Why Forgiving is Hard
When it comes to forgiveness there is no doubt it’s hard. It’s one thing to sure agree that it is hard by what? Why is forgiveness so hard? It’s hard to overcome child abuse, bullying, infidelity or backstabbing. It’s not an easy thing to let it go although it is possible. So let’s examine why forgiving is hard:
1- It’s not easy to let go.
Probably the most honest reason about why forgiving is hard is because it means we have to let it go. Sure people may tell you ‘oh sister, just let go and let God’ which is fine although it doesn’t change how hard it is; nor does it change the fact that I want to just slap them. Just saying.
And do it goes that it’s hard and until you are ready to let it go nothing will change; except you. Whatever you allow to rule you will. So you have a choice. You can be ruled by unforgiveness which simply means that you are choosing to not let it go or you can be ruled by forgiveness which means you are moving forward in freedom.
2- It’s hard to trust God’s on your side.
When I was faced with forgiving it was hard. It was the absolute hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life. The pain of abandonment, rejection, homelessness, loss of baby, infidelity was so much and the mere fact that I had to go before God who let it all happen and expect that He was on my side- yeah that was hard. It was hard to tell Him exactly how I felt and how unjust it was. I had to trust that God was on my side and that His word is true where He turns darkness to light. It wasn’t until I started telling God that I forgave those in my past that I felt His presence. The more I forgave the more I understood too that my problem wasn’t all about what they did; but the unforgiveness that I carried. And that- was life changing.
3- It’s hard to admit pain.
Who wants to admit they are hurting? Seriously; who wants to admit that? Most people don’t which is why they suffer in silence feeling invisible yet just sharing there is pain can be freedom. It’s really that simple yet for me because I never knew how to actually share anything but anger and lashing out the expression of anything else was a new experience. And besides how many tough girls admit they are in pain? I couldn’t possibly allow myself to admit that I was hurt because I would be weak and that just wasn’t what my persona was about. This was until I was faced with sharing it all with Jesus and everything changed. It will for you too and it’s ok to share how you feel because that is one of the first steps to not only being real; but moving toward forgiveness and actually know what the real situation is.
4- It’s hard to not want justice.
I didn’t want to forgive because I simply didn’t want anyone who hurt me to get off the hook. So I just didn’t. I did years later though mutter some words although those with discernment will see through you so don’t try that route. When being faced with forgiving I knew I needed to because God’s Word says so but in reality there were times when I resented it because I didn’t feel justified in being the one to forgive when I was the victim. I wanted them to pay and to pay dearly and somehow I equated my level of forgiveness with their level of freedom instead of my level of forgiveness is equal to my level of freedom. I see it now. My unforgiveness only hurt me; not them. The same for you. So just forgive.
5- It’s hard to let go of pride.
Unforgiveness in many ways is about pride. It is a built up wall of defense that keeps people out and you tucked in. It is a steel wall that can’t be penetrated through and in reality it’s a big false fake coverup. Those that don’t forgive are really just hiding behind the pain of the past, of people, their own selves or even God. Pride will keep people in such bondage of trying to be tough and trying to be nice; although the fruit of the Spirit cannot be exhibited through and unforgiver. And so the pride covers the truth and the truth is that what others have done hurt you and it’s ok. It’s much better to say the truth than hide behind it because it only creates a bigger, stronger wall that leads to a longer life of misery. So let go of the pride, be real, be vulnerable and just be free.
Forgiveness is not easy; not at all. What it is is freeing, life changing and weight loss. It’s the quickest way to be restored to Jesus and open the doors to blessings. It’s the display of what is in your heart and your level of obedience. And it’s hard. The good news though; is that you are equipped to face hard. And you are equipped to live your life of forgiveness.
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Today’s Scripture
Psalm 56:4 “In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?”
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Forgiveness Tip #6
You level of forgiveness is equal to your level of freedom
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Julie Blair is President of Julie Blair Ministries and host of ‘Living in Forgiveness’ television and radio programs that airs daily to over 3 Billion people on 5 continents. To learn more about forgiveness and the love of Christ visit www.julieblair.com
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I’m sure you’ve heard the saying ‘oh forgive and forgive’ or ‘I can forgive you but I can’t forget what you did’ and on it goes but is it really wise to forgive and forget? Seriously do you forgive and forget? Or hold on? And not only that is it possible to forgive and forget?
In understanding the process of forgiveness to the full; it brings with it many components. First and foremost for Believers is that it is between that person and the Lord. Sure you can seek another person for forgiveness of sins; except that really isn’t the best route or direction. Not only this; in the Bible it reads to confess your ‘faults’ which is different than ‘sin’. A fault may be being tardy although it’s not a sin. So in essence dealing with unforgiveness is an issue between a person and the Lord.
Now then; when it comes to forgiving is the emotional component that is tied to the unforgiveness. We already know we are to forgive; and even Peter knew that as his question to Jesus wasn’t ‘if’ he should forgive but how many times he should in Matthew 18:21. It’s the emotional component that keeps most people living in the misery of unforgiveness. Let me explain:
A person may claim that he/she has forgiven except their emotions reveal otherwise. The level of bitterness, resentment, angst, fits of rage, intolerance, lack of patience and all the other roughly 40 symptoms are evident. The person may believe that there has been forgiveness except that when there is the emotional condition of the person changes too. No longer is there the emotional attachment to what the situation was or who the person was. It is something that occurred in a time no different than walking the dog.
As a result; yes the Bible is very clear to take every thought captive no doubt. (2 Cor 10:5) except there is a difference in taking every thought captive and suppressing every thought. See; just because you don’t think about someone who hurt you doesn’t mean you don’t exhibit the symptoms of the pain of what the hurt caused. And this is where most get into trouble because they don’t recognize it. In my life I honestly thought I forgave although the symptoms were evident along with my chosen topics of conversation. Once I forgave it was my eye color and voice that changed; proof again that what is inside is always revealed outwardly whether good or bad.
So to answer the question is it wise to forgive and forget? It depends. If I needed to forgive you for eating the last of the gelato in the freezer they probably not. Why take up memory space right? On the other side; if we live in forgive and forget then what is the testimony? You wouldn’t know because well; you forgot.
When the emotional aspect of forgiveness is progressed through it not only changes the perception of events but also heals as a result. And it is Jesus who is the Healer; the one to bring freedom. Because the emotions are not raging over the very thought of whatever or whoever it was then the only thing remains is the fact that something occurred although it is not occurring now. The emotional component has no more power. This is why forgiveness is so much more than the utterance of a few words in passing just to move along about life.
If I forgave my biological mother and forgot there would be nothing further to ever be said. There would be no testimony; no further glory for God. There would be no evidence of fruit of what has taken place since that time. No. There would be nothing. And what a shame for Jesus to have died for no testimony of His goodness!
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Today’s Scripture
Galatians 5:1 For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.
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Forgiveness Tip #5
Forgiveness is freedom.
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If you are struggling with forgiving someone, yourself or even God let us help. He created you for so much more and the last thing you want is unforgiveness to block the life He has in store! Visit www.julieblair.com
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Unforgiveness is sin; there is no way around it. And sin in it’s very nature is dangerous. Hence the damaging nature of unforgiveness as sin is what most don’t grasp. The reality whether we like it or not is that we all must get to a place of living in love and forgiveness. Otherwise; we will never overcome anything in life.
Sin destroys your relationship with Jesus, others and yourself. It should be no shock since we are told in John 10:10 ‘ The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.’ (NIV)
Unforgiveness is sin against God there is no doubt. The good news is that when you make the choice to forgive; your life will change and as we are told He came so that we may have life- and to the full. It’s up to us to choose whether or not we want it.
If you truly want to grow in the Lord and be transformed in Him it will require forgiveness. There is no way around this. The better part of this though is that He has already given you everything you need in order to forgive. He has supplied you with all the strength that you need to be obedient; and victorious too.
Before you allow your body, your spirit, your soul, your relationships with others; and your relationship with Jesus to be destroyed ask yourself if it’s worth it. Is it worth it to keep all the garbage? It is worth it to hoard what will only enslave and entrap you; especially when you don’t have to because He came to clear the path and set you free?
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Today’s Scripture
1 Peter 5:7 Cast your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.
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Forgiveness Tip #2
Forgiveness will remove the bondage of sin that keeps you from the Lord. ______________________________________________________
For more about forgiveness and abundant living visit www.julieblair.com
Watch Living in Forgiveness nightly at 9:30pm CST on the UANetwork.
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Forgiveness is limiting. It limits everything in your life; your mental state, your emotional state, your health, opportunities. It limits everything It’s time to unlimit God through forgiveness.
When you forgive you are releasing everything good in your life to enter; which makes sense because it’s God who withholds no good thing. It’s us that blocks him from releasing it through disobedience in unforgiveness. It is sin that is the deadbolt to bondage. And now it’s time for you to break through and remove all limitations that unforgiveness has had on you.
You see; we all are faced with the choice to forgive. People hurt us. Things in life happen and it’s what we do when those hurricanes of life storm through that will have all the impact on everything in your life. Even Peter knew that forgiveness was something that needed to occur otherwise we would not read in Matthew 18:21 ‘Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” And wasn’t it Peter who walked on water?
If you want to go higher and deeper with the Lord; forgive. Clear the path. Move the mountain. Stop limiting God by being unforgiving.
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Today’s Scripture
Philippians 4:13 ‘I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.’
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Forgiveness Tip #1
You actually can forgive. You just need to align your mind to believe it. ______________________________________________________
Watch Living in Forgiveness nightly at 9:30pm CST on the UANetwork.
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When it comes to forgiveness; the reasons people forgive are vast. As I have counseled people one thing seems to be a common denominator for them is that they want things to go back to the way they were. They don’t understand why they aren’t reconciled. The belief was that forgiveness was the path to reconciliation. So the question for the day is does forgiveness mean reconciliation? With people. Nope. With the Lord. Yes. And this is where people get confused.
Forgiveness does not automatically mean reconciliation and for a variety of reasons that we must examine for full understanding.
1) You are not who you were before you forgave. This confuses people although it’s true. Once you forgive you are not the same person. Therefore trying to be reconciled with the person and things the way they were really is not possible. You are not who you were to go back to do what you once did.
2) You are no longer bound by former patterns, perceptions and behaviors. When you forgive you are changed which means the way you think, behave and perceive everything will be different. When you are changed internally it reflects externally. For example; before I forgave my biological mother and even my adoptive mother I had certain perceptions of each of them. Because of the level of unforgiveness I carried my thoughts and actions were grounded in that arena. Once I forgave everything changed. My thinking changed and my perception too was corrected to be in alignment with God’s Word. Not being bound by lies of the enemy changes everything; including your think which is the transformation Paul talks about in Romans 12.
3) The relationship and person (even yourself) you forgave will be different. If someone did a terrible thing to you and you forgave know that the relationship will be different. It cannot go back to what it one was and therefore; what you may find is that there were things in the relationship there all along you just chose to not pay attention to them or justify them. As such what you couldn’t see before will come to light and through that act of forgiveness the relationship will change. Now; it doesn’t mean that it won’t stay in tact or even grow as in the case of infidelity but what it does mean is that change is evident. Many marriages today can be saved if only people were more willing to forgive; truly forgive. On the other side; in any relationship the differences in it may simply mean that forgiveness was all it took for you to take the next step forward toward your new life; and one that is free and filled with forgiveness.
When I went through the process of forgiveness I didn’t know 1) what I was doing, 2) how much my life truly would change. I was reconciled with my biological mother but not my adoptive mother. Either way; I forgave and above all ensured my level of obedience to the Lord was where it should be. And this leads me to how forgiveness means reconciliation with the Lord.
When you seek the Lord and really enter into His presence and you desire to be free from the pain of the others, the past, yourself; and even what God has allowed in your life you are taking a step forward. A big bold step that many don’t venture to; even those sitting in the building on Sundays. You are seeking something bigger; higher- more precious.
As you begin to recognize that others are just as guilty as you are and that you are no different than they are you lay it all down you will find that Jesus is with you. The other thing you will find is that your forgiveness isn’t really about what ‘they’ did but about what you are doing now. When you truly see that you are guilty just by harboring that unforgiveness in the first place it changes everything. You see; they are not let off the hook for what they did- but your unforgiveness won’t let you off either.
The level of unforgiveness you choose to keep will haunt you and destroy you like the thief in the night who comes to steal everything you have; including your soul. When you let go of what you have been harboring you will be free. It’s all in Acts 3:19 where we are told to repent and seek forgiveness so that times of refreshing may come. It’s through the repentance and seeking of forgiveness that you are reconciled to the Father. You can’t be reconciled otherwise.
As you let go of what others have done to focus on what you can do you will change. Your choice to be obedient is what will change you; and God Almighty will take care of the rest. He will work on your behalf. He will make you new and whole and restored in Him. You may not have those relationships the way they once were; but they weren’t meant to stay that way.
As you forgive know you are venturing toward unchartered territory with the Lord and that many, most really; can’t go where you are. They simply can’t. You are the one seeking, you are the one knocking and asking and the Lord will answer you when you call out. You will be reconciled in relationship with Him because He is just and the blocks of unforgiveness will no longer separate. You will have your new life abounding while being transformed into who He intended the entire time. And as for the others; you can thank the Lord that He brought you through it and pray that they too would be reconciled to the Father who loves them just as much as He loves you. And you focus on the things above; your life will represent it. It will be that of love and forgiveness always regardless of anything else because you know that He is worth it.
For more about living in love and forgiveness watch ‘Living in Forgiveness’ weeknights at 9:30pm CST on the UANetwork.
To have Julie speak at your church or business visit www.julieblair.com
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Any relationship is for the people involved. Any relationship between a person and God is between that person and God. It is safe to include the personal relationship with Jesus and the Holy Spirit too for reference. When it comes to forgiveness; it is about the personal relationship that one has with God. Forgiveness will bring you closer to God while your unforgiveness will separate you from Him.
Many people spend more time trying to seek forgiveness from other people when in fact that can prove to be more disastrous in the end! In 2 Corinthians 5:18-19 it reads: “All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation.” (NIV) This clearly emphasizes that the relationship is between the person and God. Now when it comes to forgiveness and unforgiveness both are acts unto Him. If one seeks forgiveness only from others; then the next question must be asked: Where is God in that? By leaving Him out how then can one be fully restored and reconciled to Him? Not only this; when a person seeks forgiveness from other people only and there is no reconciliation; it can create further bondage in the end that can be painful.
How then can one be pleasing to Him when going to man for forgiveness for man alone? The next question then must be asked: does man even have full authority to wipe away the sins; especially since man is imperfect in the first place? Of course not! If someone were falling into this belief it would one of a person who follows a religion with a mediator that is not Jesus as if you have Jesus you simply do not need a man to seek forgiveness of sins from. One then must ask what would the full basis of that sin removal be? When man places more trust more in man than God and misses the responsibility to the relationship with God much is missed not only being free through seeking forgiveness but also in growth in Him. Perhaps this is why so many Believers are not walking in the full authority in Christ that they should be. Perhaps this is you. Have you mistakenly misinterpreted your relationship for religion and missed that Jesus is already speaking to you and waiting for you?
Hebrews 10:17 reveals much about God Almighty and His love for His children: “Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more.” This proves yet one more reason why forgiveness is between each person and God and not just one from one person to another only. Understand that while people make mistakes; sin is against God. Period. Why then seek forgiveness from man first and only when the sin while hurts man is against God?
If you are in a position to needing to forgive someone then it simply means that there is a harboring of unforgiveness; which is why that is between you and the Lord. It is also why Acts 3:19 is clear: ‘Repent, and seek forgiveness, so that times of refreshing may come.’ (NIV) Through seeking the Lord in repenting you will be right with Him regardless of what occurs with others. And in the end isn’t that all that matters?
For more about forgiveness and your life in Christ watch ‘Living in Forgiveness’ weeknights at 9:30pm CST on the UANetwork.
To have Julie speak at your church or business visit www.julieblair.com
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Forgiveness is a process and an event; it’s twofold. It will occur many times in your life if you are willing to be obedient to the Lord. Additionally; you will experience expanded territory through forgiveness. Let me explain;
When you choose to forgive; which not forgiving too is a choice you are overcoming your flesh for something greater than your feelings about what someone did or didn’t do you that you may or may not agree with that wasn’t exactly what anyone else would think. You are laying it down at the foot of the cross. And what happens? God can use you and in bigger ways.
The prayer by Jabez was incredible because of its simplicity: bless me and expand my territory. Brilliant! Yet here is the thing: if you are not experiencing that after you have prayed that effective prayer there is a reason. And most likely a situation of unforgiveness or bitterness is related. The Lord cannot expand territory of an unforgiver. Why? Well; 1) it’s His Kingdom and reputation that you would be diminishing, 2) you choice to not be obedient in forgiving won’t be rewarded, 3) people don’t like being around unforgiving, angry, resentful, bitter people- trust me on that one! And because God is a just God and His Word reigns supreme in commanding us to forgive there are rewards and consequences with each choice we choose to make. Forgive and receive expanded territory and blessings. Don’t want that- then don’t forgive. It’s really that simple yet probably one of the hardest things you will ever do; or at least it was for me.
And so here is the most beautiful image of how this works: Jesus. You see His life on earth was filled with territory right? He walked everywhere, spoke with people, taught, healed, broke bread; performed miracles, casted out demons and on it went. He did it wherever He was. He did it in the territory that was His at the time He did it. But then look what took place:
Jesus completed the call on His life. He died for your sins and for mine. Whether you agree does not change the Truth of what He did. And on that cross he prayed ‘Forgive them Father for they know not what they do’ and after His death His territory expanded even more! It was His obedience and His own level of forgiveness that set the example; none other. So when people say that this is unrealistic or not doable well sure- this isn’t for the weak. Jesus was not weak and the Bible tells us clearly that ‘when’ you have struggles and not ‘if’ so it’s not a surprise that it’s not easy. It is realistic because the way has been made. And guess what? God’s Word does not give commands without a person having the ability to deliver. God does not set up people for failure; oh no He provides all the tools that people need in order to grow and expand His Kingdom. Just like Jesus.
And so if you want your territory expanded; to live the full and God call on your life it will require forgiveness. It will require you to get over yourself and know that He who is greater made the way; and that you can forgive. You just have to align your mind with God’s Word is all. When you do this then you will begin to see what God does; and you will experience it- trust me on that too. God is a good God and has a full life for you because He doesn’t hold back any good thing. So the question is: are you ready to get it? Are you ready to lay down the unforgiveness and have it replaced with more of Him operating in you, to you and through you; with expanded Kingdom? I certainly hope so as there is nothing like it in the world. There is nothing like following in the path of Jesus and knowing that God loved His Son so much that He became the freedom for you to live beyond what you could imagine. So get on the path today and expand your territory for His Kingdom; and while you still can.
For more about forgiveness and walking with Christ watch ‘Living in Forgiveness’ weeknights at 9:30pm on the UANetwork.
To have Julie speak at your church or business visit www.julieblair.com
There is none greater that overcame than Jesus. He layed down the foundation for others to follow and at great cost. His mission was complete and in you; and now it is your turn to do the same. It is your turn to overcome evil with love and forgiveness; following in the footsteps of the Great I Am.
We know there is evil in the world and like never before. Turn on the television and it’s in the news; or even turn on a sitcom and it’s there and the dramas are filled with it. Schools are filled with even perverting our children with ungodly doctrine every chance they get; all in the name of tolerance and some idea of love that isn’t so.
As such it should not be surprised why the rates of depression, suicide, divorce, abortion, hate crimes against all people are all on the rise; even our military men and women who’ve returned home. Let’s not even get into the political arena for the evil spewing to and covering the people. It is everywhere and not just in yor backyard. But we know this; and if you don’t pay attention for it is written in 2 Tim3: 1-7
“This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.
2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,
3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,
4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;
5 Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.
6 For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts,
7 Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.
The good news is that while things are changing you can overcome! You see; Jesus equipped you with every single thing that you need to be transformed by the renewing of your mind. He died for you! He died so that during these times you would have a better way to live; and it is through and it is through forgiveness. There is a better way of life and it is all there just for you.
If you claim to be a follower of Christ and live like the world then you are the hypocrite the world laughs at; you are why people don’t want to become a Christian. There is no testimony or power in hate or revenge; there cannot be. Ad while it may seem like the hate and evil is prevailing rest assured the wicked and evil will experience an early death. There is no doubt. But you; not you should you choose to walk in love and forgiveness. The love and forgiveness that you give to others permeates for much longer than you realize. One only need to see Jesus to get this.
And so the question you probably are most interested in is how do you overcome evil with love and forgiveness? It’s quite simple really although it is a process and a lifestyle change. It is a choice to decide what you allow into your thoughts, your life; and your behavior. It starts with a heart turned toward Jesus. It starts with you asking for Him to increase your capacity to love; and to show you how to walk in love. It will require you to to take every thought captive to the Lord and remain focused on Him and His Kingdom and glory. It will require you to be still in the midst of the Lord at all times; for there is no other way. It will require patience like none other and an understanding that will prevail because He prevailed! He came to set the captives free- He did! And He wouldn’t have done it if He didn’t need to and if He knew you couldn’t be free. And so you overcome evil walking with Jesus knowing that there is a better way and that He is the better way; and let that not only sink in but be your thought for the day.
For more about forgiveness and walking with Christ watch ‘Living in Forgiveness’ weeknights at 9:30pm CST on the UANetwork.
To have Julie speak at your church or business visit www.julieblair.com
Once you live in forgiveness there is no going back; only forward. Forgiving people know what it takes to get there and as such; refuse to accept anything that would be a hindrance to progress.
1.Forgiving people refuse to be distracted. The ability to progress forward in life is easier when there are less distractions. Unforgiveness is a distraction to everything; it is one of life’s biggest impediments and it brings its cousins of bitterness and resentment and all the second cousins of ungrateful, negative attitude and all the others. Forgiving people are more focused on the Lord’s plan for their lives than the distractions that disobedience brings.
2. Forgiving people refuse to take on others issues. When you live in unforgiveness it’s easy to get caught up drama and trauma; because that is really what unforgiveness is. It creates a level of emotional mess and unstableness and when other’s are allowed to share their stories and drama; it’s hard to say no. It’s also hard to bring a solution to a situation of forgiveness for someone else if you haven’t had the experience. Forgiving people are solution in Christ minded and don’t have time or tolerance for what others will bring and leave on them.
3- Forgiving people refuse to allow their joy and peace to be stolen. When you have peace and joy you will know it; and there won’t be anything that you will allow to enter in to steal it. You protect it like a bear cub as it’s that vital to your overall health and well-being. Unforgiveness is not only a distraction but a joy and life stealer and forgiving people have lived on both sides of the fence and can testify that forgiveness brings joy and it’s worth keeping.
4- Forgiving people refuse to be limited by others and circumstances.Unforgiveness is limiting. Period. It stunts everything in your life from your relationship with your Lord, your blessings; and your purpose. Forgiving people are not bound by circumstances because they know and trust; and have experienced that God is their side and that with Him all things are possible. What happened is what happened and while forgiveness is a process; it is one that a forgiving person is not defined by. There is no limit to the good that will come into your life when you forgive.
5- Forgiving refuse to be disobedient again by being unforgiving. The Bible is clear that forgiveness is a command. Unforgiveness is rebellion and when this revelation is received and forgiveness is understood there is life change. Going back to the ways of old is like trying to put new wine in old wine skin. It won’t and can’t work. Forgivers know what the new relationship with Christ is like; and the depth and growth and expansion of it in ways that unforgivers cannot begin to imagine. Forgivers will not go back to an old way of life simply because it doesn’t produce life; it steals it.
6. Forgiving people refuse to be controlled by others. Forgiveness is freedom and unforgiveness is bondage. Those that choose forgiveness are free from the binds that tie and the control that unforgiveness breeds. When people live in unforgiveness they are allowing situations and people to have more control over their lives than they should. When forgiveness is the lifestlyle there is no need for others to have any control and quite frankly they can’t. You are free and they are free to be in bondage or forgive; although your main concern simply is forgiving and moving on with life.
7- Forgiving people refuse to be a victim. Life happens and terrible things occur. I can testify to that without a doubt but here’s the thing. Forgiving people overcome and actually have a testimony. Unforgivers on the other hand; have no story other than what happened to them. And how many people care to hear what someone did to someone when they could hear how they overcame? You see; you have a choice: you can be a victim or victor but not both at the same time. Forgivers know this and live by it. They are overcomers.
Being a forgiver and living a life of forgiveness requires walking in love. Period. There is no way around this and when you get to this place it brings peace; joy and the rest of the fruit of the Spirit found in Galatians 5:22. Without forgiveness no one can walk in any of the fruit because they are opposite. If you want to go forward toward the real life that God intended all along for you then forgive. You won’t regret it!
For more about forgiveness watch ‘Living in Forgiveness’ weeknights at 9:30pm CST on the UANetwork.
To have Julie speak at your church or business visit www.julieblair.com
Many people have ideas about forgiveness, what it is, why they should forgive and a bunch of other things related. Below are 10 myths of forgiveness that keep people in bondage; not living their full lives in Christ.
1- Forgiveness is easy. Lie! Forgiveness is not easy; not at all. Each situation and person in each situation are different. The one thing though is that once you understand forgiveness, the process of forgiveness and allow Christ to to be in the center of it it won’t be as hard as it is trying to do it alone- which by the way you can’t to the full.
2- Forgiveness is something I can’t do it. That’s a lie! Now it’s also correct because whether you think you can or can’t you are right. So the question is: what are you going to choose to do? Believe the lie or move the mountain of the lie? The Bible tells us in Philippians that “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” (NIV) And guess what? That means forgive!
3- Forgiveness isn’t a big deal because God doesn’t care. Lie! God absolutely cares and if you claim you are a Christian and not forgiving; then God won’t forgive you. Now think about this: how do you think God feels knowing His son died for your freedom and then by choosing to not forgive you are turing your back on Him? God cares and more than you know; why else would He create you ‘and’ have a plan for your life- to give you hope and a future?!
4- Forgiveness means that that everything will be restored and back to normal. Lie! Nothing goes back to the way it was because it can’t. You are not who you were before you forgave so expecting to go back to what once was when it is no longer is like putting new wine in old wineskines; not going to happen.
5- Forgiveness is letting someone off the hook for what they’ve done. Lie again! Forgiveness is being right with God and no longer letting others and what they have done to you control you. You are the one who gets set free when you forgive!
6- Forgiveness is reconciliation with others. Lie. Many people believe that forgiveness is automatic reconciliation and that simply is not true. Forgiveness is a change in someone and whomever else is involved in whatever took place. There may be reconciliation although more often than not the people go their separate ways and are better for it because forgiveness took place. Freedom triumphed! When I forgave my adoptive mother for the years of abuse I endured by her as a child we were never reconciled. Now when I forgave my biological mother for abandoning me we were. If you expect to be reconciled just because you forgive you are setting yourself up. Forgive to forgive without other motive or agenda; than being right with the Lord.
7-Forgiveness is a one time event. Ha. Lie! Remember Peter asking Jesus how many times he needed to forgive. Ever wondered why he even thought to ask that? That one question is clear that he knew it was more than one time and yes; the same for you. It is not only an event but a process too; and sometimes daily. Living life anywhere with people will require forgiveness and let’s be honest; sometimes just dealing with yourself will require it more.
8- Forgiveness requires them to apologize to me for what they’ve done. Lie. And good luck with that! When people do not believe they have done wrong they will not apologize; why would they? How often do you apologize when you are right? Therefore if your forgiveness is based upon what you think and expect others to do then you are missing it entirely. Forgiveness is not about others it’s about you. When you make your decisions on the pretext of others you are simply being controlled and living in the bondage of it. What you find may happen is that when you forgive or after you forgive; they apologize. And all you did was forgive.
9- Forgiveness is forgetting. Huge lie! I love it when people say forgive and forget because it’s not possible! Why? Well; let’s see: if you forgot where is your testimony in Christ? Seriously; if I forgot after I forgave my biological mother there would be nothing because um well; I forgot. So stop trying to forget and just recognize this: when you forgive your emotional attachment to what happened is released. So you remember but aren’t emotionally charged and experiencing angst about it. It just becomes another event in your life like eating Cheerios yesterday for breakfast.
10- Forgiveness won’t change anything. Lie. Forgiveness changes everything; beginning with who you are. It changes your relationship with Christ, your heart, your thinking; your future. It changes your health, your decisions; and habits. It changes your relationships, your perception of others and their perception of you. It changes families and it changes nations. Forgiveness changes every single aspect. I wouldn’t be here otherwise.
These are just 10 myths of forgiveness. There are more although rest assured these are the ones that befuddle people most often. Remember that you can forgive and you are worth it. Why else would He die on that cross saying ‘Father forgive them for they know not what they do?’
For more about forgiveness and freedom watch ‘Living in Forgiveness’ weeknights at 9:30pm CST on the UANetwork.
To have Julie speak at your church or business visit www.julieblair.com