Who Could You Forgive?
It’s a challenging question that perhaps you can’t answer if asked so on this day I am asking. Who could you forgive?Could you forgive a spouse for cheating on you? I know many that would say ‘he.. no’! I am not forgiving someone who does that to me! I know some that may say no way until it happens and they realize yes they can. Could you forgive someone for stealing clients or even shares of your business? What about those who bully your children? Not challenging enough? How about this: could you forgive yourself? Forgive yourself for what you ask? It doesn’t matter. Could you forgive yourself for whatever you have done?
It’s time to think about the level of strength that you have in order to forgive. Why? Because forgiveness is not about anyone else but you. There will always be people who wrong us. Parents mess kids up and those kids then in turn mess their kids up. It’s a cycle and it appears none are immune. Many people turn into their parents and just for that reason alone; the lesson of forgiveness needs to be learned.
I was abandoned by my biological mother and for many years I hated her; along with most people. Even when I met my biological mother I remember her looking at my up and down and then walking away to go finish her phone call. My level of contempt for her just grew in that instant. And my life was a reflection of it. I blamed others for the mistakes they made all the while I continued the cycle.I had to learn forgiveness.
Years later I learned what forgiveness is and the process of being healed through it. Who could I forgive? Anyone for anything. You may truly question that but here is the thing: when you make forgiveness your lifestyle you are able to see the bigger picture. You are healed. You my friend are free. And that means no longer are you bound by the sins of others. Now please don’t think it would be easy; but rather doable.
How strong are you? My best guess is that you are stronger than you think and that strength is just a matter of choice.You see; the strong forgive and live as victors while the weak try to survive while living a victims. Ask yourself only who could I forgive but also ‘how strong do I want to be?’
Forgiveness is a hard thing for many to grasp and even harder for many to receive. The good news is that wherever you are and whatever you have done- it’s for you!
Forgiveness knows no bounds. It is not prejudice. Forgiveness does not discriminate. People do; but not forgiveness. Whether you have cheated, killed, murdered, stole, gossiped, lied, coveted; it doesn’t matter. Forgiveness is for you. What you have done in the past is not defining of your future.
Forgiveness is the one thing that once given; can’t be taken away. It is yours and you can have it. Jesus did not die and then take back did He? He even on the cross went to the Father on our behalf. That takes guts!
See; it’s only people who have judgment in their hearts who hold the forgiveness scale. They equate level of forgiveness with level of sin in their minds and that is only going to keep a level of bondage that is a trap. Remove those judgmental thoughts; especially the thoughts of what a wretched person you are. We are all mistake makers and none are any different.
Once you truly grasp that what you have done is what you have done and that today is a new today and that on this day; you too can receive forgiveness then you will be free. How do I know? I’ve been there. I lived a life of misery in bondage. I lived on resentment lane. I owned all the property in the town of Bitterness. And now I live in the land of Free. The world of Forgiveness. Take it from me. The latter is much better than the former.
It’s a simple question yet one all too often overlooked. I found myself looking in the mirror the other day and thought it would be like any other day. Well; it wasn’t. It reminded of years ago when I was challenged to sit in front of a mirror and just stare at myself to see what God sees. That’s a challenge all right; with a life changing outcome!
I ask you again- what are you investing in you? I took a long look not at the Eva Mendez mole that I have that people tend to comment on, not on the grey hair here or there that no one but me sees; but just a long look. It caused me to step back for a moment and pause.
How about you? Do you spend far too much time looking but not seeing? Perhaps now is the time to look at your investment and reflect on what your return on it actually is. You may be surprised.
What I saw has caused much change in my life. It’s always a challenge to go for radical change although if you don’t where will you be? You can’t do what you have always done and then not expect to get what you have always gotten. It just doesn’t work like that.
What did I see? I saw areas that need different investment for larger return.
1- I saw I was investing or sowing more in others than they were in me. I reflected on the relationships in my life where I gave more than I was receiving in return. I need to invest more in me and others who are not the sucker branches where I am better able to bring ripe fruit into my life.It’s not a selfish thing but reflecting on me and where I am to where I want to go and grow.
2- I saw the physical effects that Dallas has had on me and well; all the people I have met who too have moved from other healthy and fit cities. I didn’t beat myself up over what I saw but rather gravitated toward a lifestyle of one that will produce healthy results for lasting living and lifelong impact.
3- I saw an investment in a career that I dreamed of that isn’t quite the reality as I believe most people experience. Remember the days when McDonald’s was good? Sure you know what I am talking about? When you are able to see it for what you are you can make the change. I have better boundaries, hours; and results in the end.
4- I saw that life will suck the life out of you if you are not actively investing in yourself. I don’t mean the purchase of a new car, more clothes; or material things. I mean investing in you. The person that you are. There will always be more debt for a vehicle, more clothes that will be outdated in a few months; more tweets to post about it all and that isn’t investing in you. That is nothing but the trap of society to keep you from the right focus for actual living. Take a step back and look. Step back and see.
It’s all about choice. Choice to see. Choice to pay attention. Choice to change. Choice to choose. You may want to get on board and do something now before it’s too late. You would hate to not invest in the one thing that can change your life and then have to tell that to others what you never did.
Great relationships don’t come without effort. It is not possible to be in healthy relationships and contribute nothing. Relationships require commitment, communication, sometimes sacrifice; and most of all forgiveness. All of these require that focus is not on self. This was a tough lesson for me to learn. I spent most of my life alone and growing myself up. I was 15 and homeless and put myself through college. I was a warrior! It was all about me; and when it wasn’t it still was. Trust me.
When I met my mom in 2003 for the first time that was an experience to say the least! It wasn’t until 2007 that we connected again. She disappeared again which made things difficult and to be honest; I didn’t care because I wanted nothing to do with her in the first place. Anyway; that is a separate story altogether but for the sake of this I had to learn how to relate to her as the mother and also learn how to be a daughter. I never really got that experience so needless to say it proved to be something I knew nothing about. Was it work? Absolutely! It was beyond anything I ever imagined and there was no ‘wanna get away’ escape from it either! I could only wish! And I did!
While I had been a speech professor for almost a decade by this time; I thought my communication skills were effective. Why wouldn’t I? Boy was I proved wrong! It wasn’t until I started communicating more with my mother that I learned just how much I had to learn. I had to deal with my own personal issues in order to be effective in communicating with her; else we could never build a healthy and functional relationship. I remember daily when she would call screaming at the top of her lungs how much she hated Dallas. Well; who could blame her? It’s hot and humid here. Ironic since she moved from Houston but still. It was a daily issue and I learned that my reaction only fed it. I needed to shut up and listen. What a lesson as there wasn’t much I was used to not having an opinion about. I had a lot of growing to do. I had to put down the cell phone and pay attention. I had to stop texting and pay attention. I had to look at my mother in the face and pay attention. I had to get over myself and just pay attention. I had to do it. Perhaps you are in a place where you need to just stop and pay attention for the sake of the relationship and those who are important in your life.
What I have learned are amazing things! While my mother has been diagnosed with every mental disorder you can imagine and is unable to physically care for herself; she will blow your mind! She is in the second phase of testing to be on Jeopardy. Who knew? I’ve learned that when she doesn’t want to talk about things that are too personal; like who my father is- she gets silent. When she has an answer she is very direct with her ‘yes’ and ‘fine’. Check out the segment from The Today Show and see what I mean as it’s hilarious! She holds nothing back. I learned that that is where I get it from and why my nickname in powder puff football in high school was ‘Mouth’. Go figure.
I’ve learned that my mom laughs a lot. She enjoys life now even though she no longer lives on her own. She gave up everything to move from Houston to Dallas to build a relationship with me. She did that for me. She has a warm heart and would give you the jacket off her back; and did to many on the streets even when she herself was homeless and cold. I’ve learned that even though her left ankle is swollen to her knee and the doctors have no clue why; she never complains about it. She just rangers on. Not only that; it doesn’t bother her to take a pair of scissors to cut her pants off at the bottom instead of sewing them. She just walks on and sings Queen songs all the way. Be aware if you take her to any musical show she will sing every song to your embarrassment.
The biggest lesson that I must share and admit is embarrassing; is that until I got over myself I couldn’t see her for who she is in my life. She is my mother and at times I struggled with that. I wanted anyone but her to be my mom. I know it’s not nice to admit but it’s true. I wanted someone more well; motherly. My mother is not nurturing and that’s ok. She still holds the title of mom and that’s enough. Once I really grasped the importance of obedience to the Word I saw that ‘Honor Your Mother and Father’ didn’t mean if you like them, if they are a Kennedy; or anything else. It just reads to do it. Once I got this and learned that it wasn’t always about me my life changed. Her life changed. Our lives changed. Isn’t that what it’s about anyway?
Life is about relationships. It’s about each of us growing and changing and experiencing with others. Life is also short. I lost 25 years of time with my mom and I can tell you that having that time back would be a blessing unimaginable; but it’s never going to happen. I can only relish in today and the time that we have to learn and relate to one another; to grow together and enjoy life together. I hope that for you too that on this day; you reflect on those in your life and what you can truly learn by relating to them in new ways. I assure you; you won’t regret it.
Forgiveness is the most wonderful thing in the world. It changes lives, heals and restores. There is nothing that can move mountains quicker than forgiveness. How do I know? Simple. I lived a life of unforgiveness for more years than I care to admit.
What I can share with you honestly is that many years of my life were filled with hatred, resentment, bitterness and more. All the cousins of unforgiveness were alive and well; killing me. I didn’t have many healthy relationships, patience or positivity. While I didn’t care about any of that; I was living the way I knew. I lived a life of unforgiveness.
It wasn’t until I was shown the true process of forgiveness; what it meant and the impact that it would have on my life. I am forever changed by getting over myself. Imagine how that happens! See; I had been deceived for many years thinking that I had forgave those who hurt me although the symptoms were there. I hadn’t truly done anything but give lip service. Lip service my friends is nothing more than mental rationalization to continue to harbor what you want without consequence. It never works.
Once I was real with myself nothing was ever the same. Once I mad the choice to forgive my life changed and in big ways. See; everything internal manifests itself outward and the more I forgave those in my past for what they did to me my eye color changed and my voice changed. While it may be subtle the changes are evident without a doubt. Doors opened in ways unimaginable.
The biggest and most life changing event in my life was being reunited with my mother. I hated her for so long. Don’t be shocked- you probably would too if you went through some of the things I did. But I digress since that is not the point. My mother is a wonderful person who deserves as much love as the rest of us. My mother is someone who made a mistake and who am I to harbor unforgivess toward her? I had to learn and recognize that I too have made mistakes and if others were as unforgiving toward me as I was toward my mother where would any of us be?
My mother and I today are great! Her life has changed much from the time when she lived on the street corner in Houston before we met. We have a relationship and that is something that neither of us ever would have expected; especially from where we were. This in reality; is what forgiveness does. It heals, it restores; it reconciles. It changes people lives for the better of everyone we come into contact about. So my friends; who can you forgive today? Who’s life besides your own can you change?
Hatred is an evil thing; it always has been and always will be. It never comes out in first place and it never brings peace. It brings with it its nasty cousins of anger, bitterness, resentment; and revenge.
The only way to combat it is with love. Love toward those who hate, love toward those who are bitter, resentful; unforgiving. Love is the only answer. Always. Love prevails.
Such is the case with Phil Robertson and Duck Dynasty. Those who hate Christians are not prevailing; they just aren’t. Those who think that siding with hate is the answer are not winning; they are merely showing their hand of intolerance of others with different opinions. They are showing their ignorance. Cracker Barrel is one who is proving their stance which is a shame. They are showing they are not acting very loving. Of course Phil Robertson has already come out stating he loves his neighbors although that seems to be overlooked. Oh the irony.
The result is being seen. Love wins. Duck Dynasty now has 2 offers on the table from other networks for their show. Daystar and Glenn BeckTv have stepped up to help against the wickedness we are seeing over a 67 year old man with an opinion. Interesting enough those who hate Phil Robertson’s opinion aren’t in danger of losing their jobs. Just watch and see the love prevail. Watch and see.
Hatred came against Chick-fil-A and guess what? Love prevailed. Chick-fil-A locations sold out of all their food before 12pm and still had lines of people coming for support. And even later that night numerous locations were vandalized by those who hate. Why? Why show your hatred through tearing people down? The most ironic thing of all: Chick-fil-A franchise still does almost 1 million more in business than it’s closest competitor McDonald’s. And they’re closed on Sundays!
It’s a lesson we all need to learn. Whether it’s hating those who are Christian, those who are gay, those who are short; or those who are geeks, or overweight it doesn’t matter. Hatred spreads like a cancer to destroy the lives of those who it comes into contact with. Why let it fill your soul? Why let it take over minute by minute? Why get on its bandwagon and show it to the world that it has control over you and just how fast you are dying?
Why not love instead? Why not understand that you are not the only one with an opinion. Why not let go of the fact that you are not the judge of the universe. None of us are. You are not the one who has any right to take away someone else’s opinion, shut down their business; or take away their employment. If no one is doing it to you on this day you should be celebrating; or watch out. Those who hate will come after you if you aren’t careful. I’m sure when it hits you would want someone to come out in love of support of you right? It’s a lesson of thinking about how we treat others and if we would want them to treat us the same way.
You see; I lived a life of hatred so I know what it’s like. It’s not enjoyable, restful or peaceful. It’s endless, relentless; and madness- all the time. It brings nothing good. It can’t. It simply cannot. We can see that with those who are attempting to destroy others in the name of a difference of opinion are not going to be well received in the end. It’s backfiring folks; it always does. When will the picture be clear? Hatred never wins.
God will bring judgement on those He sees fit when He sees it fit to do so. He always does. But in the meantime if each one of us does our part to recognize that loving our neighbor is the only way we will get much further. When we recognize that what we all are guilty of having opinions but we love anyway; we will prevail. When we recognize that we have to love ourselves in order to love others; it will be amazing what we can accomplish. It’s the recent events of tearing a family down that is only show us just how far we still have to go. Perhaps that should be the largest new years resolution people make. Love. Simple love.
While it may seem like woman have made advances in being treated human; it’s clear that this really isn’t the case. Around the world women are still treated as second class citizens, paid less, demeaned to administrative roles in the church; and the list goes on. When will women be seen as the beautiful, intelligent, creative; and thriving people that they were created to be? What will it take for women to not be continually oppressed and suppressed on a global scale?
It’s everywhere in culture. Commercials make nothing more of women than scantily clad high priced hookers while others show just how much women hate each other. Television shows elevate women as being nothing more than a’trophy’ wife as that is all she is worth? Why is this acceptable? Why is it funny to see such filth at Meet the Millers and have women call themselves terrible names with audiences finding it funny? Why are not both women and men outraged at the treatment of it? Why is no one seeing it and not finding it funny?
Understand that this is not about blame. It is not about men beating women down. It simply is not. It is more about a change of heart to see the reality of where women are and continue to be; along with the fight they go through just to be recognized as something more than a sex object and cook.
Women are not correct in the battle either as there are those who are feminists who cry out for woman power yet use their platform to annihilate Sara Palin every chance they get; only because she is not like them. Both parties are guilty and something needs to change. Love needs to happen.
In Saudi Arabia women suffer. They suffer daily. They continue to experience injustice and in ways that American women could never imagine. The latest is the number of Saudi women who are fined for driving vehicles. There is a ban for women to be able to drive a car. “Police stopped six women driving in Riyadh, and fined them 300 riyals ($80) each,” said the capital’s police deputy spokesman, Colonel Fawaz al-Miman. While the monarchy is the only country in the world where women are barred from driving; it doesn’t mean that there aren’t other women in other countries who are not even considered worthy of anything.
The point overall is that women have value. Woman were not created as second class citizens. Women were not created to just lie on their backs for the benefit of men whenever they need their fix. Women were not created to have no mind, no thoughts; no opinions. They just weren’t.
It was women who traveled with Jesus. It was women who were there when the tomb was open. It was women who stood when there were no men. Perhaps looking at them through different eyes one will be better able to appreciate God’s creation and not mans’ destruction.
(mans’ destruction does not equate gender in the final sentence.)
I’m asking you! Sure it may be the economy that has you down; or a myriad of things that can be reasons but it still is a question for reflection.
Of course you think you are right. You have the latest knee high boots just in time for fall and are already preparing for Spring 2014 fashions. You already have the new 2014 Tahoe picked out and are ready. Yes; equipped you are.
The thing is that that isn’t what I am asking about. Who cares about all that stuff. The bigger picture is what I challenge you to look at. With the government shut down things are different. Sure it may not seem like it in your city; although reports from those in DC tell a different story.
What are you doing now to take precautions just in case? The Truckers to Shut Down America rally is this weekend which means that there may be a slow in food delivery to your local grocery store. If you are on who only buys what you need on a daily basis or every couple of days what would your plan be if you can’t what you need? Being out of toilet paper could be a big bummer; especially if you have kids.
If you are not saving any of your income because you believe it just won’t happen to you; take a look around you. It’s probably not unlikely that someone in your neighborhood thought the same thing. How much money are you setting aside? And not in the stock market either. How much money do you have in savings in cash? How much do you save in your savings account or your mattress bank? I learned years ago when I went to withdraw money from my credit union and they told me the servers were down and I couldn’t get any of it; that I needed a better plan. Perhaps you do too.
Are you so busy sharing with your world of facebook wanna be friends about your travel plans to gain self glory that you don’t stop to think that you just blasted to everyone to come rob you because you aren’t there?
Are you prepared in case you are attacked while driving like the family in NYC? It’s obvious that the police aren’t your friend when they are the ones doing the attacking right? Just take a look at Wojciech Broszczok and you will clearly know.
I came across this website http://www.secretsofsurvival.com/survival/israeli-defense-force-commando-tips.html that provides much to think about without a doubt! It definitely opened my eyes to things that I need to be mindful of as I go about living my life.
You see; being equipped isn’t about being a fanatic about anything. It’s about being wise. ‘be prepared in season and out of season’ 2Tim 4:2 tells us. It’s about the change in thinking. It’s about looking up when walking instead of staring down at a phone. It’s about making sure you are taking responsibility for yourself at all times. It’s pretty clear that your government won’t be any time soon. This means it’s up to you.