few extra treats or raw hide bones would serve as a distraction from the situation. You may also think about a dog sweater or sweatshirt. While most with the purse dogs spend more on these items; your lab or Great Dane deserves one too!
8-Prescriptions. While it’s easy to call the pharmacist to place the prescription order on most days; you most likely wouldn’t have phone service to make the call or be able to get to that location to purchase it. Having enough supply on hand is wise as you would have to have your mother or child suffer those consequences!
9- Extra glasses or contacts. If it’s dark and you lose a pair of glasses now you are stuck. Stuck using your light to go search in the cold of the night to find them when if you had an extra pair in an easy to find location you would be just fine. This is one thing on my list without a doubt! I’ve never lost a pair but that doesn’t mean an extra pair wouldn’t be beneficial. I’m also learning that too many things that can be done tomorrow can wreck havoc on it too!
10- Blankets. If you happen to be like many bachelors you may just have your sheet and comforter that you sometimes use; or even perhaps you have the old quilt from someone years ago. Having enough blankets to keep you warm is a definite! If you hold up in one room you can always use one at the base of the door to keep any heat from escaping. My favorite is my down comforter; although I have two other bed sets and numerous other blankets that I have picked up along the way. This one item that can definitely serve it’s purpose. Of course if you have the sleeping bag that you use for those hunting excursions those will work just fine.
11- Generator. Sure you may not want to spare the expense of a few hundred bucks and no one blames you. For those who like to really be prepared it may be the best way to go. While others may be suffering; those with the generators wouldn’t lose any power so perhaps it is something to consider.
While there are many other items to include like salt for the driveway or front steps, sturdy ice scraper; and a prepare mentality this is a good start. More people die in the cold of winter than in the heat summer so why not cool yourself off from that heat of the day today? When that day comes you will be glad you did! And for now I am just waiting for the power to be restored……
It seems that with technology we can do it all. There is no need for others when you can just for .99 download the app to do it all. Why or what do we even need each other for? It’s a serious question to ask. What do you need people for? More than you think if you think about it.
Now it can be argued that just for the purpose of pro-creation which is a big duh so let’s get beyond that. The power that comes from partnerships is something you can’t get alone. When two or more come together; life happens. Life changes. People change. And isn’t that what we all can use? Some good healthy change with a side of chocolate cake? Or is that just me?
Who are the people in your life that are part of that change? Who are those you have to either balance your life, speak truth to your life; or just get you out of bed?
It took me a long time to grasp the need for other people. See; I was hurt. I was defensive. I was a survivor and it was people who hurt me so why do I want more people who would just do the same!? Hear me roar- pitifully that is. I thought I would do it all and while I have a wonderful testimony iron sharpens iron and we need one another to do life together.
If you ever want to see scary situations where people need each other just watch Ultimate Survival Alaska on the National Geographic Channel (http://channel.nationalgeographic.com/channel/ultimate-survival-alaska/) because it is such a testimony of the contestants needing each other. When one team of three is a man down it changes things. And not in a good way. They need each other and none of us are any different.
There are just some things that we in our vast amount of wisdom cannot figure out. For example; which diet or health plan? Where does one begin? You know once you get started with one and stop you will be back at the same place trying the same thing and never getting the results? Why else would Yahoo have a different article daily about what to eat and what exercises are the best? Perhaps you are going to a black tie event and need something to wear and have no clue. What store? What color? What length? (floor for black tie) What heals? How much? It’s so tiring to attempt to figure it all out.
Sometimes it’s better to not quit but surrender. Surrender that you can’t do it alone. Surrender to the fact that there are those who are there to help you and that they are placed there to be exactly what you need at that time. They need the support of you perhaps financially although what you are giving them you will get in return. There is no doubt.
I surrendered. I did. I am not afraid to admit it. It is amazing to say the least! The new partnerships that came over my life were and are so life-changing it’s incredible. It’s not about using people to get a means to an end; but rather developing partnerships for a lifetime. Isn’t that what we want anyway? Healthy, inspiring people who want the best for us? I know it is for me and I hope it is for you too.
I’m asking you! Sure it may be the economy that has you down; or a myriad of things that can be reasons but it still is a question for reflection.
Of course you think you are right. You have the latest knee high boots just in time for fall and are already preparing for Spring 2014 fashions. You already have the new 2014 Tahoe picked out and are ready. Yes; equipped you are.
The thing is that that isn’t what I am asking about. Who cares about all that stuff. The bigger picture is what I challenge you to look at. With the government shut down things are different. Sure it may not seem like it in your city; although reports from those in DC tell a different story.
What are you doing now to take precautions just in case? The Truckers to Shut Down America rally is this weekend which means that there may be a slow in food delivery to your local grocery store. If you are on who only buys what you need on a daily basis or every couple of days what would your plan be if you can’t what you need? Being out of toilet paper could be a big bummer; especially if you have kids.
If you are not saving any of your income because you believe it just won’t happen to you; take a look around you. It’s probably not unlikely that someone in your neighborhood thought the same thing. How much money are you setting aside? And not in the stock market either. How much money do you have in savings in cash? How much do you save in your savings account or your mattress bank? I learned years ago when I went to withdraw money from my credit union and they told me the servers were down and I couldn’t get any of it; that I needed a better plan. Perhaps you do too.
Are you so busy sharing with your world of facebook wanna be friends about your travel plans to gain self glory that you don’t stop to think that you just blasted to everyone to come rob you because you aren’t there?
Are you prepared in case you are attacked while driving like the family in NYC? It’s obvious that the police aren’t your friend when they are the ones doing the attacking right? Just take a look at Wojciech Broszczok and you will clearly know.
I came across this website http://www.secretsofsurvival.com/survival/israeli-defense-force-commando-tips.html that provides much to think about without a doubt! It definitely opened my eyes to things that I need to be mindful of as I go about living my life.
You see; being equipped isn’t about being a fanatic about anything. It’s about being wise. ‘be prepared in season and out of season’ 2Tim 4:2 tells us. It’s about the change in thinking. It’s about looking up when walking instead of staring down at a phone. It’s about making sure you are taking responsibility for yourself at all times. It’s pretty clear that your government won’t be any time soon. This means it’s up to you.
Why wait until Thanksgiving to share what you are thankful for? Start today!