The Value of a Woman
While it may seem like woman have made advances in being treated human; it’s clear that this really isn’t the case. Around the world women are still treated as second class citizens, paid less, demeaned to administrative roles in the church; and the list goes on. When will women be seen as the beautiful, intelligent, creative; and thriving people that they were created to be? What will it take for women to not be continually oppressed and suppressed on a global scale?
It’s everywhere in culture. Commercials make nothing more of women than scantily clad high priced hookers while others show just how much women hate each other. Television shows elevate women as being nothing more than a’trophy’ wife as that is all she is worth? Why is this acceptable? Why is it funny to see such filth at Meet the Millers and have women call themselves terrible names with audiences finding it funny? Why are not both women and men outraged at the treatment of it? Why is no one seeing it and not finding it funny?
Understand that this is not about blame. It is not about men beating women down. It simply is not. It is more about a change of heart to see the reality of where women are and continue to be; along with the fight they go through just to be recognized as something more than a sex object and cook.
Women are not correct in the battle either as there are those who are feminists who cry out for woman power yet use their platform to annihilate Sara Palin every chance they get; only because she is not like them. Both parties are guilty and something needs to change. Love needs to happen.
In Saudi Arabia women suffer. They suffer daily. They continue to experience injustice and in ways that American women could never imagine. The latest is the number of Saudi women who are fined for driving vehicles. There is a ban for women to be able to drive a car. “Police stopped six women driving in Riyadh, and fined them 300 riyals ($80) each,” said the capital’s police deputy spokesman, Colonel Fawaz al-Miman. While the monarchy is the only country in the world where women are barred from driving; it doesn’t mean that there aren’t other women in other countries who are not even considered worthy of anything.
The point overall is that women have value. Woman were not created as second class citizens. Women were not created to just lie on their backs for the benefit of men whenever they need their fix. Women were not created to have no mind, no thoughts; no opinions. They just weren’t.
It was women who traveled with Jesus. It was women who were there when the tomb was open. It was women who stood when there were no men. Perhaps looking at them through different eyes one will be better able to appreciate God’s creation and not mans’ destruction.
(mans’ destruction does not equate gender in the final sentence.)
Fool me once shame on you; fool me twice you know the deal. Shame on me right? Does everyone deserve second chances? Are there any who are more or less deserving? After all it was Peter who betrayed Jesus and he was given a second chance? Should the same be for everyone in every situation? Let’s explore.
Everyone makes mistakes. There is no way around this. We all are ignorant and do things we regret or perhaps don’t regret but just didn’t think through that clearly. In marriage; one obviously has to be forgiving else how can there be an expectation of even staying married? Do you give someone who has an affair a second chance? There are plenty who say ‘absolutely not!’ while others find that they are able to get past it.
What about in dating? Are second chances worth it? It’s different than in marriage because dating brings an entirely different myriad of issues and if you are the one giving too many chances then will you get just walked all over before getting to the altar.
People are who they are they are when you meet them. Ladies pay attention to that! Men; you too. People are who they are when you meet them. Now they may be nervous; but their character is pretty representative of who they are. You don’t need to question daily your first impression now do you? So it begs the question: how many chances does one get in dating to profess their love to you when they attempt to stomp on you before you simply say ‘no thank you’.
Perhaps if more people up front thought about the manner in which they treat people and were not so selfish; there would be less things to be needing chances for. The good news is that it’s great character building! Perhaps if people paid attention in the first place they wouldn’t put themselves in such they wouldn’t continue to get walked on; but is that really true? It’s hard to know something you don’t know and unfortunately; you can’t know it until you know it.
The question is: when are people going to see the reality and step up and for their value?
It is no different than if someone starts to build a relationship with another who deems it appropriate to dump via text and then later returns for apology- but does it via text. How ironic eh? Do you accept it? Why or why not? Do you think that the change of heart is true? Of course it depends on the situation and the person but bottom line is that it takes more consideration than just a flipid response.
People will show you who they are if your eyes are open. Whether or not you accept the apology and forgive is one thing; but walking right back into it is quite another. Would anything change? Perhaps; but that isn’t the real issue. The real thing to understand isn’t the fact that someone gets dumped via text. That’s miniscule in the big scheme of things. It’s the character of the person who does it that is more telling. It’s the lack of respect shown to another that is more telling. It’s the fact that people deserve more than to be treated with disrepect; regardless of what your name is.
When living life the most important thing that people will remember about you is your character. What does it reveal to others? Of course everyone makes mistakes. There is no way around this. The thing is when you do make mistakes; what do you do about it? That- right there in and of itself is what will be shown more than anything about who you are. If you want people to think different of you then perhaps behaving like it would be a nice start.
Some people believe that forgiveness is sold in cycles during the holidays; however, there is nothing further from the truth than that. Unforgiveness kills and if you want to die between the holidays then hold on to it. If you want to be free any day of the year; forgive and make it a habit. You will be forever glad you did.
In watching the Real Housewives franchise there is yes much drama; but some lessons we can learn if we pay attention. Last night’s episode of The Real Housewives of Orange County yet again provides us much for discussion.
I already wrote about Tamra Barney and how not hearing the words, ‘I love you’ impacted her life so for today I want to focus on forgiveness. In listening to her speech and seeing her and her mother interact the pain of their lives is evident. The unforgiveness of what occurred is something still keeping them from growing together. Not only this; the unforgiveness that each of them hold toward themselves too is there as well. You see; forgiveness softens the heart while unforgiveness steals your joy and keeps you living as a victim and not victor. It destroys and it’s a slow death. In your life how much pain from the past are you holding on to? How free would you like to be?
In the situation between Heather and Terry we see much the same. Here is a husband groveling for forgiveness while Heather lets him continuously do so all the while at one point makes the comment to him that he needs to let it go; yet here she is still holding on to her own unforgiveness toward him. How many times does someone have to apologize before you truly let it go? Wasn’t it Peter who asked Jesus how many times do we need to forgive and it was well beyond the ‘7’ times he thought!
In both situations unforgiveness is something holding them back. How much of your unforgiveness is holding you back? Isn’t it time to let it go?
It will change your life when you make the choice to do so. From personal experience; I forgave my biological mother for the decisions she made that impact my life and guess what? My life changed! Not only this; my eye color and my voice changed too . We now have a great relationship that never could have been so long as I harbored that unforgiveness.
You see; unforgiveness doesn’t play alone. Don’t be fooled. Unforgiveness brings the entire family with it. Resentment, bitterness, anger, fear of abandonment, rejection, ego, overly opinionated, vanity; victim mentality and many many more relatives to anyone unsuspecting of its wicked ways. It brings a slow death.
I encourage you today to be brave. I encourage you to look deep in the mirror and get beyond yourself and truly forgive those who have hurt you. Will it hurt? Probably; but it will hurt you more in the long run if you don’t. Does it matter what the other person or people did that hurt you? No more or less than what you have done to others. It has nothing to do with them anyway. Forgiving is about you and your life; and internal freedom. It’s time now to let it go and become the you that you were created to be. Don’t let another minute of your life be taken. Trust me; I lost more than 2 decades. It simply is not worth it. Give the best give to yourself today and forgive.
I had a conversation today with someone about relationships. It was one of those conversations where you let someone just say what they want all the while you know you disagree but what is the point of engaging? In reality; the point of the conversation as a whole is still up for question.
The one thing that struck me was hearing that marriage shouldn’t ‘t take work. The premise is that marriage should be a ‘cake walk’ because you both are on the same page and want to take care of each other. Sure that may be what people want and think but is that really reality?
Bottom line is that if you have something you want to keep don’t you have to take care of it? I’ve never heard of a Stanley Cup winning team be the winner without working at it or Michael Phelps not working at his craft. I’ve never heard from couples who have been married for 40 or more years say they didn’t have to work at it. It would make more sense that it’s maintenance and the price of keeping what you have and keep in the tact. My dentist always says to floss the ones you want to keep and I think this applies here.
What do you do to maintain your good and healthy relationships? Would you consider it work?
If you aren’t yet doing anything that’s ok; now is a great time to start!
You may have read the title and thought to yourself, ‘sure. who doesn’t want better relationships’ but that never happens. People are people and we are all just stuck with them.
While this may be a negative viewpoint; although true as well, it doesn’t mean that your relationships can’t be better. How do I know? I used to have terrible relationships. Ironically enough; I am educated in the field of communication and have taught communication courses at the collegiate level for over a decade. It just goes to show I too have had to experience those relationships that are now not.
So that’s the secret? How do we get better relationships with people who just aren’t willing to change? How do we get better relationships from those who don’t see our point of view? Those who just never seem to listen to what we have to say? Those that just don’t seem to get it?
I will tell you plainly like I was years ago. Your problem my friend is you. Yep. I said it. You are the common denominator in all of those relationships right? If you want them to be better then why not focus on what you can do about making them better? I can surely tell you that you complaining about what they are instead of what you think they should will not get you anywhere. I tried that too.
What was ‘my’ problem? Why were my relationships not going the way they should have been? Why was I not fulfilled? Why was everything so difficult? Simple. I was unforgiving. You see; unforgiveness steals your joy. It robs you of anything pleasing and sweet. It is like the cancer that spreads ever so slowly that you have no idea what is going on until the pain is so deep that you can’t handle it any more. It exudes out of your body in ways that people don’t talk about at Sunday dinner. It brings with it bitterness, resentment and anger. It is sly like that snake just waiting to wrap it’s nasty head around you; all the while you go about your business complaining that everyone else is the problem. They are not my friend.
Forgiveness blocks your ability to be of service to others because it keeps you focused on being the victim. It keeps you from receiving blessings because people quite frankly; don’t want to be around you. It destroys who you are to the deepest core. Not this; hypertension and arthritis are linked to unforgiveness according to a Harvard study in 2007.
It is through forgiveness that your relationships can be restored. You can be healed and those people in your life can be forever changed by your one choice to forgive. It may be the hardest thing you ever do; but the most rewarding. You see; none of us are any different. We all have stories. I was abandoned by my biological mother, lived in a foster home and at 16 a homeless shelter. If you think I wasn’t unforgiving you are kidding yourself! Maybe you too can relate; or maybe something else happened to you in your past. The time is now to forgive that person. Now is the time to be free. Now is the time to live your life. The forgiveness isn’t about anyone else but you. Don’t you think that you are worth it?
When I made the choice to forgive my mother and all the people who hurt me; everything in my life changed. My heart changed, my eye color changed and even my choice changed. You may think that these are great but wait- there’s more! I was reunited with my biological mother. We have a healthy relationship and were even featured guests on The Today Show.
http://www.today.com/id/26184891/vp/38040165#38040165
Take it from me first hand; forgiveness steals so much. I would love more time back and maybe even some of those broken relationships; but the good news is that I am going forward free of what sucked the life out of me. And I can do it with my mother. If I had chosen to stay unforgiving there is so much that we both would have lost out on and I can’t imagine ever going back down that path. I hope that you don’t either!
There is so much more about forgiveness than I have time for in this post but this is the first step. You have to take an introspective look at yourself and see if maybe the real issues in your relationship are caused by you and your unforgiveness. If they are- stop blaming others and start fixing yourself. You will be glad you did!